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While you are waiting to be seen by a pdoc, can you get in with a therapist?  A therapist could provide you with some coping skills to help ease that empty feeling (which I know all to well).  


Are you on any meds right now?  It sounds like they need to be tweaked or changed.


I can understand how the idea of running away and starting over would be very appealing.  Unfortunately, your problems are simply going to follow  you wherever you go.  You've heard the phrase, "Wherever I go, there I am"?


When you do find a pdoc be sure to tell him/her about the suicidal thoughts.  That is something that needs to be dealt with immediately.

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I'm trying to wait it out until I get to see the pdoc but if it gets too bad, I'll have to go to the ER I suppose. But I know when I am that bad off and in immediate danger and I'm not right now.


I was started on Buspar by my gdoc but the side effects were too much for me so they were stopped for now.


Thanks for your reply!

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Surreal, when you edit the content of your posts the following responses are often let hanging in space. It makes it difficult to follow a topic and comment meaningfully.


We all tend to make posts that might be less than flattering to ourselves or that are nonsensical, but editing them to nothing is disruptive...


I am truly sorry you are suffering so, but, as has been mentioned, calling the local crisis unit could very well be more productive and cost effective that making an ER visit...


Side effects are seldom a joy, yet once a therapeutic blood level is reached they become tolerable. You seem to be self-sabotaging at every bell. How many meds have you started and stopped in the last year?

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I'm sorry. Lately, I have had this issue that my posts are just plain stupid and pointless and I don't like them to be sitting there for people to laugh at or judge. Maybe I am being paranoid.


If I'm really in danger, cost isn't going to be on my mind at all. I have insurance now so an ER visit isn't expensive for me and the co-pay is waived if I am admitted to the ER. 


EDIT; I'm going to start taking the Buspirone again as of today. That way when the nurse does find me a new pdoc, it will at least seem like I am trying to be compliant.

Edited by surreal
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I understand the urge to cover up or hide words out of shame and paranoia. Being out there for other people to see is hard. Hard to trust, hard to believe in the importance of what we feel, in order to be able to talk about it.

Whatever is happening, it sounds difficult. Taking medication and complying are good choices. That's a trust matter for me too, though I don't know if it's the same for you. It's hard to not second guess and doubt.

I have a psych doctor now. I'm trying to learn to trust her, or at least listen to what she says and try her suggestions. I hope you get a doctor soon, too, and can get some traction.

Edited to fix continuity.

Edited by Czernobog
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