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I knew I was gay from a really young age. I never really tried to fight it. I hid it for a long time, but in my heart I accepted it and never felt ashamed or anything. I was always happy I was gay, and I still am. It's other people's reactions that I find hard to accept.

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Well, my attractions to other males started at 13, I didn't fully realise I was gay till I was 15. I'm 22 now and I don't like it, but I'm starting to accept that I can't change it. I suppose that's what "accepting it" means? I still feel embarrassed/ashamed about it, although objectively I know there is no reason to feel that way. I think it can take a long-time to truly be okay with it. Most people seem to get there eventually though. 

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@mcjimjam

 

I always knew i had something more for girls than guys. But, i ignored it, because i was raised in a very traditional. SO i thought oh it is just a phase i am making it all up in my mind for at least 8 years.

 

I tried being with men... tried being attracted to them... i get nothing sexually or emotionally. I will admit i am intrigued by the male body, but i am in the medical field. 

 

I am a lesbian and i know that oh to well.

 

But, at the same time i can't accept it....i have LGBT friends and i love them. So why can't i love myself.

 

I was raised in a home where i didn't have a true family.. crappy father... and all that shit. And when i was young i was gonna promise myself i would marry a great guy, have kids and create the best possible family. But, my sexual orientation blows that out of the field. But, then again i could always have a family with a chick. SO i feel bad not being able to accept my sexuality... gonna go to the gay pride event in my town so yay... and slowly go into it. I expect it will take me time.. at least a year for some kind of acceptance.

 

Anywho nice to know that i am not alone...in it taking years to admit to myself and then probably some long time to come to some acceptance.

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I'm glad I found this thread. I have also known I was gay from a very young age. I didn't really think about it as I didn't really understand but knew for sure when I started high school. I was always myself and other students picked up that I was gay and I was bullied from my very first day verbally and physically and the trauma has stayed with me. Family tell me it happened so long ago and to get over it but they don't understand it stays with you. I have had trouble accepting myself ever since and self medicated for many years to try and numb my depression and anxiety, which has progressivly gotten worse. I've only just started getting help and have so far been dx with a depressive and anxiety adjustment disorder and PTSD. I guess I'm still trying to find myself and am still hopeful I'll get there.

Edited by AroundtheWorld82
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@AroundtheWorld82

 

Well if u don't feel right being with a woman, then to find that kind of love people have together...have to try being with a male. But, it' definitely takes major baby steps. Which is what i am doing.....hoping that the end goal is worth all the hard steps i personally have to go through.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Coming out and accepting my sexuality has fortunately been a very natural process. I never questioned who I was or felt I had to change to fit in, I just didn't have a label for what I was until I realized I was gay. At that point all of the pieces fit together.

I've been with my partner (now wife) for 14 years and we have a child together. :)

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I have been bi since I was 13 and I am 33. I am monogamous with a German man currently and he's also bi... call me bigoted all you want but I have only had happy relationships with bisexual men or women.  Gay men and straight women always thought I would sleep with anything and were paranoid.

 

I am glad people admit to call themselves questioning these days rather than the "bisexual transition" it is annoying.  

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  • 2 weeks later...

I first developed feelings towards a girl in my French class when I was 14 or 15. At the time, I told myself it was a one-time thing and that I was just confused. I had fleeting feelings towards other girls after that, but I suppressed them and told myself it was just desperation and loneliness born out of the fact that I couldn't get a guy... I had a serious case of ugly duckling going on throughout most of my adolescence, not to mention I grew up in a pretty rural area.

"I'm just desperate."
"I'm just admiring the aesthetics and wishing I could pull off that look."
"It's just a phase."
"I would have noticed by now if I REALLY liked girls."
"It's just a phase, and I don't want to look stupid if I'm wrong."
"I've been surfing 4chan for so long that I'll get turned on by just about anything, so I'm not really like this."

 

Between that and depression drowning my libido for a few years, I didn't start to realize and accept my bisexuality until my third year in college. Coming to terms with that has released a lot of cognitive tension that I didn't even know I had.

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Never thought I was bi, till I went to college at an exclusive school for girls. I had two girlfriends there simply because well, there were no boys.

 

So after college, I had a boyfriend. Then I thought those girlfriends were just a "phase" since it was a "thing" like in any all-girl school. Until I started theater and got attracted to another girl. Then I saw Gia (Gia, 1998 Angelina Jolie)  and it opened my mind about it. After I broke up with my boyfriend, I became really close to my ex girlfriend and we became like best friends. Then I started having feelings for her again (at a very bad timing, mixed state with anxiety = obsessive thoughts). But since then, I accepted that I am bi. But now I think I am more lez than bi. But I am open to anything. I mean, my belief is, it doesn't matter who you love. You can be lez but if you fall in love with a guy then you fall in love. To me, it's just labels. If you like someone, you like someone. 

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I started dating a girl when I was 16. We talked online, and met, hit it off immediately. Our first date was to a used book store, and then we went to the beach and read while a band played.

 

Her mother was so loving, and open, and she accepted me as her daughters girlfriend, even with my many piercings and blue hair. I'm still in contact with my first girlfriend (I identify as bisexual) and her mother to this day, and their openness and acceptance really helped. I came out to my mother later. She knew and didn't bat an eye.

 

I really had no problem with my sexuality. I was open with friends. I was afraid of my mom's reaction, but she was open and accepting.

 

You should never be ashamed of who you are or who you love. Like others said, it came naturally. It never felt weird. I never had to hide it. I was fortunate, though.

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It took me a long time to figure out I was asexual. I admire, aesthetically, both men and women. I have been in love with both men and women. I have *very rarely* felt strong physical attraction to mostly men, when it happens. But I rarely even THINK about sex, much less long for it or "miss" it. I do miss the intimacy of a relationship and understand it's unlikely I'll have one again.

