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For a long time I was constantly trying to live the "normal" life, despite completely abnormal circumstances. I tried going away for college, that didn't last, I got so sick I ended up on 10 different medications and have been hospitalized 3 times in the past 3 years. Most of the hospitalizations happened in the same year. I am quitting as of today a job I have worked in for 6 months. The longest I have ever had a job. It has been emotionally challenging and detrimental to my health. I have tried therapy, PHP, inpatient, and outpatient care and have finally found some hope in lithium. I have been on it for about 1 year now. It has allowed me to be some what functional. But what does functional mean anyway? My doctor recently added Klonopin which has allowed me to actually breathe for once since I am constantly anxious. My point is, I am finally accepting that my life will never be "normal" because of my condition, I was not able to complete an education elsewhere and live the college lifestyle. I probably will never be able to hold down a six figure job. I may never have kids due to the medications I am on. I am trying to accept this. This is the life that I was given, and acceptance can lead to more happiness than constantly trying to do things I simply cannot do. There is hope for us though, that we can all live fulfilling lives despite our circumstances. We just have to find a lifestyle that we can do and that works for us.

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It is very difficult to come to terms with living with BP.  There are comprises to be made and truths to be accepted.  But as you said, it is still very possible to lead a fulfilling life.  

 

You didn't mention whether or not you work with a therapist.  It is something I highly recommend.

 

You also may find yourself at a point that you can have kids if you want.  The meds you're on now may not be the ones you'll be on in the future.

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I did go to college in the 90s, then I worked at a very demanding Job. Had some boyfriends. I had so many plans. Then BAM! I got ill and my life changed forever. I cannot hold a full time Job, I cant relate to people. It is imposible to have a relationship. I still have not accepted my new life. I miss the OLD ME.. However we can still have fullfilling lives. With the spare time Ive learned to appreciate other things like sports, familia, spirituality. Things that i didnt appreciate before

Edited by CookieN
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I feel like as hard as BP and MI in general is, my love and compassion for others who are struggling has greatly increased. I also can now use my story to help others know they are not alone at that although I still struggle every second of every day with a life long condition, It doesn't have to all be bad and negative. I never knew who me was, so I guess there was not much loss with that. But I am creating me with each and every passing day.

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