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Married looney toons

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Hubby and I have been married/together for 13 years at the end of the month. His life was like the tv series Son's of Anarchy. Not the cool and glamarous part either. Hell he was born under a assumed name in NYC cause his parents were on the run for being on Canada's 10 MW back then.

I was your typcial textbook incest survivor, we've both had muliple sucide attempts, stays at the funny farm, blah blah blah.

So last year, I had a mid life crisis and decided to take my Community Social Service Worker program. I really wasn't expecting the triggers and hits that would be realeased from the courses taken (silly me - I know), I'm on year two, and funny enough, this semester's big hit is - drum roll please - MENTAL HEALTH! I'm both facinated and pretty messed up by it. It makes me see how fucked up we really are, yet how much we've both really have survived. I'm 46, he's 44, and to look at us, one would not really know. ROFL!

So I was doing a paper on mental health and stumbled upon this board and am very grateful that I have!

Hubby dearest has always been a little OCD, expects way too much from himself, and doesn't believe your working unless your sweating your balls off. He has suffered from alittle anxiety, but then who doesn't right? well the last six months or so, it's so far gone, it's almost like he can't function. He has incredible night terrors. He thrashes, kicks, screams, cries, doesn't remember why. If he has a job to go to, he works himself up so much stresssing out, he pukes so he can't do anything else. He shakes so much, he can't eat. He's starving himself.


He's been on Celexa for three years and it's not cutting it anymore. I just got him on .5 of Ativan (opposed to my 2.0) and trying him at .25 of Serequel to help him sleep. The doctors/Mental health suck around here. He doesn't like to be drugged out, he wants to work, yet he can't function. Last time he asked for help, they started him on 100 mg of Serequel and he couldn't do much more then drool and walk into things. They were too have a meeting of the team and get back thim. The avoided his phone calls and brushed him off. So he cut off all ties including medications

So, he went back to the celexa but things are getting bad again. He's asked to see someone again.....but so far, expeience has not been so hot. They dont know what to do with him :(( He's never been this bad :(( He can't work, he can't function.


p.s I just got the larzorin (sp?) for ptsd nightmares yesterday for him, how long does that take to hit?

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Your husband needs a good doctor.  Let me repeat, your husband needs a good doctor and then some therapy.

If the last doctor was not helpful then find another doctor.


You wrote that he is asking to see someone.  So don't waste time posting online.  Find him good medical care.


I can't even imagine a childhood like Sons of Anarchy.  Jesus.  Lord knows what he saw or witnessed as a child.

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Hi BrokenAngel.


You are welcome here.


And you are welcome to post at CB about your own experiences being mentally interesting.


Because CrazyBoards is a first-person site, I'm going to move this to the relationships forum where it's ok to talk about your experiences with your spouse.

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Hi there, another welcome to CB!!!


When I saw your title post, I thought of my own parents (32 years, not 13, but both qualify as looney toons).  While their situations weren't as odd as those of you and your husband's, my mom did grow up with an extremely emotionally abusive father who eventually incited her to run away (she never saw him again after getting married to my dad), and my dad grew up in extreme rural poverty (as in never saw running water until college).  Their current relationship is a bit odd and only remains stable since they blame every little conflict they have on me.


Anyways, congratulations on your starting your CSSW program.  I know you're on yourself for doing something that you think was stupid and the effect of a "mid-life crisis", but sometimes these crises can inspire us to do wonderful things.  Three years ago, I was dropping out of the job market after two years of entirely futile job searching, and thought "what if I started a degree in library science?".  The school accepted me, and that led to a PhD program in health information accepting me.  Library science wasn't too bad for me (it's a degree that is just designed for über-nerds), but health information has had its "grin and bear it [or blast the article]" parts.


Let me repeat, I see your decision to start the CSSW thing as *not* stupid.  Yes, I know mental health is being a bit triggery for you there.  While we don't have to take an entire course on MH/MI, we get case studies out the wazoo and attempt to write in support of them.  They made the mistake of assigning me to a study where moderately depressed patients given only counseling fared better than patients given only SSRIs and I took about 6 other references (including a very nerdy statistics textbook) to blast it and the water it was in right out of the freakin' lake. </MI library nerd rant>


Anyways, most importantly, it looks like the program hasn't just made you find CB, it's given you insight onto the problems you and your husband are facing.  I'm not sure what your view on these issues was prior to learning more about MH/MI.  I don't know where you live, but my condolences that your husband can't find a semi-decent care team.  I don't know how big of a town you live in, but my experience is once the metro population is below 1 million, care gets pretty sh*tty as none of the competent clinicians want to live in the middle of nowhere.  And only about 75 metro areas in the US have a population of above 1 million.  If you are stuck in a case like this you might want to seek the nearest major metro area.


