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Anxiety much better, but doubts persist


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My anxiety toward me obsessive thoughts about reality are much better thanks to erp, but the doubt is still there. Can I ever get to a point where I 'feel' sure the thought is wrong even if I cant prove it so it will stop haunting me? I had hoped with enough work this could be the case :/

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It's like a pot smoker who can't relax like he used to when smoking...He tries to convince his self that he is not paranoid but the more he tries to push the thought out the more profound it becomes.....I just kinda let it go.....Not giving it a inch of respect because I mean no one here can be sure of your future but.....I am going on six years of the same out of body theme and I mean I deal with triggers but. I accept the fact that I have OCD and not let it rule my life.....That is what I want you to understand......That I can't be certain that any of you are real. That this world is fake or I'm God in the flesh and that every one around me is a test to see what could happen. But I don't dwell on these thoughts. I want to be like you in a lot of ways. No more of things holding me back from enjoying the life I once had. Therapy and meds really do help...And you may not get your whole life back like never worrying about things you never thought where importent. But, you will have a life.

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I know ill never know, but I can believe. That's what I want, to believe strong enough that it doesn't matter that I cant know, and then only think about it every now and then, as I know it wont be gone forever. I just feel so disconnected from people, especially people I love, I don't want them to always feel empty now.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Weekends are very hard, and evenings at home when my family is with me...im going to cbt today and im just terrified it wont help. I don't want to be this way forever, its not worth it. I hate having these thoughts without the anxiety...wont they ever leave me alone?

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Perhaps over time with CBT you will learn to effectively countermand the thoughts by holding them up to scrutiny. I'm guessing that when that happens you will feel less disturbed by them.

 

Another thing to consider is not investing any energy in the thoughts... not letting them distress you, just notice that there's a thought... not buying into what the content of the thought itself is. Just acknowledging that you have a thought and then watch it travel away. Sometimes people do a visualization where thoughts are leaves falling from a tree into a stream, and the stream carries the thoughts away. I prefer something a little more active like imagining that I have a sticky foam gun fire extinguisher and use the foam to stick the thoughts up against the wall so they're trapped there and can't move. 

 

Practicing these visualizations for a small period of time with any and all thoughts seems to make it easier to use the technique more effectively when the annoying thought shows up.

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You'll need to remember: Getting rid of OCD is not being completely sure the thought isn't real, it's not giving a damn if the thought is real or not. Being indifferent to the question is the cure.

 

Of course, OCD often has dramatic manifestations like thoughts about killing someone you love or yourself. How can I just ignore such a thought? I need to understand that this isn't the real "me"!!

The key to acceptance is: Accept the thought but not the action. Thoughts do not equal actions. It's OK to have obsessional thoughts even if they are homicidal or suicidal. It doesn't mean you do have suicidal or homicidal thoughts. They are completely different.

 

After some time, anxiety will reduce. It will often leave you with a new anxiety "are the thoughts real when I don't have as much anxiety as I used to"? Been there, done that..

The truth is, they are not real. Your brain is just habitating to the thoughts.

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For me, it came down to probabilities.

 

I have to go with what is more probable.

 

I *could* drive myself crazy with possibilities, but I decided there were more fun things I'd rather do with my time, so I got some effective treatment.

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I have times where I would clearly meet the diagnostic criteria. Most of the time I have at least a handful of the diagnostic criteria but not enough for a full fledged primary diagnosis. My former tdoc used to call it "flavors of OCD".

 

You should assume that anyone who mods on a board has some personal experience with that board's topic.

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Remember to accept the thoughts, which does NOT mean you will have to accept what the thoughts are telling you.

 

I'm using this line for acceptance:

 

"Maybe it's OCD. Maybe it's suicidal ideation. I don't know and I will not worry so much about it. What I do know, however, is that I'm not going to act on the thoughts".

 

This line is, in my opinion, perfectly balanced and makes me accept my thoughts.

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The maybes are making me so depressed though, its very hard to accept. Im hoping when I do eventually ill believe in the opposite though, that everything is real.

 

This is anxiety and completely normal in OCD.

 

You are not going to accept that the world isn't real, you are going to accept your thoughts about the world not being real!

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I feel like im getting there, to a point where people feel there again at time, but I feel so uncomfortable around them, especially my parents. I want it to feel like it was before, relaxed and full of love. Im not sure what to do about this except force myself to be around people and act like I want to feel.

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