Squish Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 It has been a long time since I habitually self harmed although I've had many slip ups since I gave up. I had another slip up this morning and SI has been on my mind a lot lately. The thing is, I can't think of many good reasons not to make it a habit again. When I've stopped before it was out of shame for doing something "crazy" and worrying about people finding out or because I knew SI was "bad" and I would be doing a bad thing if I did it. Shame, worry and guilt are not doing it for me at the moment so I need some better reasons. Could anyone help me out with some? Or just point me to a thread if there is one already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hagar Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 For me, one of the biggest deterrents is not wanting to add anymore scars to my already fucked up legs and arms. Vanity may not work for others, but it does for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrTastybutt Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 Scabs pull on things. That's a big one for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wooster Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 You deserve to be treated kindly, even by yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squish Posted September 20, 2013 Author Share Posted September 20, 2013 Thanks. I've, um, slipped up again so I guess I need to work on taking care of myself better. Sigh. I'm just a bit weak right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mim Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Because after you self-harm, the problem is still there, and now you have another problem on top of it. Because first aid supplies are expensive. Because it makes a mess, and it's a hassle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mim Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I hope you're okay. And not beating yourself up over the slipping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squish Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 First aid supplies are expensive! I'm not okay, okay but I haven't cut since that last time. That was, um, yesterday, but I'm taking things one day at a time for now. And I'm trying to be kind to myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) The thing is, at the barest level of it, self harm works short term, otherwise, why do it? Given the stigma, risks and hassle it creates, if it didn;t fulfil a purpose in the moment, people wouldn't do it. That said, every person has a reason that is relevant to them for finding another way to cope. Self harm is destructive to your body, self esteem, relationships, career options etc, and it is also unsustainable in that long term it usually escalates or winds up causing more injuries that mean people who self harm have less ability to cope and conceal it. The more self harm becomes an automatic first stop for coping, the less a person has a chance to cope in other ways. Many people who have self harmed long term with no other support find that substituting other coping skills before self harming doesn't make a difference at first, mostly because it takes time and practice to get any real relief and progress from using other coping skills. Self harm is destructive, but it also means that the time you spend self harming i time taken away from finding out if there are other ways you would feel good about using to cope. Self harm is something most people turn to in a time of lack: without support, care from others, a sense of self care, other skills etc. So when people say that nothing else works, it's more because they haven;t been a place where they can experiment and still stay safe with the feelings that exposes them to. If you have been isolated with horrible mental health stuff and you are still alive and trying to get better, then self harm or not, you've done pretty well. Self harm might be where the story began, but don't let it end with self harm. If it got you this far, shame and judgment isn;t going to help you stop. But it is possible to feel intense pain or fear or whatever you feel AND not have to hurt yourself to modulate that. Edited September 21, 2013 by Titania Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mim Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I'm not okay, okay but I haven't cut since that last time. That was, um, yesterday, but I'm taking things one day at a time for now. And I'm trying to be kind to myself. That's great. You deserve that kindness. One day at a time is the answer, it truly is. And Titania is right; we get stuck in it because it does work, sometimes when it's hard to find something else that does. You're continuing to fight: looking for reasons is good, as are the other steps you're taking right now. There's a tendency to think of SI as a simple do/do not act, but it is very complex, and can be wound up into the very way you think and assess problems. Being free of SI is an ongoing thing, I think even when a person has been without it for a long time. So you can still say you're getting there. It's one thing at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squish Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 Thanks Titania, for your really considered response. I'm sorry it has taken me a while to reply. Cutting does tend to escalate over time for me so it is good to stop now before I end up with scars I'll have for years. And I will start thinking about other ways to cope that I can practice and develop over time. I think the worst is over for now and I don't "need" to SI at the moment butI know there'll be lots of times in the future when I feel so bad that I will need some way to cope. Even if I can't say I'll never self harm again, I can at least give myself some alternatives. I am frustrated that, despite getting on meds a year ago and doing a fair bit of therapy, I find myself going back to SI as a way to cope with being overwhelmed. As Mim says, I'm still getting there. Mim, thank you for your encouragement and wisdom, it really helps. Being free of SI is an ongoing thing, I think even when a person has been without it for a long time. So you can still say you're getting there. It's one thing at a time. I agree with you here. It's not a matter of quitting, and that being that. I will need to deal with the mental health stuff that led to me first self harming as a way to cope, and practicing other ways of tolerating and surviving the feelings and thoughts that trigger specific bouts of self harm for a long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squish Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 I'm reviving this because I'm trying to stop again. Over the past few weeks I've been quite distressed slipped back into the habit to cope. I have support and a prn from my GP to help me if I get overwhelmed now. So far it has been 3 days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hagar Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Squish, that's great! I hope the additional support will help you through those tough urges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
writehellarandomshiny Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I don't have much to say but wanted to say congrats on three days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squish Posted December 5, 2013 Author Share Posted December 5, 2013 Well, I've made it one week! I think the extra support has helped. I'm trying to be kinder to myself and not panic or beat myself up when I do something wrong or I'm struggling to stay on top of things as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parapluie Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Hooray for a week! You're doing great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wooster Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Good work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squish Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 I'm just checking in. I slipped last week, and cut (I can't remember when, exactly). But because I was sort of out of the habit it was much more superficial than before. I haven't hurt myself since then. Relapses do happen so I'm not too fussed about having one. I'm definitely out of the habit of SI now and every day I don't do it is it's own achievement. I'm hoping to have less stress over the next few weeks and that will help too. (I'm probably the only one hoping this, as it's nearly Christmas now!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wooster Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 That's great squish! Good work!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie2010 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Yay!! Good for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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