Obviously, both you and your husband (moreso him it seems) need a competent care team.  Puking under stress is fairly normal (well, for me at least).  If he is losing weight and can't sleep, I would think maybe mirtazapine (Remeron) should be considered, it's a middle-aged (from 1996, I think?) antidepressant my pdoc uses only for refractory depression cases... the reason he doesn't give it out like candy is that it makes patients crave food like the devil.  Which is good if you're puking.


Also, his thrashing/kicking/etc. during night terrors sort of worries me because I have a similar disorder.  Are you sure they're night terrors? (You can tell by when you wake him up, he won't have the foggiest idea what would have set off that behavior.)  The other option (REM sleep behavior disorder/RBD) has roughly the same behavior during dreams, and is due to the patient acting out dreams (if your husband says he was dreaming and can describe it, it's RBD).  RBD is dangerous mostly because the motions are much more purposeful than in night terrors and the patient can (personal experience here) get up and run into walls, etc.  Or just be a very injurious bed partner.  I understand RBD is usually caused by genetic predispositions, or by Parkinson disease and similar syndromes (and can be a side effect of anti-dopamine drugs like Seroquel). 


But it is obvious that your husband needs quality professional help for his anxiety, sleep issues, and depression.  You may wish to check with your school's counseling services to see if there is a practitioner or hospital they recommend for him - most schools will do this for you even if it's your husband in trouble, providing you can prove you two are related by marriage.


Lastly, haven't found anything about this 'larzorin' drug you mentioned, could be spelling... I know there are a ton of blood pressure drugs used for PTSD that end in '-zoSin' though, like prazosin and terazosin.  I was once tried on the latter and yeah, it took a few days and 5x the recommended hypertension dose for things to work.  I went back to clonidine after 3 weeks since apparently at 5mg of terazosin, you're on the ledge between where it works and where it could create a sudden and fatal fall in blood pressure and my doc didn't feel this was safe.  Best of luck!!!

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Thank you all so much for anaswering!!

He has tried, tried again and again to seek help. Most don't know what to do with him!! He grew up with the don't tell ANYHING mentallity to strangers, again the biker world.

Sorry, I'm typing in the dark, my computor seems to be in the only room without light, to figger huh? So, we live in one of the biggest cities in Canada, but our Mental Health system is a joke. He doesn't get monitered and the *sit down and tell me how you feel* crap, is just that crap. Either they don't know how to handle him, want to write a book, or shuffle him around and he gives up....again.


Like I mentioned he's on Celexa, the highest dosage available right now, remron has been added and .5 of ativan. The new medication is prazosin. He is on the emergency list to see someeone, and that is at lease a months wait.


When we first got together, he'd sleep in his jeans, and could hear a mouse fart - he's be up on his feet ready to go.....ie ready to fight for his life, and still be asleep. It took me two years go break him of that habit. Now he just looks like a zombie. He's always dreamign he's fighting, or the other night it was that I left him. He woke up sobbing harshly, and hyperventilating. When I wake him up (gentley, by rubbing him, soothing him) he rarely rembers what it is, but usually involves fighting, or the ghosts of his mother or his murdered brother coming for him.

l chose this forum because it seemed to be the on that is the closest to being what he/I are going through right now. Someone mentioned a relationships one? Can I please have a link to that one too?


While we are waiting, any suggestions on other things? I'm trying to get him to write things down.....

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Sounds like your husband has RBD if he keeps associating 'bad' dreams with his night terror episodes, but I am not one to diagnose him. 


You may wish to refer him to a sleep clinic (not sure how this is handled in Canada, though).


RBD would be dangerous for you (his bed partner), him, and his psyche (it severely reduces the ability to have refreshing sleep, which could cause problems out the wazoo).  There are also medications that help, both by moderating dreams (like clonidine does) and by weakening muscles during sleep (clonazepam for my case).


"Sleep well first, ask questions later" as my pdoc once put it.  By 'well', he meant in the right amount of course, and with the proper proportion of REM sleep, and without RBD, which is why he isn't hesitant to prescribe me clonazepam on a regular basis despite its abuse potential. 


Of course, in my country (the USA), we as patients have much more control over our clinical pathways (and have the burden of even more of the expenses!).

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