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All my reasons against sh just aren't working today


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Im not a 'regular' self harmer, as in I don't do it everyday like I used to.  It only ever happens when I start to become ill.  Thats all good, but once I start, I can't stop.  It gets more serious, I'm in a&e daily, then I end up being sectioned within about a week.  I can't remember the last time I self harmed where that process did not happen.  Thus, my main coping strategy is the fact that I don't want to end up on the psych ward.  Most of the time its works but sometimes, the urges just get way too strong, I convince myself I can do it once and then stop.  Of course that never happens.

 

I'm studying DBT so I've been through all my distress tolerance and mindfullness stuff about 20 times in the last 24 hrs.  I just can't concentrate tho.

 

I have a massive list of alternatives, pro's and con's but nothing is working atm.  I've been given some lorazepam by my gp, so I have that, but its a last resort.  I was a bit stupid yesterday, I bought what I needed.  I havent used them yet but they're sat on my fridge.  I know I should throw them away but I just can't bring myself to do it. :wall:

 

Thanks

Caroline

x

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Hi. I saw you in chat, but I didn't realize that you were struggling.

You're really strong to post here and, and to go to chat, when you're encountering difficulties. I hope that eventually you can speak up when chat is being inane (many of the regulars have come to know each other) and say that you need support. 

 

Do you live with anyone? Can they hold on to your tools for you? Can you give them to a friend to hold on to for you? Or, can you put them in a container, fill the container with water, and put it in the freezer? That way you have to wait for them to thaw out before you can use them?

Some people find that crisis lines are good for when you are struggling like this. Can you reach out to one? 

It's okay to use your lorazepam if you need it. It was given to you for this reason - when nothing else is working. That's pretty much the definition of last resort.

Can you tell your care team that you're really struggling with this right now? If you're honest in advance, you're less likely to end up sectioned if they can head it off earlier.

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  • 10 months later...

I know how hard it is to not cut when you feel like you really need to, so I'm not going to tell you not to do it (because that never works.)

I will, however, encourage you to be more careful. Is it possible for you to cut less deep? Is there something cutting this deep is doing for you, as opposed to cutting more carefully?

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