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Sometimes it's really hard to hear from pdoc. Especially when she says the words "bipolar'', "getting you stabilized" and asking fiancé to let her know if I have any concerning behavior and/or help me when I'm experiencing impulsive behavior. I was diagnosed about 2 weeks ago, and I've been fighting mania quite a bit lately. Yes I know I've been fighting this for a good part of my life, it's just never had a name, but it's still hard to swallow the fact that yes I am bipolar :( it just makes me feel sad. How did you come to terms with it?

Edited by Erinface
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Lots of people feel relieved when they finally get a diagnosis. At least now you have a name for it rather than knowing something is wrong but not having a clue what it is. 

 

Now, for reality according to me.  :) Whatever they call it doesn't really make a difference. You'll most likely need meds. Sometimes more meds and sometimes less. It's just like dealing with any other disorder/disease. You take a few moments to let it sink in and then you think about two weeks ago. Did anything really change between two weeks ago and today other than you now have a name for something you've been dealing with for awhile? Not really--nothing other than having a diagnosis. You put one foot in front of the other and go through your days just like you did two weeks ago, before the diagnosis. Only now, you have a name associated with the symptoms. Now, you can do research and talk to other people that have the same diagnosis. Now, you can find the support you've probably been lacking. 

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I'm not even sure I should post here, I don't have BP or any useful advice but as someone pointed out maybe you can find solace in that at least now you have a name for what you are going through, you can research it, discuss it with other ppl, etc... I wish I had a dx, but psychiatrists just keep on giving me meds without explaining what is wrong with me : (

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I was in denial for a long time about having MI.  For me it took time to come to the realization that it was here to stay and nothing I did would/could make it go away.  Once I finally came to terms with it all (when the medication was right), it was actually a relief to have a name, especially because (as Lemmiwinks said) it had a name and I could read about it and learn more.

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I think education, support and time are the things that helped me come to terms with it. I think the boards here have been extremely helpful for me. 

It was really important for me to do my own research and reading about BP.  I did internet research and read all the books I could get my hands on.  But it did take time.  There are still days that I can't believe I have a chronic illness.  

 

Blogging on CB has also been extremely helpful for me b/c I can talk about what I'm feeling and get feedback.

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it took years for me to come to terms with my BP1 diagnosis

I was/am the same way. Sometimes I get upset about the bipolar dx & having to deal with this forever & having to take meds for the rest of my life. Other times I think the bipolar is similar to having something like diabetes, where you would be on meds & treatments forever as well. I don't know, maybe there's more of a stigma with MI than "physical" diseases.

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Thanks for the responses. Just taking it in. I'm doing a lot better with it today, I think the worse part was just my pdoc with my fiancé talking about it in front of me, and just how I've been doing, etc because it's been a rough couple weeks of mania. I asked fiancé if he really wants to deal with me, and he was very sweet and loving about it. Guess I just need to put my big girl panties on!

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I'm not even sure I should post here, I don't have BP or any useful advice but as someone pointed out maybe you can find solace in that at least now you have a name for what you are going through, you can research it, discuss it with other ppl, etc... I wish I had a dx, but psychiatrists just keep on giving me meds without explaining what is wrong with me : (

I'm sorry :( it sounds like you need to find a new psychiatrist? I had a really bad one before going back to my adolescent psych who luckily for me also treats adults and she is just now cleaning up the mess of what a bad psych I had. Definitely get a new doctor and tell them what's going on, especially since you aren't getting the proper treatment you need and just getting thrown a bunch of pills, that's not right.

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maybe there's more of a stigma with MI than "physical" diseases.

 

I think there is.

 

Yes.  Someone once said to me that someone had a "real" disability because it was physical and visible-which sounded like mine isn't real to me.

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I admit I fell into the "relieved" category. I even told a TA (in college) I was bipolar before my diagnosis, because I had met so many people with BP. Getting the dx made so many parts of my life fall into place.

 

I agree that "invisible" disabilities are treated as if they are fabrications. If I must (which I hardly ever have to do), I point out the brain is an organ, just like heart/liver/pancreas.

