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Somehow during the course of the day, I have managed to wind myself up so tightly that I don't know how I'm going to unwind. Trouble is, it's over a situation that hasn't changed at all, but now for some reason I'm more stressed out about it than I ever was. It's to the point where every few minutes I'm getting those adrenaline pangs that--pardon the TMI--are making me feel like I have to take a big dump, and even though I'm absolutely beyond exhausted, sleep is very much evading me. Or, I'm evading it, actually, trying to calm my brain in some way, shape or form.

 

This drives me nuts. I shouldn't be so damn worried about what I'm so damn worried about. It's a job that basically is mine already, but I still have to work out the details with the boss man. We were supposd to convene today, but he was not there the first time I went to see him, and the second time, he was super busy and I couldn't wait for him. I'm supposed to see him tomorrow at 9 a.m. I have this gigantic fear that suddenly he's going to change his mind and not hire me, or that he won't be able to give me hours or the pay rate I want so that we can pass the alleged 'income requirements' needed to live in our apartment complex.

 

Silly thing is that we don't actually have to make two and a half times the rent like one of the apartment managers is purporting. The landlord we've been doing all of our business with says it's not necessary, and is not sweating how long it's taking for me to talk to the boss. But because I'm just hard wired to be full of worry and panic, I'm letting myself bug out over this 'obligation' now so much that this feeling is worse than stage fright. The butterflies in my stomach are happening every thirty seconds it seems like.

 

Two days ago, three days ago, a week ago, even two weeks ago I had the same problem and the same fears. I don't know why now they're suddenly so amplified that I can't even control them. Even this morning when I was ready to talk to the boss and seal the deal I wasn't nearly as afraid. Now I'm a complete and utter wreck. I'm worried that all my worrying, which is causing me to stay awake when I need to be up and at 'em in 6 hours, will affect how tomorrow goes. But sleep right now? I highly doubt it.

 

I really hate this stupid bullshit called anxiety. I just want to be like the rest of the population and know what it's like to spend a day worry-free. I want to know what laying down in the bed and immediately falling asleep feels like. I want to know how not to always look so on edge and jittery that it makes people uncomfortable. I just hate all of this.

 

Needed to vent somewhere. I'm blowing up this site right now because I'm relating to many posts at the moment. Anyone relate to my situation? It's the pits having anxiety, isn't it?

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Anxiety definitely does suck.

 

Have you tried doing some self talk, reframing or thought stopping?  Or write down what the worst case scenario is and what that would lead to.

 

What do you do to relax?  Does it help to watch tv or listen to music?  Try to find something you can do to short circuit that anxiety by engaging in a relaxing activity.

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I feel the same way, and those meds do help me (and none others, because my real problem is anxiety, not depression! But there's no convincing any p-doc of this for some reason), but mental health practitioners are so hesitant to give out benzo Rxs to people like me, thinking we'll abuse them or sell them on the black market. Neither is the case for me; I really need the stuff! But I'm a thirty-something who's had substance abuse issues in the past, and alcoholism, and that's surely a deterrant to my getting any real anxiety meds. Sucks. I do smoke weed pretty regularly, but even that sometimes will give me anxiety if I cross a certain line.

 

I want to find out more about meds like Buspar, supposedly non-benzo and for anxiety primarily. Anti-depressants and anti-psychotics don't do anything because they're not targeting my real problem.

 

@ Phoenix, relaxing for me is never really relaxing. I'm always rearing to go somewhere or do something--my mind is on constant overdrive so my body follows suit. But if I can sit down for a while, I do like to browse online and listen to music. Reading is the most relaxing thing I can do, so I try to read when I can. It actually doesn't overstimulate me to get involved in a good book before bed. But everything else, like watching TV or just coming from the computer it takes me a while to wind down from.

 

What are reframing and thought stopping? You mean there's a way to convince the brain to stop thinking about something? Sign me up!

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Reframing involves taking a thought you are having like, "My life is going to blow up if I don't get this job" and turning it into something more positive like, "It might be disappointing if I don't get that job, but there are always other jobs.  Check out the wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_reframing

 

Thought stopping is when you first recognize that you are having a destructive thought and then either out loud or in your mind saying, "Stop".  It takes some practice, but you just keep saying Stop and redirecting your thoughts to something else.  Here's some more info about it:  http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/livingwithpd/a/thoughtstopping.htm

 

Both of these techniques take practice so don't get down on yourself if you have trouble using them.

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Thanks! Some of this I already did/do without knowing it had specific names, but it's a good practice! I need to learn how to listen to and believe these positive thoughts instead of reverting back to the negative ones even after reassuring myself. So often I'll negatively think or talk something into being (or not being). Or I'll psych myself out of doing something I really want to do because I automatically fear a negative outcome. But lately, especially, I've been trying to convince myself of more positive results and that they can manifest, I am deserving of them. I am seeing a difference, definitely. But some days and times, like last night, it still feels out of my control. I slept absolutely horribly last night and am still pretty wired today. Fortunately, my mood is good so I'm not currently stressing anything, although I'm very anticipatory.

 

On another note, the job thing panned out just fine, and I'm starting very soon! All the things I worried about weren't even an issue. I wish so badly I didn't have to contemplate the 'what ifs' until it drives me crazy. More than half the time, the 'what ifs' never manifest.

