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On the train


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I've lost 65 lbs.  I was at 305 for several years, but I'm now at 240.  And I was feeling pretty good about myself.  I've dropped 10" in pant sizes, and went from XXXL to XL in shirts.  

 

Anyway, I was on the train with my wife and daughter and a fight was breaking out between some assholes.  I hit the button calling the conductor and one of the groups turned on me.  Started staring us menacingly when one of the security guys came.  Scared my daughter enough she was crying.  I was pissed. 

 

As they left the train they started mocking me and yelling out how fat I was.  Told me I should just have a heart attack and die.  It was so stupid, but I was so humiliated.  Especially in front of my daughter.  

 

It broke me.  I have just fallen back into all my old habits.  Binge eating, SI, the whole bit.  I'm trying to stop the roll, but I haven't felt this bad about myself in a while.

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Oh, wow, how obnoxious of them!

Don't punish yourself because of some other major asshole. Don't ever feel like you have to hurt yourself because someone hurt you.

 

You lost a LOT of weight, that is a lot of work. You should feel great about yourself I bet your daughters proud of her dad. And I bet she's glad to have someone around to handle a scary situation like that when it arises. She'll know what to do if she's alone on a train and people get violent or frightening.

 

Security came and did their job. Good. They should have been paying more attention so it didn't start in the first place. They did the right thing, you protected your daughter and other passengers.

 

Now, those assholes were already riled up, and they needed a target. Making a "fat joke" is about as low as you can go, unoriginal, and lame as you can get. Let it go in one ear, out the other. Understand they were already pissed off and they got told off by security for being dipshits on the train, they were immature and couldn't handle it, so they took it out on you in a way that hits below the belt. 

 

So try to be nice to yourself. Do something nice for yourself, you had a really unpleasant train ride. Have you talked to your daughter about ignorant people like that? About your health? The heart attack comment might have scared her, too. 

 

Don't take it personally. They're jackasses that can't handle themselves in public. 

 

Keep up the good work and again, way to go on the loss. Keep up the healthy lifestyle.

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I'm sorry those assholes said that. People are the most vile creatures on the planet at times. Being someone who was once 338lbs and is now in the255lb area, I know that I still get hurt by fat jokes or comments made towards me, but I just remind myself that these pieces of shit have no idea what I have already done, and that it is probably more than they have ever done for themselves. Fuck them. You'll be ok. You know why? Because you're worth it.

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I'm sorry you and your family had to go through that experience. I bet those jerks on the train have never worked as hard at anything as you did to lose those 65 lbs. While I can understand how hurtful their words were (I've more than once experienced being trapped on a bus or train with people talking shit about me) I hope you don't take over hurting yourself on their behalf. It's great that you posted here, but do you also have a therapist with whom you can talk this over? Sounds like it was a pretty traumatic event.

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Don't use them as another excuse for why you can't make it. I am telling you that you can overcome this! 

 

You just need to realize they would have attacked you on ANYTHING they could possibly come up with. The point is to get back at you it was a sadistic defense intended to hurt you emotionally. It doesn't change how you feel, but if you try to rationalize it, it becomes more easier to digest the event.

 

Do not let them win, or bring you down past this. Everyone has problems, people are just better at hiding certain insecurities. Keep going with your weight loss, and attempt to stabilize yourself again. I personally struggled with bulimia, in high school so I completely understand what binging does to a person mentally...you need to get yourself out of this toxic habit before it has time to become a part of you again.

 

You are punishing yourself for standing up for yourself; nothing is wrong with what you did, and you handled it with grace. Don't internalize pain you experience and hurt yourself. 

 

The best way to take down those who hurt you is to be happy, and be as healthy as you can be. The intention of those people was to hurt you emotionally, they wanted to see you upset, it was a goal they had imagined and preconceived in the second they pinpointed you. They would have attacked you on anything they could have come up with, from your sexual orientation, race, creed, religion, or anything else at their disposal at the time.

 

The best revenge and recourse is happiness, you have a family, and you have been taking steps in the right direction to change around the way you have been eating, do not let them destroy all the progress, you have made.

 

Watching a motivational movie or maybe talking to therapist may help you rationalize your traumatic experience. I realize resiliency is difficult when you are sensitive to others, but sadistic people will exist, and nothing is going to change that. Learning how to deal with it is the only rational thing that you can do to deal with situations.

 

When you realize you are going down the wrong road, take a U-turn.

 

You know what this is? This is a Fuck You to me and everyone in this class. I don't want excuses. I know what you're up against. We're all of us up against something. So you better make up your mind, because until you have the balls to look me straight in the eye and tell me this is all you deserve, I am not letting you fail. Even if that means coming to your house every night until you finish the work. I see who you are. Do you understand me? I can see you. And you are not failing.  -Freedom Writers

 

 

I have never gone to Overeaters Anonymous meetings, but they are relatively popular and they hold meetings all over the world. It might be what you need to start 'damage control'. They focus on binge eating, but don't be fooled you'll find anyone with food related issues including anorexia or bulimia additionally may attend.

 

Reach out and get the help you need if you can't do this alone. Asking for help is the wisest thing you can do in certain situations. 

 

Good luck and feel better! :)

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Thank you everyone.  I've managed to stop myself.  I had a couple of bad days but felt worse.  I am going to pull through.  I want to lose another 65.  I'm terrified, but I can do this.

 

People here are so very nice.  It makes me want to cry knowing people who're going through the same things.  I can't relate to most of my friends because they don't understand PTSD and SI and all of that crap.

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