My worst expectations were surpassed

[vacillate_wildly]

Had a Halloween party last night and I was nervous to begin with, lots of social anxiety about it. It was awful in a way I had not even anticipated. My fiance got black out drunk, I've never seen him like that ever in almost 10 years. I was really worried about him and he was affectionate with everyone but me and he went and slept in our bedroom but then my brother showed up with a bunch of noisy family and my fiance woke up and he was angry and they left after I had to kind of kick them out and he said once they left that he hates my family and called them bad names. And I was really pissed about their behavior too. It was my worst nightmare in a way I hadn't even anticipated and I'm thinking about how my fiance has always said that he thinks that when someone is drunk that their true self comes out so that means his true self does not love me at all since he ignored me all night and he was getting cuddly with other people and I can't handle any of this. He's still asleep right now I'm outside posting this on my phone and we have 2 friends sleeping in our living room, their nice though. I just...I can't even process any of this right now. I was really upset last night and now I'm kinda numb to it all.

[koa]

I'm not sure that it is true that one's true self comes out when one is drunk... It sounds like your fiance had some nasty behavior...  

 

You guys will need to talk about some of the stuff he said, such as hating your family, once everybody is sober and the party has cleared out.

[bpladybug]

I also don't believe that our 'true selves' come out when we are drunk.

 

You wrote that you have never seen your fiancé act like this in ten years?  I would try and keep this in perspective.

Give yourself some space until he is not hungover and you are less angry.  Then explain to him about his behavior

and how it hurt you.

[vacillate_wildly]

Thanks guys, he really has never been like this, and he's not usually a nasty person at all. We made up but didn't talk about what he said really. I don't really think your "true self" comes out, I suppose all I could think of was how he's said that, so that must've been his "true self". I mean, alcohol does lower your inhibitions, so some of your truths come out that might not otherwise, perhaps. I'm better about most of this now.

[Chimako]

IME, it's just the "Mean One" comes to the front and says things to hurt people just to hurt people.  

[vacillate_wildly]

Yeah he was a little mean towards the end, and he normally isn't.