Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

How do you not let successful people get on your nerves?


Recommended Posts

How do you not let successful people get on your nerves?

 

With me, I have a hard time forgetting about past events in which people yelled at me and pointed their finger at me telling me to get over myself and that I'm too young and that they don't care about my condition. Also, I feel even more low when I look at people my age (mid-20's) who are already successful in life and have everything already. Some are already managers, assistant producers, registered nurses, marketing execs, respected by society, etc., at age 25!

 

I am a human being with mental illness. I am not a loser, I'm working on my future, but I still feel behind. With my condition, If I push myself too fast, I easily become too tired, the voices keep interfering with my goals. Can anybody relate to what I am going through? 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I definitely feel you. I'm 24 and still in college, with a couple years left, meanwhile the people I entered college with are getting their graduate degrees or already have great jobs or families. I just keep trying to remind myself that, despite what the media and society in general wants us to think, life is not a competition. Everyone goes at their own pace. One person's supposed success doesn't cancel any of mine out or make them any less than theirs. And there are a LOT of people out there who struggled all through their 20s, even 30s, and manage to eventually build themselves a life they're happy with and proud of. I'd wager that a lot of those young "successful" people are fucked up on the inside somehow, too. Nothing's ever perfect. What the hell is success, anyway? In my opinion, living with a mental illness is a success all on its own. So many are lost to it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i really wish i knew the answer. i do think that the problem that you've described is at the crux of my mental illness - i just feel like i'm an observer in life, with everyone else but me having these wonderful lives. little do we know that things behind the scenes could be well and truly fucked up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have this problem so bad. But I agree you just have to keep reminding yourself it's not a race. I sometimes think that just because they are 'succesful' doesn't mean they are perfect. Everyone has their things going on, and they might feel awful about themselves anyway.You're doing the best you can and that is enough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm more inclined to feel self-loathing rather than irritation when I'm surrounded by people who are more successful than I am, but I try my best to remember that no one gets by in life without suffering and that not everyone who seems like an outwardly successful person is happy and content with their life. I don't wish ill will on anyone successful unless they go out of their way to hurt others and belittle people who are less successful than they are. Despite my difficulties, I'm happier than some people who are objectively more successful than I am. There are a lot of miserable people with high-powered careers and families.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't feel self loathing, nor do successful people get on my nerves. i have no reason to feel diminished because of my friends' successes. It isn't a zero sum game. AND, not every one who is successful is automatically happy or fulfilled. I'm not saying *none* of them are happy, but I guarantee that a large number feel trapped, and not all that impressed with themselves.

 

This is something to talk with a Tdoc. You're behaving as if your only measure of your self respect is how high up the "ladder" you. Your value is implicit, you have nothing to prove to anyone.

 

P.S. I may have blown grammar and spelling. Blame it on the Flexiril.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

How do you not let successful people get on your nerves?

 

It used to bother me so much when I would hear of how people my age/went to school with were so successful, kids, houses, good job, etc.  But somehow over the past few years I think I accepted myself as I am, and I can finally be happy for everyone else, AS LONG AS they don't put me down in ANY way.  If they treat me like a person, and encourage me (or whatever), then it doesn't bother me if others my age are successful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It gets to me, too. I'm 22 and a lot of the people I went to high school with are finishing university, travelling etc while I'm not doing much of anything. I find if I go on Facebook, even for five minutes, I feel terrible. Seeing all the photos in exotic locations, in graduation gowns etc just really makes me feel awful about myself. I think it's helpful to view it with some perspective, and remember that there are many others in similar or worse situations. They just don't advertise it. 

 

Being jealous of these people doesn't make much more sense than being jealous of movies stars and royalty, it's just because I feel I "should" have what they have, and perhaps "could" have had it, if only...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel like I am not where i should be sometimes. I'm 37 and finally back in school to finish what I started in my 20's and get a degree and pursue a more fulfilling and better suited career than I have had most of my life thus far. Many of the ppl I went to high school with are married, have careers, kids, etc. But it doesn't annoy me. I'm happy for them if that's what brings them happiness. That path is not for me.

For the most part I'm pretty happy with where i am and I try not to compare myself with other ppl that may be deemed more successful than i am. It's a matter of what you consider successful. And remembering that it ISN'T a race...everyone is unique in how they go about life and at what pace. My ideas of what success meant changed a lot from my 20's to my 30's. I feel more successful now b/c I have a better idea of what I want out of life and have a deeper understanding of my MI & am managing it much better than I used to. I'm sticking with therapy, taking my meds, and better with my self care overall. I'm doing what I want to be doing for the first time in a while (going to school) and it brings me happiness.

I CAN relate to what yer saying...just feel differently about it than when I was younger.

Edited by Jaytea
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought about this a lot earlier this week when there were some topics posted on the BP board about whether or not anyone would choose not to have their disorder if they could, or whether it could be seen as a blessing.  I didn't answer in either thread because I got myself into a mental spin about how far behind I am from where I feel I "should" be career- and lifewise compared to some of my contemporaries.  At times it has driven me crazy with anger to think about how I'm slowly and painfully putting together a PhD at the age of 40, when there are students in their twenties who have already completed theirs. And also that although I have a management-level job, the other person in my department at the same level is 12 years younger than me.  It can make me equally frustrated to look at people my age who have solid, happy marriages and children.  I will never have children, and my three-year marriage ended in a very nasty divorce in 2008, from which I'm still trying to recover financially. 

