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It is overbearing, overpowering, overwhelming. The depressive episodes (which I am in right now) make me literally feel like I am drowning. I cant breathe. I cant speak. Like I am in the middle of the ocean and no one knows I am there.

I guess I am just waiting for someone to come save me with a life boat. Seems like a hopeless situation.

 

Who saves you when you are in a bad depressed state?

 

 

Please keep me in your thoughts.

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Doctors. Then myself. Do you have a pdoc ( I assume you do from the meds in your signature) I think you need to call them and be honest. What helps me is getting help as soon as possible, I'm done trying to weather the storm to the point of nearly drowning. I always leave it too late. Call your doctors, let your support people know and just keep doing the best you can. If you feel like your life is in danger please go to the ER, call an ambulance or get someone to take you there, your life is worth so much more. I'll be thinking of you.

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My family doctor once caught me outside the hospital and recalled my crisis management plan. He coaxed me into the hospital that morning. When he discovers I'm depressed he insists on seeing me weekly or twice monthly depending on how I'm coping. Because I have a tendency to avoid him when I'm in a mood episode, he has me see him every three months for a followup - I get a call every three months, and if I don't book an appointment he will know something is wrong whether I come in or not. If I come in and I'm not doing well, he will make me pre-book my appointments so that if I don't show up to that appointment he'll know I'm in danger.

 

A friend who used to live in my building once snatched me up from outside our building and walked me down to psych emerg. She was prepared to drag me by the hair.

 

My mum, when she can see I'm doing poorly, will make sure every night that my flip flops are in a location where I will easily see them so that I don't have any reason to avoid following through on my safety plan.

 

My handyman slash friend recently convinced me to go on a therapeutic outing with him where I bought the most depressing picture; he checked in with me every day until my mother returned home from her business trip. He offered to sleep on my couch. He said if I needed to go to the hospital he would take me there.

 

 

I have to take some steps myself in order to BE saved however. I need to put myself somewhere that I can be found, I need to let myself be seen in that state so that people know something is wrong, not lie and avoid people. When they ask if I'm suicidal, I need to be honest about having thoughts and plans and if I'm down at the hospital I need to be honest about my inability to return home because I have things to kill myself with there. And, as you can see, I've been honest with my family doctor about intentionally avoiding him when I'm in a mood episode, thereby removing my ability to avoid him so easily in the future. I also have a safe phrase. If I say "I'm not okay", it means that I am feeling like I am mighty close to harming myself if not watched extremely closely; we chose this phrase because it doesn't require that I outright say "I want to kill myself", which has been proven in my case to be impossible to say. Anyone close to me who hears those three little words knows that I'm in imminent danger.

 

Are there any steps you can take to enable somebody to save you?

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Doctors. Then myself. Do you have a pdoc ( I assume you do from the meds in your signature) I think you need to call them and be honest. What helps me is getting help as soon as possible, I'm done trying to weather the storm to the point of nearly drowning. I always leave it too late. Call your doctors, let your support people know and just keep doing the best you can. If you feel like your life is in danger please go to the ER, call an ambulance or get someone to take you there, your life is worth so much more. I'll be thinking of you.

I posted another topic about switching doctors. For a year now my gdoc has taken over my psychiatric care because of lack of trust in pdocs. But my new therapist referred me to a pdoc she thinks is good. Ive been seeing pdocs for years prior where I got my diagnosis...but after my last IP stay I went to my gdoc and shes been taking care of me until I am comfortable going back to a pdoc, which wont be till the end of the month. So right now...no doctor (besides gdoc but I don't feel like running to her, im sure shes tired of me since she is no pdoc)  is available to be there for me.

 

With everyone...it seems to be on their schedule. So I guess I will be in this ocean for a while.

Edited by Butterflykisses
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My family doctor once caught me outside the hospital and recalled my crisis management plan. He coaxed me into the hospital that morning. When he discovers I'm depressed he insists on seeing me weekly or twice monthly depending on how I'm coping. Because I have a tendency to avoid him when I'm in a mood episode, he has me see him every three months for a followup - I get a call every three months, and if I don't book an appointment he will know something is wrong whether I come in or not. If I come in and I'm not doing well, he will make me pre-book my appointments so that if I don't show up to that appointment he'll know I'm in danger.

 

A friend who used to live in my building once snatched me up from outside our building and walked me down to psych emerg. She was prepared to drag me by the hair.

 

My mum, when she can see I'm doing poorly, will make sure every night that my flip flops are in a location where I will easily see them so that I don't have any reason to avoid following through on my safety plan.

 

My handyman slash friend recently convinced me to go on a therapeutic outing with him where I bought the most depressing picture; he checked in with me every day until my mother returned home from her business trip. He offered to sleep on my couch. He said if I needed to go to the hospital he would take me there.

 

 

I have to take some steps myself in order to BE saved however. I need to put myself somewhere that I can be found, I need to let myself be seen in that state so that people know something is wrong, not lie and avoid people. When they ask if I'm suicidal, I need to be honest about having thoughts and plans and if I'm down at the hospital I need to be honest about my inability to return home because I have things to kill myself with there. And, as you can see, I've been honest with my family doctor about intentionally avoiding him when I'm in a mood episode, thereby removing my ability to avoid him so easily in the future. I also have a safe phrase. If I say "I'm not okay", it means that I am feeling like I am mighty close to harming myself if not watched extremely closely; we chose this phrase because it doesn't require that I outright say "I want to kill myself", which has been proven in my case to be impossible to say. Anyone close to me who hears those three little words knows that I'm in imminent danger.

 

Are there any steps you can take to enable somebody to save you?

Its good you seem to have people who genuinely care. I feel like most people could take me or leave me. I wish I knew how to enable somebody to love me.

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Who saves you when you are in a bad depressed state?

 

My pdoc.  Every time.  The only time he isn't available is for 2 or 3 weeks of the year (other vacations I can still page him), I know about ahead of time and plan for them.  If I do get in a really bad state of mind while he's away, I know there is the hospital (which I never want to go back to, so that in itself keeps my head above water until he gets back), which I try to stay out of.  Then when he gets back I'll page him.

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I can really relate to wanting to be saved. Right now I'm feeling that a Lot. I don't think that fantasy is realistic. No one has ever been able to break through the wall that separates me from the rest of the world. Meds have been the only thing to pull me out of a depression. I guess they save me.

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