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Rapid Cycling Bipolar, Alcoholic, Addict, and now Brain Damaged to boot !


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So I really haven't dealt with this much as I am in Denial as much as possible.

 

First I clean up. I get sober. Today is exactly 18 months for me !

 

Anyways, after getting sober I start dealing with the BP issues. 

 

About  2 weeks ago, my psych told me a couple new things

 

1) He didn't think I should be on disability nor did I have paperwork to back it up (yet disability approval came thru 11 days ago)

2) I have done permanent brain damage and should just get use to the psychotic bouts and mood swings

 

Number one. This is a new doctor that has seen me for 15 minutes. Immediately within seeing me for 15 minutes due to my past drug and alcohol issues he wants to remove the Klonopin I have been on for 3 months ago (helps a lot) simply because I had past drug problems. No other reasons. No we'll sign a contract and if you abuse them. Just go off them. Cold turkey. That's unethical in my opinion - again, only psych I can see for now. With medical kicking in soon I should have more options opening up though, thank God !

 

Number two after discussing that and me basically just saying let's agree to disagree in a respectful way .. He immediately states my psychotic bouts are due to brain damage from drugs and alcohol. To be quite honest - I know I have done serious damage to my brain using drugs and alcohol. However this doctor seemed to want to use it as an excuse for treatment not fully working, while increasing Lamictal to 300 mg and going back on Saphris again. Yet, it is brain damage causing these problems.

 

The kicker is. On top of all this. With what he says is serious brain damage I am still supposed to be fucking creative and work. Yes, there's that lovely shit I hate hearing ... You are so creative. Great, I get to be creative some times - but I can't control the thoughts or make them congruent. Either that or I'm in a mixed state and am to depressed to do anything even though my imagination is in full gear. Creativity is 5% of my life nowadays, that does not make a steady stable employee. 

 

How the hell am I supposed to work when I am a recovering addict with brain damage that has BP and psychotic bouts. Anyone care to share what the doctor may be thinking from his point of view. He is foreign so things can be misunderstood, but this was pretty damn blatant. He talked about Klonopin and Brain Damage for the entire part of the session he wasn't reading my charts. When I got into how anti psychotics helped mildly but didn't remove all symptoms - it wasn't "You haven't found the right medicine combo yet" it was .. "You have brain damage and this is something you will have to deal with the rest of your life"

 

As true as that may be, his bedside manner is SHIT !

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What a terrible doctor experience, sorry you had to go through that! He sounds difficult and somewhat misinformed. Luckily you know better than him in many ways: tapering benzos is much healthier than quitting cold turkey, and it takes awhile to find the right med combination. Good luck, and here's hoping you get a better doctor soon.

 

Also, congrats on 18 months sober!!! That's huge, and definitely the best thing you can do for your brain.

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18 months! Wow! Way to go!

 

Get a second opinion, in my opinion, guy sounds like an ass. Brain damage would come up in a scan, not just a random assessment. It would have to be detected by a neurologist, I believe. They would do a typical neurological exam (no painful, invasive tests, just walking different ways, shining lights in your eyes, sometimes skipping around, stuff like that), a CAT scan, maybe an MRI if they felt it required after the CAT. Maybe measure your head. Neurologists are very interesting doctors.

 

I've never been told I have brain damage and I did drugs and I've drank (and in the past, it was a lot). I had a CT scan, to rule out physical causes to bipolar once, "unremarkable" (hrm, my brain is boring!)

 

But yes, see someone else if you can. If your GP will refill meds, get him/her to. Just say that doc doesn't work out and is jumping to conclusions and you felt uncomfortable. Bad bedside manner is never good, especially with a psychiatric patient! I mean, they talk to you! They need to be pleasant, and listen, at least. In the end, its up to to stay or find someone else. I would run.

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