 

However, when I manage to push past all that shit, I do recognise that I was really ill for a very, very long time.  I'm only where I am today (alive, working and studying) by virtue of the fact that my pdoc finally got my medication right at the beginning of 2012.  And, the fact that I didn't get the qualification I need to pursue my dream job 10 years ago doesn't really mean anything - I'm working towards it now, and this is my journey, not anybody else's.  All those other people out there are on their own journeys, going through their own highs and hells - all that really matters is what I do with MY life and MY time.  As Jaytea said above, everyone is unique in how they go about life, and it's not a race.  I really believe that - I may not always be able to access that belief, because I'm human and imperfect, but it's still there.

 

PS Stay off facebook.  If you can't stay off it, don't look at pictures of other people without remembering that there is no such thing as a perfect life.  Really.

Edited by miab
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This drives me batty also.

I was in a wedding and all these people kept asking "what do you do?"

I hope one day I can be like MrTastybutt and just reply, "I'm disabled and crazy, what do you do?" Like it's no big deal.

Mostly I just lie though because it's none of their damn business to know my health situation.

Idk. It's rough for sure to deal with these feelings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I am asked what I am up to, I usually say I am keeping busy, leading a low stress life, finding things to do.  And then immediately ask them how they are and stay away from myself in the conversation.  I rarely talk to people who don't know about the MI, so it is fairly easy to get around. 

 

When I hear about others, I usually can be happy for them unless they talk bad about me behind my back and I get word of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ah, I have been through this and may go through it again, but still, I am actually sort of happy with my life by now; 42 years of age.  Things can change over time for anyone, for the better or for worse.  I used to envy some of my girlfriends when we were in our 20s and they had met and married guys.  Well, one of them ended up divorced and married a second time, to a very similar, controlling type, just non violent this time, so I don't have any envy for her! I feel as though I have failed in terms of my education and career though, mostly in part due to MI and lack of self esteem.  Still, it is never too late to study or change careers, just gets a little harder as you get older (and the MI or meds have made your brain dull!).  I look at many people younger than myself who have achieved more in their education or career and feel a bit stupid but then again, I have managed to find a very decent man, married him, went overseas to travel at least 4 times and have managed to have one son - that is the limit for me though, sadly, due to MI - I just couldn't cope with more kids, sometimes don't cope well with one!! So, in short, don't think that your current situation is necessarily set in concrete for you.  Also, realise you can change things, if you have the desire and support.  Plus, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it and it isn't all it's cracked up to be or it is damned hard work! Best wishes everyone, I hope you find your place in life and with someone to care for and care for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel this way for most of the day, every day of the week. I stopped going on Facebook because of the temptation to look at what people from my school and

university are doing now. I'm 26, have a degree but have only worked in retail and had a small business. In a relationship for 7 years and have no engagement ring,

live in an apartment with no garden. I constantly hate myself because im not engaged, haven't got a career and a house and it makes it worse it just seems to happen so easily for some people.

 

I can find good things about other but not myself. People constantly tell me not to compare myself to others/ don't go on Facebook.

But I just can't seem to shake the sense of failure. It doesn't help that I make this lists in my head of what I want to achieve and I haven't done half of what I was supposed to because depression has wiped years of me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This thread makes me sad. I feel like a lot of you are projecting. I absolutely agree there are competitive shit-heads who like to think they have one-upped everyone. But one or two of my high school friends are famous, and LOADS of my college friends are famous. Names you would recognize. Some are less famous, but still at the pinnacle of their career: journalism, education, medical research. I often am watching tv, and will straighten up, and say to DH, "I know him/her! we were in the same dorm/major/class" together.

 

None of them, none, has ever treated me any differently than they ever did. I am sure a lot of them thought "Well that explains that!" But that's legitimate.

 

One of my little sisters is the head of a classics department in upstate NY, and is correcting the galleys of her book that Oxford press is about to publish. Another little sister is a millionaire (the one caring for the dog I am going to adopt). My youngest sister got her second graduate degree, and is starting with a veterinary practice at 43. Maybe it's because my family (barring my mother) treat me like a whole person that I am more comfortable in the world at large. But I just hear so much self-loathing here, not just from having experienced rejection, but self-hate.

 

Some times shit happens. And that is all there is to it. You didn't choose to be mentally ill. It happened. It just sounds like you take so much of the onus of your illnesses onto yourself, as if you are doing something wrong.

 

I have a lot of flexeril in me, and am probably going to be upset I posted this in the morning, but here goes....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm glad you have had mainly all good experiences.  It is just totally different when mostly *everyone* is just doing well and they make you feel like crap because you aren't as successful as them.  I guess it just depends on the person/people in your life, now and in the past.

 

 

ETA spelling.

Edited by melissaw72
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...