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When I got my dx formaly I was very excited. I had suspected it for years when I relized the patterns and traits of the disorder. But I also overidenditfied, reading EVERYTHING under the sun to an extreme point. Yeah not healthy. But when I mellowed out after the sort of mixed hypo/depressed episode during IOP I was able to better mannage myself and got less extreme with the education. But one technicque I use under advicement of my tdoc is biblotherapy, so reading is helpfull to me but realy 4 books of some length in a week? This for me was unhealthy.

 

But for me geting the three words (letters or numbers after are in flux, but it leans towards II) empowered me in time, to advocate for others to tell them that BP is not scarry, we are not contagious, but rather we are creative, loving, kind, pepple who go to class with you, work with you, love you who just want to go about the buisness of being in the world doing good.

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I had a hard time with the realization that it's forever, it won't go away, and most people don't understand so I can't freely talk about it. Sort of like a grieving process. It took a little while to get over it. I'm sure it was hard for you to listen to your pdoc explain to your fiance` the seriousness of it all. Good though, that he was open to going. Welcome to the club!

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I'm not even sure I should post here, I don't have BP or any useful advice but as someone pointed out maybe you can find solace in that at least now you have a name for what you are going through, you can research it, discuss it with other ppl, etc... I wish I had a dx, but psychiatrists just keep on giving me meds without explaining what is wrong with me : (

I'm sorry :( it sounds like you need to find a new psychiatrist? I had a really bad one before going back to my adolescent psych who luckily for me also treats adults and she is just now cleaning up the mess of what a bad psych I had. Definitely get a new doctor and tell them what's going on, especially since you aren't getting the proper treatment you need and just getting thrown a bunch of pills, that's not right.

 

 

 

Thank you for your post Erinface. I did find a new psychiatrist and actually had my first appointment just on Friday. I like it so far. I was so adamant about finally getting a Dx that even though it is admittedly hard to give one after just a bit over one hour of getting to know me the psych was kind enough to provide me with a temporary Dx. I have officially Psychotic Disorder NOS now... not sure how to feel about it, I guess I just feel the same.

 

I was also told though, that this is a temporary Dx, and that, most likely, depending on how my MI develops, I will end up in a schizo something Dx.

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Maybe it's easier because I just have BPII, which is less impacting than BPI maybe?  I have to agree with Pill Party though, when my doc first described BPII to me (I had no idea such a thing existed), it felt - familiar.  We started me on mood stabilizers and I started researching.  The more I read - the more I recognized myself.  /shock - I've responded well to BP meds.

 

Initially, I was a little sad - a bit of "why me" (what a shitty genetic inheritance, amirite?).  But then relief - yes, there's a name for this.  All this time I just thought I was a fuck up who couldn't do anything right for any significant period of time.  Now I know I have a disease and I need medication for it.  I can deal with that.

 

Folks with diabetes 1 have a disease that requires medication for their lifetime.  Same difference.

 

As others have stated, nothing in you has changed from 2 weeks ago.  Except now you have a place to start so you don't feel so miserable.  Embrace this knowledge and use it to help yourself get better.  :wub:

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  • 2 weeks later...

i googled the hell out of bipolar so i kind of knew when i went to the pdoc and it was sort of an understanding that was unspoken between us. she doesn't do labels. i do. but i'm too afraid to ask. so i just tell her what's wrong, she tweaks my meds, and i go about my merry way.

 

seeing a therapist to come to grips with it might be worth looking into. and if nothing else, they can help you with coping skills. relaxation exercises, setting up sleep schedules, helping you to chart your moods.

 

it's a mixed bag of crap- some days i'm in denial (usually when i'm hypo), when i'm depressed i'm like what fresh hell is this about? when i'm "normal" (whatever that is), it doesn't bother me.

 

but the bottom line is, it's treatable, and there are people and tools and medication that can help. but don't forget to be your own advocate for your health. if something doesn't feel right, call your pdoc. that's their job.

 

good luck. it's a roller coaster, but we're all on it with you.

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