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Is it necessary for me to seek additional medical attention?


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I was wondering if anyone could help me easy my nerves or give me advice on whether or not I should seek additional medical help. I think it would be easiest to explain my situation by giving you guys a timeline:

 

7th/8th Grade - began to feel moderately depressed (most likely over realizing I was gay)

9th Grade - Grandma and Grandpa on my Mom's side passed away

10th Grade - Dad and Grandpa (My Dad's dad) were diagnosed with cancer, both in the same exact locations of their stomach

11th Grade - My Grandpa passed away, then 6 months later my Dad passed away

12th Grade - Developed pretty unbearable depression, was bullied at school and was "outted" in front of my entire high school by being pointed at during lunch with a kid saying that I was gay and that he had proof. I then withdrew from high school because I was too embarrassed to return and completed online

 

Freshman Year of College - Was having a miserable time, couldn't complete any school work well then sought help. I was put on Remeron for depression, Lamictal just because my mood was fluctuating minimally throughout the day, was diagnosed with ADD and put on Adderall, and was in weekly therapy. My depression began to be lifted, and I did much better in school.

 

End of Freshman Year - My last Grandma passed away of pneumonia

 

Summer In Between Freshman and Sophomore Year - My uncle passed away of cancer, however my depression was still very mild and felt ok

 

Sophomore Year - My only sibling, my sister, who I was very close with was working in Italy as a tour guide just to get the experience of traveling after she graduated from college. We received a call that she had gone missing and immediately launched a massive search operation. After a four day search, they found her body in a roadside canal. She had gone for a run on the runner's path and was struck by a car and killed, who then left her there. She was only 23, and it was now down to just my Mom and I. Almost immediately after my sister passed away (I was 20 at the time) I began heavily smoking marijuana daily to cope, but only at night because it made me anxious and awkward around people. It caused some derealization but mainly it changed the way I looked at myself - ever since I began smoking pot I have been extremely insecure and hard on myself about past things I've done. I took Fall semester off and stayed home with my Mom, then returned to school for Spring Semester where I managed to still do well in school. However, I continued to smoke pot and was very anti social, even living in a single apartment. All I did was concentrate on school, but it may have been because of the Adderall too. Also, this is when I had my first major panic attack. I also started to notice I had trouble speaking, I would sometimes slur my words together and stutter when talking to people.

 

Summer In Between Sophomore and Junior Year - I got in this really bad habit of heavily abusing my Adderall. I had this swing in my backyard, and I would take way more adderall than prescribed, swing, listen to music, and fantasize about what my life could still end up being like. I would fantasize about me possibly having a family, giving my mom grandkids, having happy holidays again, etc, just anything to give me hope. It was my escape.

 

Junior Year - First semester of my Junior year I stopped taking Remeron and Lamictal because I believed they were the reason I was having trouble with slurring my speech sometimes. Second semester junior year I was starting to really skip class, continued to abuse the Adderall, went on constant walks through neighborhoods to fantasize, and did the worst in school that I've ever done. After I completed Junior year, I went home and just decided I wasn't going to go back school unless I could do it online because that I figured would be easier for me to finish. At this point I continued to heavily abuse Adderall and Marijuana until just about a week ago when I realized how much it was causing me problems. I just turned 22 in August and have yet to enroll in school again to complete my degree but I entend to.

 

For the past 6 months, I've had this extreme fear that I'm developing a type of disorder, particularly schizophrenia. My family doesn't have history of mental illness except for my grandma, who was bipolar. I don't think it effected her until later in her life, and my Mom said it wasn't until her 60's and 70's when she began to think "people were out to get her and where following her" but the doctors apparently said it was dementia.

 

The symptoms I have experienced since my Sister has passed are as follows:

1. Trouble Speaking (Stutter, Slur words, Trouble pronouncing consonants)

2. Trouble thinking clearly

3. Will sometimes blurt out words I'm thinking in brain out loud when I'm alone

4. Social Isolation (but is better off Adderall)

5. Lack of interest in doing anything unless I take Adderall, but still don't feel passionate about the things I used to

6. Feel very blank, numb, inability to feel emotions. I'm not happy but I'm not sad either

7. I'm more hostile and angry and had major decline in school

8. Can't fall asleep but then want to sleep all day

9. Often my mind will go blank and I'll forget what I wanted to say to someone

10. Now I have trouble with eye contact with face to face conversation - I will pay attention at the beginning, but then I get uncomfortable and space out and don't pay attention to what people are saying but I act like I do

11. Been getting a little worse about my hygiene, sometimes I'll skip a day or two of showering or brushing my teeth, and will sometimes reuse clothes and especially underwear

12. Extremely insecure and have crippling anxiety

13. Constant ruminating/racing thoughts

14. Mild Paranoia (I just think I'm an inconvenience to everyone, that everyone hates me and talks about me)

15. Randomly I'll think of an embarrassing thought and will freak out in panic and yell "kill yourself" but this only happens when I'm alone

(I could list a million more, but these are the main ones)

 

Lately, my fear of being in the prodronal stage of Schizophrenia has been ruining my life. I analyze every action I make now because I believe it relates to me developing a mental illness. I just can't decide if this is something I need to go to a psychiatrist about, because I am already in therapy with a psychologist to work through greif. My therapist doesn't think that I should be concerned but she also is not trained in any of psychotic or mood disorders, she's mainly just a greif counselor.  I just can't tell if these symptoms are from depression, severe anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD, ADD, traumatic grief, substance abuse, bi-polar, schizophrenia, or a combination of some of them. What if my substance abuse in combination with the stress of the multiple deaths has triggered the onset of schizophrenia or another mental disorder like bi-polar? Any help, advice, or input would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry this post was so long, and I'm sorry if this was in the wrong section, I just didn't know where I should put it.

Edited by promos404
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Yes, you should see someone and I think printing out your post would be a good start.

For what it's worth I do have schizophrenia and my history and enumerated lists of possible symptoms differ drastically--back then when I was in the pristine phase. For one, I wouldn't have ever thought to wrote a list or that I might have it. But also I had a lot of voices and things.

To be clear: I'm not saying you do or don't have any particular diagnosable condition. So my noting difference in self is more to hopefully ease some anxiety. You certainly sound like you're struggling, whether with this or that only a doctor can say.

Good luck to you

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I just can't tell if these symptoms are from depression, severe anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD, ADD, traumatic grief, substance abuse, bi-polar, schizophrenia, or a combination of some of them.

 

Nor can I, but I find a good rule of thumb is that if you concerns you enough to post on a message board, it's worth telling your doctor.

 

Another good rule of thumb explained with an eg, I went to the GP today with bronchitis, I didn't say "I think I have bronchitis doc" I said "persistent phlegmy cough", I find I get better treatment that way

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Yes, you should see someone and I think printing out your post would be a good start.

 

^THIS.  I totally agree with seeing someone, and talking about all of what you have gone through.  And I'd definitely print out this post so just in case you lose your train of thought while talking you will have something to refer to, and so you wont forget to leave anything out.

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Your symptoms sound pretty complicated to be just one thing, I have had a few of your symptoms and they were worst where I was under stress or had a very poor diet, is your diet okay?

You should consider meditation and exercise although it wont fix all your problems it will help a bit with general mood, but ofc you should also see a psychiatrist possibly another for a 2nd opinion.

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