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running around in circles

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Hello world


I have stumbled across this board while trying to figure out how to outlive this day, and the day after, and the day after that too. Sorry if I am going against any rule, board rule or linguistic rule, am a total newbie and English is not my first language.


I am writing from a small country in Europe, am 35 years old, married to an awesome man, own 3 dogs, a house and have a job. Well I used to have a job, not so sure about that anymore, since I have been put on an indefinitive medical leave by my psychiatrist after a rather tough break down and because of burnout syndrome.


I have registered here because I am hoping you guys could show me how to deal with your daily worries, anxieties, black thoughts, what your strategies are for coping. I am currently on a new run of medication (seroquel xr 50 mg, xanax for the severe panic attacks, and wellbutrin 150 mg). Have been through lycrica, seroxat, cymbalta, lysanxia, none of which have worked, so here is to hoping that the new treatment will kick in sooner rather than later. I am also seeing a psychiatrist on a weekly basis, but I felt the need to talk to someone other than a medical professional.


Life has just become unbearable, my poor husband is starting to feel as lost as I am when he sees me going nuts, not being able to read while I loved reading so much. Walks with my dogs make me want to run for cover, seeing my family and few friends has the same effect, used to be able to switch thinking gears by playing my xbox, can't focus anymore. Have tried practising my bass guitar but all I want to do is smash the thing against the walls. There is only so much cleaning I can do in the house, so how on earth do you keep yourself busy when you are not working.


Also...I do not want to demonize pot usage, but I have kicked the habit of smoking 14 months ago after 15 years of very heavy substance abuse. I have the impression that never having ever learned to cope with reality is not necessarily helping me get better. I have had intracranial brain surgery too about 16 years ago, not sure if that plays a role, my shrink thinks not


So...any guidance, advice, similar experiences, jokes, kind or not so kind words, would be welcome. I used to be a fun person, allbeit an introvert. Now I am more of a panicky introvert, all that is left is my sense of humor.


Thank you all.

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Hi, dreamr and welcome to Crazyboards.


I think getting rid of pot was a very important step in your recovery---you were probably self-medicating all that time so you could function in the world.  However, meds and therapy are more effective and there's no quality control with pot.


Please be sure that you read the User Agreement so you understand how we operate.  We don't have a lot of rules, so I'm sure you'll be fine.


Is the Psychiatrist doing therapy with you?  If you feel it's ineffective, is there any way to get a different therapist?  I think it's great for all of us to be able to talk to our peers about this stuff, but it doesn't take the place of professional therapy. 


If being unemployed is driving you crazy, is there any way you could do some volunteer work?  I don't know what opportunities exist in your country, but here in the States I sometimes suggest that people help out at a senior citizen center, or a library, or a soup kitchen, or some other place where they could use another pair of hands.  It gives you a reason to get up in the morning and get out the door.


Also, you might question your psychiatrist about taking Wellbutrin.  I don't know if it is always the best choice for someone with severe anxiety.  You might also ask him about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  Some of our members have made real progress using CBT to help deal with their anxiety.


Please contact one of the mods if you have any questions.  Again, welcome to our crazy place!



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So  ...   Chronic anxiety, panic, depression and general inability to find anything interesting,pleasurable or joyful ?


Well the drugs that you are on are worth trying but only if taken in the therapeutic range : 300 mg for Wellbutrin and 200 mg or more for Seroquel.          The Xanax is a benzodiazapan and the less you rely on it the better.  There are much safer anxiolytics that do not have the risk of habituation than Xanax ... Propranolol and Buspirone could be used with your Wellbutrin and Seroquel.                


LIfe does not have to be the constant misery that you are experiencing but you may have to push your pdoc a bit harder.               


The old adage about Medication and Meditation has a lot of truth.   You need to rely on your pdoc to find the best meds but you can begin serious meditation all by yourself.

                                                                          Welcome and good luck

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Thank you all for your kind words, means a lot to me.


My psychiatrist has indeed recommended that we try to get to the root of the problem, he is  just actually waiting for my treatment to kick in at last. I have seen psychotherapists, psychologists, life coaches etc in the past but nothing has ever worked, I tend to be unable to speak about my feelings openly. This psychiatrist is definetely the first one that has actually taken the time to talk, to ask me questions relating to my state of my mind, rather than just prescribe me random drugs (which most of the others have done systematically). We plan to do long term therapy, and have slowly started digging to see what makes me feel the way I feel.


I will talk to him about the Wellbutrin, although it has already helped me in one aspect: I have drastically cut down my cigarette intake, for which my lungs at least are grateful. We are slowly increasing the dosage of Seroquel (which is starting to help....I have had anxiety free and rather optimistic moments since last night, which is a blessing).


Unfortunately, I live in a tiny tiny country that is far behind in many aspects, most specifically in the mental health care. Cognitive behavioural therapy is not an option (no one is offering it so far, but there is hope for the future with the new generations of psychologists). I cannot do volunteer work as I am on medical leave, which is strictly regulated by law (I can only leave the house for short periods of time and there are health care inspectors who ensure that the rules are respected). I will now try to see if I can get behind knitting, as repetitive tasks seem to help me most.


The aim is now to start calming down a bit (I only take xanax when I am close to totally losing it, which is not very often), and then get back to sports (swimming used to be my way of escaping stress and routine but I now freak out at the mere idea of getting into the pool).


Thank you again, I will make sure to come back here often, as this seems to be a great community, and it is somewhat helping to know that I am not the only one with issues.

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Welcome to the forums!  


It's been my experience that being forced onto medical leave for a mental problem is quite depressing.  We don't have nearly the restrictions about doing things here in the states but when I was put on leave for depression and anxiety, people treated me like I was an invalid and that I had something that would never go away. It was that fear of judgement that kept me from pursuing treatment and put me on the path to self medication.


It's good that you are able to get help of some kind.  I hope that talking to people in similar situations is helpful to you.  The people here seem to be a good bunch to talk to. :)

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thanks again :)


It is depressing to be forced to stay home on medical leave, and basically be locked up apart from the occasional outing to get some food or see my pdoc. My work colleagues do not understand why I am absent, and the HR Department has made no comment so far. I cannot go back there either way, as my job is highly demanding, requires a lot of concentration and focus, and a stable mind. So I am trying to find out what else I could do.


Thankfully the national health service in my country is quite good, so at least I will get a percentage of my basic salary for up to  months. I just hope that I will not be put on disability, my pdoc has hinted at that.

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