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curiouscandela

From one recovering addict to another: explain the attraction to opiates

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I apologize for my initial post. I've deleted it. I didn't mean to be insenitive. In my curiosity, I sought to understand something that doesn't make sense to me. But curiosity killed the cat, and I should just be grateful that I don't feel a buzz from opiates. That's not to say that I'm safe from their effects. I realize I could get addicted to any addictive substance, which is why I take precautions.

 

Instead, let's make this thread about what's helped us with our recovery.

 

I've found AA helpful, especially my wonderful sponsors over the years. Also sponsoring other women has been really therapeutic for me. I feel like I have so much to give back because I was given so much. I went to rehab 3 times( one time on scholarship, and one time I got 2 weeks of treatment and outpatient free). After my first stint in rehab, the director of the rehab met with me once a week for 2 years for free out of the kindness of her heart. I did sober living for a year. I had a spiritual awakening, where I realized it was my job to do God's will and that God's will for me was to stay sober and help other people. I've had numerous helpful therapists. For years my pdoc was a highly talented addictionolgist who saw me on a sliding fee scale.Taking the medication naltrexone has helped me. I also found Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel to be helpful. My family has been supportive and so have friends.

Edited by curiouscandela

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It very admirable how seriously and thoughtfully you take your recovery.  It is smart and admirable.

 

I am not an addict, but opiates make me relaxed and I forget my troubles.  I use them cautiously due to family addiction history.

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i echo LB, you are handling your recovery admirably. However, I admit that when reading this inquiry and your previous topic re: the anti-med culture I get an uncomfortable feeling that cannot be denied.

 

Perhaps the root of my discomfort with your questions, and your manner of questioning, is that you are writing a book. It feels as if you are pumping the members of CB for information to fill your quota for "research".

 

I recognize that I am a minority of one and that my feelings are my own and yes, I do own those feelings. I think your enthusiasm and forthrightness are to be saluted, but perhaps you might get further by taming your enthusiasm just a bit and keeping your questions tempered...

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Make it a minority of two.  I have a huge amount of respect for Indigo's intuition and perceptiveness.  Your other thread spiraled more than a little bit, despite corrections regarding the original question.  Wherever you are in your recovery, it seems you are really grasping for support/answers/opinions.  Maybe slow down a bit??  I dunno, it just feels to me as though a lot of consolidation is in the works for you.  A ton of questions in the mix right now when centering may be a more important step.

 

If I'm out of line I will respectfully bow out of this thread.  You have clearly come through a lot of Hell.  I hope this joint can be of help in your ongoing recovery.

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I hope this joint can be of help in your ongoing recovery.

I will admit to being in a strange mood but I did find a little irony in your choice of words given where this is posted. It made me laugh inside and I needed that. Thanks. :)

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Whatever your intentions were in posting this question, I have to say that I find it insensitive and inappropriate.  I went through three deeply unpleasant drug rehab programmes and a shitload of hard work to recover from my opiate addiction and even now, years later, there's a part of me that misses it.  Asking addicts like me to recall in detail how opiates made us feel is to ask us to recall the alluring side to the addiction.  I believe that addicts' brains work in such a way that thinking back to what felt good about our experiences is to risk triggering a longing to feel that "goodness" again.  And I've been in recovery for years.  How is someone new to being clean supposed to handle a question like this?  As I said, not appropriate.  Really, really, thoughtless and inappropriate.

 

The mod for this board (Mirazh) posted the following in 2012.  Please read it.  Emphases are mine.

 

This forum is for people struggling with addiction and trying to get better, and for others to offer them support.

It is not the random dumping ground for questions about recreational drug use, self medication, how to circumvent your doctor's advice, pro-marijuana crusades, and other similar endeavors.

Addictions don't have to be physical to be risky, dangerous, or damaging. Many people get addicted to things that are medicinally useful and prescribed. Gambling, shopping, sex, video games, and more, have been and are addictions for many.

Keep this board on-topic. Don't glorify past or current use. Overcoming an addiction can be a very long and difficult struggle, and not all addictions are overcome right away or on the first try. Please, in this space, respect that.

 

Edited by miab

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I'm coming back after having had some lunch and taken a few deep breaths, and I think (I hope) that perhaps you did not intend to generate the reaction that I had above.  I have decided though to let it stand.  I'd just like to add that heroin users have a very high relapse rate.  Opiates are extremely difficult drugs to kick.  That is not to say "opiate addicts are worse off than cocaine users", just that it would be helpful if you could bear in mind that opiates are very, very alluring to those addicted to them.  Just reading some of the adjectives you used in your post when asking how they make us feel, has made me twitchy.

 

Also you make reference to having asked this question of heroin addicts who were in treatment with you.  I had that kind of discussion too when in rehab, and I feel that it's ultimately unhelpful.  You're taking precautions, you have your AA and family support - keep doing what you're doing there and you'll make it.  You don't need to know what getting high felt like to me.

 

Peace.

