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Hey y'all, just found this board.  I was diagnosed bipolar 13 years ago when I was 17.  I was a self injurer, had attempted suicide twice, went to a facility, got put on meds and saw a therapist once.  I was convinced they were wrong..just normal teenager stuff, so I stopped taking my meds and figured I could just handle it on my own (ha!).  For the last 12 years I got married and had baby after baby.  There were always ups and downs, but I just figured it was hormones..I'd wait out a down bc I knew an up was coming.  Looking back I realize how serious it was, in the back of my mind I knew I was bipolar but was in serious denial.  Over the last year or so it's gotten out of hand.  I went to the dr's about 2 months ago, got some meds but things are just getting worse...I feel like I'm going crazy.  I started self injuring again and just feel out of control.  I'm super agitated, constant racing (negative) thoughts, can't sleep, screaming on the inside and calm(ish) on the outside.  I just feel like peeling my skin off, like I can't live in this body (anyone else know what I'm talking about??)  My mom's driving from 3 states away today to take me to the dr's Monday.  She's the only who kinda understands what's going on (she's bipolar as well).  My husband just thinks I can control it, mind over matter shit.  Kinda hard when the thoughts you have aren't your own.  Anyway, I'm hoping to have a place people can relate and save my sanity.

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Hi. I know that place. It sounds like a mixed state - depressed with some symptoms of hypo/mania. I hate it. Meds are the only thing that's helped me calm down from that. It's good that you are going to see a doc. You owe it to your kids to give them a steady, stable mom.

 

Monday is only a couple days away, but if you feel totally out of control, you can go to the hospital ER. They don't always toss people into inpatient. Sometimes they prescribe meds short-term.

 

Are you on any meds? You said that you had seen a pdoc already. Some pdoc's have emergency phone numbers or reception services for the weekends. Try calling. Perhaps the doc you saw can call in something. It's fair to say that what you are taking isn't working, at least not at the doses you are taking.

 

It's great that your mom is coming. When does she get here?

 

 

 

Welcome to CB. You'll find lots of people who relate.

Edited by AnneMarie
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Glad you are getting some help and have a mom that kind of gets it.  It does sound like you are in the midst of a mixed episode. Blah.  Do you have any emergency meds that your Dr. gave you?  Like Seroquel or a benzo or something until you can start finding a mood stabilizer that works for you?

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Thanks for your responses:) My mom will be here in a couple hours..counting down I have klonipin, it helps some. Also have zoloft..my dr said it was probably just a mixture of depression and anxiety.  It's not.  Of course I didn't go into the thoughts of harming myself and all the really deep crazy bc it was so hard just to walk in the front door.  Obviously I need something else, can't live like this.  I was always anti-med, holistic, natural stuff but I've gotten to a point where I will try anything.  I need to get better for my family.

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Welcome to CB and I'm glad you are calling in the reinforcements.  I ask all new members to read the rules, unless you read them when yu signed up.

 

Don't be afraid to contact a mod if there is anything you don't understand.

 

olga

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