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I Give You a Nervous Hello!


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Hello everyone.  My name is Shimauma.  You can call me Shima if you wish.

 

This is the first support website I've ever been on.  And forgive me if I sound disjointed.  I've always been uncomfortable with the thought of seeking advice.  However, I suppose I just wanted to know that I'm not alone.  Or that I'm not slowly descending into the abyss of insanity, having been betrayed by my mind.  Anyway, I'll try to explain in clear terms how I've been feeling lately.

 

I feel as if there are two versions of myself.  I call them 'Day Me' and 'Night Me'.  'Day Me' is my regular self.  I'm a nervous, anxious person; but seemingly well-adjusted.  I have been called odd by some.  Mostly my aunt.  And others have acknowledged that my anxiety and certain phobias could become a problem.  If they aren't already.  'Night Me' comes out when the name suggests... at night.  But only when I'm trying to sleep.  'Night Me' provides 'Day Me' the fuel that powers my anxiety.  'Night Me' thinks all the time.  I go to bed early, but I'll only be able to fall asleep hours later. Usually around three in the morning.  'Night Me' tends to psychoanalyse 'Day Me'.  It knows why I feel and act the way I do.  It comes up with eloquent solutions and reasonings.  But, it makes me feel like I'm losing control.  Throughout the day, everything within my mind is wrapped up.  Like an Egyptian mummy I guess.  And 'Night Me' makes it all come apart.  It unravels everything.  It's as if my soul was laid bare before me and I can see myself reflected back, but it's a different person.  A person I wish I could be.

 

Then, when morning comes after I've finally fallen asleep, all traces of 'Night Me' have vanished.  I often don't even remember what I thought about.  I remember that I thought something, but I'm not sure what.

 

I guess I'm just afraid that 'Night Me' will reveal itself in my mind during the daytime.  And I'll unravel completely.  I can't even begin to imagine the panic and anxiety that would arise from that.  But perhaps it's just a matter of time.  As of now, I know 'Night Me' is in there.  Lurking.  But what does it all mean?  I don't know.  And I don't even think 'Night Me' knows for sure.

 

Please forgive my lengthy introduction.  I just wanted to get it all out there before I chickened out.

 

-Shimauma

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Hi Shima, welcome to Crazyboards.  I'm glad you decided to join our site, and I think you will find members who share your feelings of anxiety and problems with sleeping. 

 

I ask all new members to read the rules, just so you understand how we operate.

 

You didn't mention seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist, and I think that would be your first step.  The members here can't diagnose you and we encourage everyone to seek professional help.  Whatever your issues are, they are most likely something that can be treated with therapy and medicines.  I hope you will continue to come here, and please don't be afraid to contact one of the staff if we can help you with anything.

 

olga

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