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I am of the belief, having kicked a ten year addiction to self harm and alcohol misuse, that whatever method someone has for indulging habitual destructive urges, the method is irrelevant.I know that many self harmers would report using self harm to produce many different feelings, whatever the chemical buzz going on physiologically. I also know people with substance misuse/addiction issues who use for different reasons at different times to produce different results. One day it might be about escape, on day it might be about self punishment, one day it might be about being together with other people who use too. The mood someone is in and their state of health that day also interplays, so even someone using the same kind of method might feel different or unexpected results.

 

Having been on this forum for six years and worked with people in dire states of mental illness, physical ill health and poverty, I can tell you that pain is not comparable, it's an individual experience. Thus addiction is much the same.

 

I was troubled by what you said above because you implied that your addiction method was something you felt 'comfortable' with in the sense that it did not have the same loss of control or long term effect that others drugs do. I remain unconvinced that people choose their addiction for such practical reasons. I drank alcohol because that was what I grew up around. If my parents had smoked weed or taken heroin, it may have been that. Similarly, where I self harmed allowed me to keep it secret, but there were moments that I was so out of control that I self harmed other places. What characterized my experience with addiction was it was out of control. It made no sense. It caused me big problems and it took me outside of my ethical system and threatened the things I swore were dear to me. I didn't pick an addiction that fit neatly into my lifestyle, addiction grew around me because I wasn't willing to feel my own pain.

 

Some people use heroin, some people abuse pain meds, some people get away with it and appear to function for years, some people rot their bodies and mind on the streets with it. From what I can see, addictive behaviour is something all people have going on, to greater or lesser degrees. Those I meet without an addiction history may have better resilience or maybe haven't had enough pain to break them yet. Society sets us up with acceptable addictions (TV, technology, consumerism) and condemns others. I know virtually no one who looked at the a list of substances they could abuse at a recreational level, picked one they fancied and then fell into addiction. I don't think addiction is a logical 'shopping' option, getting dental work and selecting opiates as if life were a buffet.

 

Whatever is going on in AA, if you are giving headspace to how it would feel to be addicted to something, I suggest you take your attention back to your own issues and not dabble in other peoples. If your mind is on what opiates feel like, you clearly have a lot more work on yourself to do.

Edited by Titania

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i echo LB, you are handling your recovery admirably. However, I admit that when reading this inquiry and your previous topic re: the anti-med culture I get an uncomfortable feeling that cannot be denied.

 

Perhaps the root of my discomfort with your questions, and your manner of questioning, is that you are writing a book. It feels as if you are pumping the members of CB for information to fill your quota for "research".

 

I recognize that I am a minority of one and that my feelings are my own and yes, I do own those feelings. I think your enthusiasm and forthrightness are to be saluted, but perhaps you might get further by taming your enthusiasm just a bit and keeping your questions tempered...

Thank you for the words of wisdom. I never realized I was coming across in such a manner. I'm not writing a book or doing research. I am considering writing a book about my own experiences, but I'm trying a memoir writing class first to see how I feel about it. I would never use this board for research in that way. I guess I'm just overly inquisitive. I'll take it down a few nothces. Thanks for letting me know. I really appreciate it.

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Whatever your intentions were in posting this question, I have to say that I find it insensitive and inappropriate.  I went through three deeply unpleasant drug rehab programmes and a shitload of hard work to recover from my opiate addiction and even now, years later, there's a part of me that misses it.  Asking addicts like me to recall in detail how opiates made us feel is to ask us to recall the alluring side to the addiction.  I believe that addicts' brains work in such a way that thinking back to what felt good about our experiences is to risk triggering a longing to feel that "goodness" again.  And I've been in recovery for years.  How is someone new to being clean supposed to handle a question like this?  As I said, not appropriate.  Really, really, thoughtless and inappropriate.

 

My deepest apologies. Have taken your post and others into consideration and deleted my initial post. I won't do it again. Thank you for posting the guidelines about what should and shouldnt be posted in this forum. I should have been more thoughtful. Maybe the Norco was affecting me more than I thought. I shouldnt have been on the compuet at all yesterday. Again Im sorry. Ive tried to redirect this into a positive topic.

 

 

 

The mod for this board (Mirazh) posted the following in 2012.  Please read it.  Emphases are mine.

 

This forum is for people struggling with addiction and trying to get better, and for others to offer them support.

It is not the random dumping ground for questions about recreational drug use, self medication, how to circumvent your doctor's advice, pro-marijuana crusades, and other similar endeavors.

Addictions don't have to be physical to be risky, dangerous, or damaging. Many people get addicted to things that are medicinally useful and prescribed. Gambling, shopping, sex, video games, and more, have been and are addictions for many.

Keep this board on-topic. Don't glorify past or current use. Overcoming an addiction can be a very long and difficult struggle, and not all addictions are overcome right away or on the first try. Please, in this space, respect that.