 

Just like any non-het orientation, it can be (and is for me) really hard to accept asexuality. I still, at times, feel like something's "wrong" with me, like it's a medical thing or something. But the fact that it doesn't BOTHER me (other than it being "not normal") makes me think it's natural. What I mean is, I don't want to have sex nor do I want to want to have sex. So it "feels" normal because I don't feel an absence of something that I want but don't have. It is *very* tough to meet people with whom you can be intimate without being sexual, at least in my experience. Sex always seems to come up at some point. Men in particular have a big problem with it - i.e., that there's something "wrong" with me.

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I have been bi since I was 13 and I am 33. I am monogamous with a German man currently and he's also bi... call me bigoted all you want but I have only had happy relationships with bisexual men or women.  Gay men and straight women always thought I would sleep with anything and were paranoid.

 

 

Yes, this seems to be fairly common. I've never figured out if it was just jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, bigotry, once bitten twice shyness, or anger at not "taking sides". Maybe some other reason. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think I'm bisexual, I'm attracted to both men and women, have only dated men. I'm married so that throws a wrench in it, but accepting these thoughts is new to me. I'm just attracted to men and women, them as a person, not necessarily gender. It feels comfy and freeing to admit I'm attracted to women. My husband would be supportive, he'd want a 3-some out of it, lol. I want to be with my husband forever, I'm just interested in women. I don't know what to call it.

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I'm somewhere between lesbian and asexual, still figuring that out, so I decided that "queer" was the best word to describe it. My gf is bi and... I am not scared she suddenly goes to a guy (let's be honest, I am scared she decides to go with someone else, girl or guy, but that's mostly my self-esteem), I really don't care whether she's bi, gay, pan, whatever, I'm just happy to be with her as a person? *some prejudices I just can't understand*

 

And... it took me loooots of time. I first thought I was gay when I was 11. Told it to my tdoc who said it proved I needed to be fixed. After that, I "forgot" it until I was 16, which is when I finally connected the dots "oh, so falling for girls might be a hint that I am not 100% straight". I told my mother (since she is with a woman, I knew she was not going to disown me), some of my friends, but not the rest of my family (father and sister) since... my mother's choice "activated" bad homophobic reactions and I have no wish to face them now...

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I've found it pretty easy to accept being asexual, but the problem I've had is nobody else seems to accept it and I can't figure out how to explain it to them. I get a lot of "that doesn't exist" and "you just haven't found the right person yet" which is sooooo incredibly invalidating. people seem to think they are being encouraging, as if the thought of someday developing sexual feelings would be encouraging to me. (it isn't. I am very happy the way I am...well at least, very happy with being asexual. I don't feel like i'm missing out on anything. similarly, even though i'm a math geek, I don't necessarily feel people who aren't into math are missing out on anything. if they don't like it, they don't like it. none of my business.)

 

I have also had situations where I ended up doing things sexually that I didn't want to do (quite frankly, doing things sexually doesn't ever cross my mind as something I want to do) because I couldn't figure out how to say no and how to explain to people that I didn't want it. coming to terms with that past is going to be very painful, I think. But I hope I have learned enough to be able to firmly say no from now on.

 

Being romantically attracted to women also complicates things. people sometimes think I am a lesbian in denial about it, which is not true. I mean I guess I am a lesbian in a sense, but not in the usual sense. and certainly not in denial about anything.

 

And lastly, I (and I think most asexuals) don't have any problem with anybody else's sexuality. sometimes I get misunderstandings with people about that, which makes me really sad because I don't discriminate against anyone and I just want everybody to do whatever makes them happy (as long as it is consensual of course).

Edited by starship_subaru
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  • 2 years later...

I don't want to accept my sexuality and probably won't then again who knows I'm really young. I've come out to very few people and everytime I do It gives me this feeling of dread, it makes feel like I want to die. My depression has reached the lowest it's ever been, I used to be religious before I realized it was bullshit but I won't lie ingorance is bliss.

I loathe myself and I can't even look at same sex couples it makes me sick to stomach but I think it's because secretly I covet their happiness I honestly don't know. I can't even kill myself because in the process I might cause my other friend who is trans to kill herself or make her extremely depressed it's like being trapped in a hell I can't escape. 

I fucking hate being in the LGBT community and would do anything to get out of it but hey life is a cruel fucking mistress and there's nothing you can do.

 

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On 8/25/2016 at 10:25 PM, NoRestForTheWicked said:

I don't want to accept my sexuality and probably won't then again who knows I'm really young. I've come out to very few people and everytime I do It gives me this feeling of dread, it makes feel like I want to die. My depression has reached the lowest it's ever been, I used to be religious before I realized it was bullshit but I won't lie ingorance is bliss.

I loathe myself and I can't even look at same sex couples it makes me sick to stomach but I think it's because secretly I covet their happiness I honestly don't know. I can't even kill myself because in the process I might cause my other friend who is trans to kill herself or make her extremely depressed it's like being trapped in a hell I can't escape. 

I fucking hate being in the LGBT community and would do anything to get out of it but hey life is a cruel fucking mistress and there's nothing you can do.

 

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with this. Do you have a therapist you can talk about your identity with?

Coming to understand and accept who you are is one of the hardest things people have to do. I think most LGBT people have, and continue to, struggle with it. I know I do. I've been out for years and I'm in a happy relationship, and I still find myself wishing I was straight. I get it. Being told "It Gets Better" doesn't really help. But sometimes, it really does get better. As much as I wish I were straight, I wouldn't trade my girlfriend for anyone in the world. Anyway. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone, and that with time it might get easier.

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