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Can you ever feel safe again?

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Okay, so I know that the fall time change can really screw with some of us--I am one.  But not like this before, so there must be something on top of that, who knows?  


Probably, many of you were like me, and it was a long time before you got the correct Dx.  Also, I am sure that many of you were probably given the wrong meds (as in my case, 7 different SSRI's + Buspar within a six month period, no mood-stabilizer, since two doctors said that I "just" had panic disorder and that finding the right SSRI would do the trick).


Well, that 7 month period kicked up some pretty bad PTSD into the mix.  I lost 45 pounds (wish I could now, but the healthy way), etc....  


During that whole time, my body was like a car in high gear.  My PDOC who saved me said that I was in a mixed state but with super severe panic attacks and PTSD flashbacks for all that time.  


What I learned during that 7 month period, is that if I am bad enough, there is no place, person, spiritual practice that can make me feel safe.  I have always known that bad (to that state) again, I couldn't make it out and I wouldn't put myself through an ordeal that long no matter.


My PDOC, TDOC, husband, and few friends who I divulge my illness to say that there isn't a way I can go all the way back to where I was again (there was a perfect storm of outside events going on at all of this medication mess time, too).


Trouble is, that when I get this bad (and this is the worst in a long time), I can be in any effective coping technique, and that part of me who knows  it is possible that nothing can help in calming and that it is totally possible to just wake up one morning "broken" (how the long ordeal started) gets big and loud.  


I guess the trouble is that there are some things that once you know, you can't "unknow".  My question to anyone reading this is if you ever can feel safe again?  How did you do it?


I know this is long and rambling, but this group is the people who really understand, no matter how well-intended friends, therapists, and even PDOCs are (unless they go through this hell).


Thank you for any insight.

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I think as more time passes, you will feel safer. You may never experience an episode like that again, one day it could be a distant memory. I do have a fear of becoming really unwell again. I know what you mean by not having anyway to feel safe at those times. It's extremely lonely when you are that sick, nothing can reach you. I guess we just have to live with the fear and do our best to stay well.

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I think I needed some time under my belt to be able to say I feel safe enough right now that I'm not going over the deep end. I felt unsure about it for the longest time but having almost a year stable mostly, I can relax. But I am still watching myself carefully because it can get out of control in no time flat. I guess it will always be that way with my rapid cycling.

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Like the others said, time is a big factor.  Learning more about my illness is another.  It helps when I can see it as a set of symptoms caused by a chemical imbalance.  Do you have a therapist?  That is another important component to feeling safe again.  Talking with a therapist helps you gain insight into your illness.


Having said these things, my heart always beats a little faster when I think I'm becoming ill again which I think is a totally natural response.  No one wants to feel that way.  But learning more about your illness and having a professional to talk things through with goes a long way to helping me feel better.

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I dont feel safe. I am in constant worry. Worry about symptoms, worry about not being financially independent, worry that I am being followed (paranoia)

What I do to control that feeling of being unsafe is focusing on the present, on the now. Not thinking about the future. Another thing that has helped me is trying to regain my faith in God. This way I feel protected and safe. Every time I have a symptom, I just tell myself it will pass. I tell myself that if I had the strength to overcome a certain symptom last time, I will overcome it this time. We are stronger than we think we are.

It just occured to me we can use affirmations and positive thinking. Like repeating to yourself "i am safe and i am protected".

Edited by CookieN
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Time, the right tdoc, a good support system, and avoiding triggers are a good start.

I hope you start to feel safe soon. It's so scary. I offer you gentle comforts.


ETA: Have you tried self soothing techniques? Some of mine are a bath with scented candles. One of them turns into hand lotion when its out and cooled down! I only have candles lit if my BF is home though. A lot of people like tea, the smell and tastes are soothing (try without caffeine). 


What about your husband? My BF will snugglehold me if I need it - I feel secure. 


I find a blanket, or a shawl, wrapped around me helps. Stuffed animals, too.

Edited by thesystemisdown
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