 

 

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My deepest apologies. Have taken your post and others into consideration and deleted my initial post. I won't do it again. Thank you for posting the guidelines about what should and shouldnt be posted in this forum. I should have been more thoughtful. Maybe the Norco was affecting me more than I thought. I shouldnt have been on the compuet at all yesterday. Again Im sorry. Ive tried to redirect this into a positive topic.

 

Firstly, deleting your entire original post makes the following conversations incongruous. Secondly, your  "positive topic" continues to urge others to dig deeply and "share". It was said early, STOP prying. People share when and how it is comfortable for them. STOP picking the scabs off their wounds.

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My deepest apologies. Have taken your post and others into consideration and deleted my initial post. I won't do it again. Thank you for posting the guidelines about what should and shouldnt be posted in this forum. I should have been more thoughtful. Maybe the Norco was affecting me more than I thought. I shouldnt have been on the compuet at all yesterday. Again Im sorry. Ive tried to redirect this into a positive topic.

 

Firstly, deleting your entire original post makes the following conversations incongruous. Secondly, your  "positive topic" continues to urge others to dig deeply and "share". It was said early, STOP prying. People share when and how it is comfortable for them. STOP picking the scabs off their wounds.

 

I'm sorry I don't understand. Isn't this a discussion forum where people ask questions and share? I didn't realize my second post was prying. I thought I was just generating a topic of discussion like anybody else. Am I not supposed to ask questions?

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I should think that it is common sense not to ask questions of others in the manner you do. Titania said,

"I suggest you take your attention back to your own issues and not dabble in other peoples. If your mind is on what opiates feel like, you clearly have a lot more work on yourself to do.'

 

Good suggestion, pay heed to it and you will go far. Continue to ask probing, prying questions and you might just get stopped in your tracks.

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This is a place to share experiences yes.

 

But the goal of the forum, as far as I can see from the guidelines, is to support and foster peoples moving away from addictions and being honest about how destructive it is. If you were on the self harm forum asking people to describe how burning their skin felt compared to your penchant for cutting yourself, that would be seen in the same way.

 

Ultimately, you don't have an opiate problem, nor are you likely to. So why does it matter, I guess what we are getting it is, what is the purpose of the question? People responding run the risk of kicking up old urges, you aren't an opiate user so you won't gain? You are allowed your idle curiosity, but is that question creating for others?

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Hi. As someone who has managed to avoid heroin for 12 years, and who currently has a stash in my house that I am struggling with (as you can tell from a post I made on this board last week)...

... I'll "do some research" for you either on Saturday night or Sunday. Depending.

And *that* is why your questioning is so dangerous. I'm glad that you have so much external support for your addictions! I do not. My life is spent trying to find people who might be able to support me. I am not having much success. I use CB for support. Do you see how this post is doing the opposite of supporting me?

I suggest that you look up a writer by the name of Stephen Reid. He has written about his heroin addiction. His essay in "Addicted: notes from the belly of the beast" is especially poignant.

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Hi. As someone who has managed to avoid heroin for 12 years, and who currently has a stash in my house that I am struggling with (as you can tell from a post I made on this board last week)...

... I'll "do some research" for you either on Saturday night or Sunday. Depending.

And *that* is why your questioning is so dangerous. I'm glad that you have so much external support for your addictions! I do not. My life is spent trying to find people who might be able to support me. I am not having much success. I use CB for support. Do you see how this post is doing the opposite of supporting me?

I suggest that you look up a writer by the name of Stephen Reid. He has written about his heroin addiction. His essay in "Addicted: notes from the belly of the beast" is especially poignant.

Please do not do any "research" on my behalf.I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling and lacking support. Relapse only makes things worse, never better. I have relapsed before, and all it did was make me even more depressed, exacerbate my mental issues, and hurt the people around me. I am available if you need to talk. You can always go to a 12 step meeting in person or online. Have you let your doctor know how your feeling? Relapse is a process that has numerous stages and ends is use, at  least that is what I was taught in treatment and in school. Just posting what you did is asking for help.

 

If I could delete this entire topic I would. My apologies again. I am used to 12 step programs where people openly discuss what they were like when drinking and how alcohol/drugs affected them. I realize this isn't AA. I see now how people are using this board for support. Thanks for suggesting the book. Good luck to you. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.

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my first post :P

 

 

"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?

 
 Take the best orgasm you've ever had... multiply it by a thousand, and you're still nowhere near it." - Trainspotting 
 
that is so absolute the finest definition for what it does for me during those ever more brief interludes with the vixen of infinity =  opiates
 
 
in my perfect world a prescribed daily low dose of opiates in leu of a fist full of psychotropics is a legal therapy :(    ...i would be unbelievable. just my luck i was too young and stupid to not jump on the Florida pill mill wave before it crested.    and you just cannot be any sort of effective human with the lifestyle and risk of acquiring "IT" from the "streets"
 
 
 
oh yes and hello! all  thank you for welcoming me into your home?
Edited by MrMiami

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