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Does it really get better?: Advice on Intimacy


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Hey ladies and gents, 

 

I'm on a mission of recovery, and part of it is trying to not be terrified of people.

 

Absent parents, violent sister, the whole bit. The thing is (and I know this topic has already been brought up, but I don't wanna kill anyone's vibe) I can't get close to most anyone. Superficially of course, coworkers, aquaintances, etc., but I've found that more recently, I can't make any new friends, especially close ones, and the thought of a relationship has me too worried. I thought I was shy but if I'm being honest with myself, I have faith in very few and 'everyone within arms reach is capable of something terrible.' Not only do I not trust people but also myself as I've allowed most of my friendships and relationships to be with very toxic people.

 

In relation to PTSD, I abhor unwanted contact, especially of unexpected physical nature. It's at a point where my friends cannot touch me or walk up to me from behind. And potential partners are a no-no as they tend to touch occasionally (hand on the small of the back)

 

CORNY WARNING: It's undoubtedly the fear of looking into someone's eyes and giving them a piece of me that they might be able to run away with.

 

Many of you guys might have this issue, and I'm extra determined to get better, so I was hoping you might have any specific ideas or baby steps I can take to get close to people and get back in the game (was I ever there?).

 

 

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Hi Enrichie

 

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY support you on your quest for recovery. I feel like I'm a great current example of what that can look and feel like, and I feel super fortunate about that.

 

One of the things I found that really helped was mindfulness practices. They helped me to learn how to stay in the present moment without flipping out and assigning meaning to the interaction based on my past instead of my present. I had a really really skillful therapist to help me with some parts of this.

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AnneMarie -

 

I'm looking into a therapist, but it is not covered as of now, so I don't know if that will be an easy option.

 

"One of the things I found that really helped was mindfulness practices. They helped me to learn how to stay in the present moment without flipping out and assigning meaning to the interaction based on my past instead of my present."

 

Thanks for this. Just knowing that my mind is better rested in the present helps a lot. My day was productive and I'm going to put real effort into being realistic when my sister gives it straightforward (which she's known for.) Step by step I suppose.

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Can you explain "Mindfullness" I have heard of the concept but don't really understand it.

 

 

 

I can give an example of mindfulness -

 

The other day I left work in a great mood. Happy, relaxed, ready to be home.  As I was driving my mind flashed on home - hubby maybe going on bike ride, not sure what I would do with the rest of the day.

 

Wham!  Out of nowhere I plunged down deep into that what is the point of anything I am worthless life has no meaning state.

 

Immediately I traced my thought processes back to the moment of the plunge.  It was when I thought of the word 'home'.  There I was back to my childhood home, not the one I am living in now.  

 

Aha!  This is not my present.  That is my past.  I am now blessed with my family, my home, my work, my friends.  

 

Just that little bit of mindfulness was enough to lift me out of the bloody depths of hell and back into my current reality.

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