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Hello there! Allow myself to introduce... myself.

 

I am the 31 year old mother to a 16 month old, light-of-my-life, cute-as-a-button son. I'm currently in the midst of a separation and divorce from my husband. I have a fairly complex story, so let us begin at the beginning, shall we?

 

I can remember being anxious as young as age four. I was formally diagnosed in my early teens with Clinical Depression and have undergone various forms of therapy and medicinal therapy throughout my teenage and adult life, off and on. Let's just say that I'm a mental disorder veteran! I used food as comfort. I then underwent bariatric surgery in 2007. As I lost the weight, my anxieties only increased to the point that it became intolerable. Not only was I having panic attacks, but I was experiencing excrutiating headaches, cluster migraines, neck, back, and shoulder pain. I ended up leaving my country (the U.S.) in the meantime and moving to Canada to be with my then-online boyfriend.

 

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in 2007 and moved to Canada in spring 2008. I underwent treatment for anxiety and eventually my diagnoses grew: agoraphobia, ADHD combined subtype, and social anxiety were added to my list. We married in the spring of 2009 and I became a permanent resident in 2010. I was well-managed at this point. By the time I decided to conceive a child, I was in the best place mentally that I'd ever been.

 

When my son was born in the spring of 2012, I experienced severe Post-Partum-Anxiety in addition to the Baby Blues. I was obsessed with SIDS and developed insomnia. My husband was not much of a help. He retreated further into his computer addiction -- through which he had had an internet affair whilst I was pregnant in months 6-8 - and was playing 8-12 hours daily following working all day. It was then that I began to think about leaving him.

 

I entered into counseling again. Readjusted medications. Joined support groups. Entered into some marital counseling. Things got a bit better as our son grew into a toddler; but they were never the same between us again. He would ease off the computer addiction slightly, then relapse. And he sees nothing wrong with it. It got worse and worse to the point that when I finally read a marriage book just a little over a month ago, I realized that I was finished. He had drained any romantic love left for him that I had had.

 

I moved out to my best friend's house with her family for a few weeks and then found a basement apartment. Things have been immensely difficult, especially because my family is still in the US and I work full-time for his mother (at least until March). In the meantime, an old friend and supporter that I'd met through another anxiety support site years ago admitted his feelings for me. We developed a relationship after the separation (I know this has only been a short time) and he plans to leave his country to move here to be with us. He was an amazing friend and support; and now he's even moreso. We have a very special bond.

 

But I am still in the stages of grief over losing the home I've made here and homesick for my family of origin. Things are chaotic. I haven't worked full-time in several years, and it's been a huge adjustment. My anxiety has relapsed due to the "acute stress" (thanks, doc) and so half the time I feel like I'm drowning and grasping for every rock, every branch, to slow myself down. My soon-to-be-ex husband is amicable, so long as we don't get into the financial details. He doesn't see his son as much as he should so far, then wonders why our baby cries when I leave the room. It's immensely painful and stressful and right now I feel like I have no base of comfort.

 

So that's where I am right now. I alternate between recovery and relapse. I think it will always be a battle to stay afloat; but even for a "healthy" person, this would be a tremendous challenge.

 

It's nice to meet you all and I hope to be able to speak to some of you through the chat support.

 

Best Wishes,

 

"Crimmy"

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Hello and Welcome to Crazyboards, Crimmy!

 

It sounds like you have been through quite an ordeal.  I'm sorry things have been so hard.

 

We ask all our new members to read the User Agreement to ensure we're all on the same page.

 

We have a Parenting Forum that might be of interest to you, as well as chat and blogs.

 

Looking forward to seeing you on the Boards!

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