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I get wound up and crazy anxious about stuff, too. The same thing happened to me last week but it involved a school exam instead of a job situation. All freaked out that i wasn't going to do well on a test and that i was going to screw up school as a result and then what was I going to do...etc, etc. The test ended up being easy (partly b/c i studied so hard, but also b/c, I later found out, that the teacher doesn't give tough exams). I ALWAYS get all anxious and then, somehow, things are okay. Usually not nearly as bad as i thought they were going to be. I'm definitely going to work on the thought stopping and reframing. Thanks, PhoenixRising.

 

Neon-Congrats on the job thing working out-that's outstanding!

Edited by Jaytea
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On another note, the job thing panned out just fine, and I'm starting very soon!

 

Yeah!  I'm glad to hear that!

 

Thanks, let me tell you what a relief it was. I'm actually pleasantly surprised that the interview went above and beyond my expectations. I've been stressing this job because we just moved back into town from out of state, and of course everything hinged on at least one of us having an income. But I just amazingly walked into this one. Took no effort whatsoever, really. That really doesn't happen this day and age. I feel so lucky. For once my anxiety didn't get in the way during the interview, and instead of looking like a scaredy cat, I showed confidence! I'm so relieved.

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@ Jaytea, thanks! Yeah, nine times out of ten the things I worry about the most seem to end up just fine. But I'll do myself a fine and proper job of sweating them because it's almost like I can't avoid the worrying, even though I know how pointless and detrimental it can be. I even feel at times that if I take a nonchalant approach and tell myself there's nothing to worry about, I'm only deceiving myself and/or setting myself up for failure. I do trust my gut and it's usually right when I'm dealing with what to stress and what not to stress, but I hardly listen to my gut and go ahead and sweat things out anyway. It's almost like I don't feel right if I'm not worried.

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 It's almost like I don't feel right if I'm not worried.

That's totally me. For me, I think some worrying is healthy...like I don't want to be cocky about things. But I tend to OVERworry, which drives me nuts. And makes me worry more. Vicious cycle!

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Same here. When I get on that train it is so hard to stop. I'll even find something to worry about if nothing's really going wrong just so I can keep that edgy feeling. Relaxing is deceiving to me and I never want to feel too comfortable lest something terrible happen while I'm not looking. But I'll sit there and dissect a good situation and find the one bad thing that could go wrong with it, and begin to dwell on it. I don't know why I do this! It makes no sense whatsoever.

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I feel the same way, and those meds do help me (and none others, because my real problem is anxiety, not depression! But there's no convincing any p-doc of this for some reason),

 

The med classifications called antidepressant and antipsychotic are labels. These meds are used effectively for other things including anxiety in those who are neither depressed nor psychotic. Have you actually tried any? Personally, I'd start with Buspar and some of the other non-benzos, but antidepressants and/or antipsychotics are effective antianxiety meds for some. It just might take a few different trials to figure out what works.

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Oh yeah, I've been on, since about the age of 15, Zoloft, Prozac, Seroquel, Celexa, Lexapro, Abilify, Paxil, I can't even remember the last two because they didn't work, either. Trileptal, that's one of them. I've been through a gamut of anti-depressants. I have depression but it's so mild I hardly consider it a problem. It began in my teenage years, but I've always been anxious. The only reason I got a Bi-Polar NOS diagnosis later on was because of my alcoholism (which is over now, I'm almost a year sober). But GAD was my first adult diagnosis and continues to be the real problem.

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The only reason I got a Bi-Polar NOS diagnosis later on was because of my alcoholism (which is over now, I'm almost a year sober). But GAD was my first adult diagnosis and continues to be the real problem.

 Congrats on the sobriety : ) I'm sober, too.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Anxiety sucks rocks, I agree.

 

I'll be honest, when I am so wound up and tense, and feel like my mind is racing with thoughts, a bubble bath with lavender really helps, with some soft classical or easy listening music and candles. It sounds romantic and all, but I keep the door cracked so I don't get claustrophobic, and sit in the bath. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I read, or journal.

 

Maybe a gentle yoga class would help once you get on your feet?

 

Good luck on your new job!

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Maybe a gentle yoga class would help once you get on your feet?

 

I like yoga and it's good exercise. Don't know if I could join a class, but maybe I could convince the hubby to do some with me at night. He likes the warm baths and whatnot, we take them together sometimes, but I don't often just do anything to sit and relax myself. It's so weird that I can't convince myself it's OK to kick back every now and then. I have to find a better way of getting through to my own brain, LOL. I did take a 45-or-so minute shower earlier and it was awesome. I didn't want to get out! But I was quite relaxed through the whole thing.

 

And thanks for the good luck! Still waiting to start. We're giving ourselves the rest of the month off to get settled back in town and whatnot, but the job is guaranteed still. And another job that can very well supplement the first has come on the horizon in the meantime!

Edited by NeonGhost
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I haven't started yet. We're taking some much-needed time off to spend with our kids after the pretty hellish year and a half we had in New York. I'm anxious to get back to work, but it's been nice to take it easy. I just wanted to know the job would be mine when the time was right.

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