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Tried to stop, but couldn't handle it.


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My main abuse was etizolam. But I have it at 1mg every 6hours at the moment, I had to reinstate after 6 days of WD hell, not worth it. I need this drug in my life, my life is better on this drug. I have 100 valium pills now which I'll be switching over to from the etizolam for half life reasons.

 

Going to the doctors in 9days to speak about meds, I suspect they will want me on SSRIs but due to my major anxiety etc, I'm going to push for a legit benzo script. I admit defeat, I need these drugs to live. Hi all, first post!

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I take it that you're getting etizolam from an "alternative" source. Is that where you got the Valium as well? I wouldn't trust any meds from an "alternative" source. You have no clue what is really in those pills.

 

I hope that your appointments work out well. You need to be sure that you're honest with the docs. They can't really help you to the best of their ability if you don't tell them exactly what is going on. Also, if you are given legitimate meds, you need to be sure not to take the other pills. There can be interactions, some of which really aren't something you want to have to deal with.

 

Oh, and welcome! 

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I think it might be really helpful to be fully honest with your doc about the benzo use.

 

If your life is better on this drug, perhaps it is legitimately treating anxiety and you happen to have found an effective medication yourself. 

 

I encourage you to be forthcoming and see what happens.

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I abused benzos too but I don't need them to live, maybe you do, maybe you don't. It was really hard to quit, and I still have moments of struggle, but it's worth it to stop. I've had some INSANE anxiety, it landed me in the ER once this summer, but upping one of my other meds was helpful to easing some of that anxiety paired with enforcing my mindfulness stuff. The w/d is difficult, it didn't last long for me, but it was intense. benzobuddies.com is a good site.

 

Your doc may not give you a legit benzo script since you've been taking them without an rx.

 

Good luck, I hope you're honest with your doc.

Edited by forgetmenot220
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I take it that you're getting etizolam from an "alternative" source. Is that where you got the Valium as well? I wouldn't trust any meds from an "alternative" source. You have no clue what is really in those pills.

 

I hope that your appointments work out well. You need to be sure that you're honest with the docs. They can't really help you to the best of their ability if you don't tell them exactly what is going on. Also, if you are given legitimate meds, you need to be sure not to take the other pills. There can be interactions, some of which really aren't something you want to have to deal with.

 

Oh, and welcome! 

 

I got my etizolam via a legit RC site with great lab standards, from all the sheets of info it seems anyway.

 

In terms of valium, I got them from an alt source yes, but they're all in legit roche blister packs.

 

Thanks everyone for the replies and welcomes, I agree and I will be honest with my doctor about my current benzo use when I visit them, I have had a few nights where i've just taken too much but generally I'm good with just taking it was need on a redose schedule for my medical needs.

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Agreed. Spoke to dr yesterday, explained my current usage of 20mg per day, told her i still have a weeks worth of stock, going back next week to get a legit prescription, BUT i'm tapering 10% every 3weeks or so, as per dr's advice. So slowly get myself off them. Thanks all!

 

Also, why is it family that end up being the biggest banes in your life? lol

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Ya when my roommate went in with me to see my doc. He said I had been going buying xanax cause no one would help with my anxiety which was causing my high blood pressure. He said, Does it help him? The pdoc meaning the xanax and I sand Kevin said yes but I wanted klonopin because it's alot more mellow and kills the anxiety and last longer. Being forthcoming with your doctor is always the right choice.

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Well went to the doctors today under the pretence i was going to get a legit script and start to taper... but nope.
 
 
This convo with my friend explains it:
 
[09:50:14] Me: yeh just got back from the drs and im really shocked and upset at the moment, ugh.
[10:08:54] Friend: What happened?
[10:11:49] Me: well last week i went to the drs, my dr asked how much valium i had left, i estimated about a weeks worth, an honest estimation, so she said come back next week (that being today) to start a taper plan to get me off benzos, i go in today and she goes "I spoke to the seniors and ive been told not to prescribe you diazepam" - I told her, i have about 2days worth of pills left. She said i need to taper through a detox clinic or some shit, but they've not contacted me... so i said "What do i do now then?" and her answer was basically, if you start feeling benzo WD, go to A&E (ER) and say i've ran out of diazepam, my GP wont script me any and I'm in WD. Well, fucking welp...
[10:12:42] Friend: *hugs you very very tight*
[10:12:49] Friend: In sorry Me
[10:13:06] Me: BUT, thankfully, i have about 3weeks worth of valium left, because my estimation last week was well off, but she didn't know that. So now I just feel failed by them, I went to them for help and i am the one that asked to taper, so it bewilders me that they don't want to help.
[10:14:38] Friend: There are so many deaths from benzo abuse that docs have to be careful. If they keep giving it to someone who's abusing them and that person dies, the family cam sue the doc. At least here in the us they can
[10:16:01] Me: The thing is, when i went in... I was the one that specifically said i wanted off benzos and i was the one that asked for a taper plan, which was agreed between me and my dr... but seems the "seniors" aka owners have told her to reverse the decision she made.
[10:16:19] Friend: Yea
[10:16:31] Me: So with me being the one asking for a taper, that doesnt sound like someone who just wants to get a free script to abuse, does it? :(
[10:17:18] Friend: No but I'm sure the seniors just heard"this guy wants more but is taking too much"
[10:18:11] Me: my dr said she will ring me tomorrow at 10:50am to discuss this more, idk whats gonna go down. She said i can only taper through the "detox" place... im not even sure what that entails.
[10:18:32] Friend: Just inpatient I'm sure
[10:18:34] Friend: Ten days
[10:19:23] Me: i aint tapering off benzos within 10days, this shit will takes months. Brain heals as it goes, you lower the dose slowly.
[10:20:34] Friend: Yea but usually they start you off with a short inpatient to get you over the medically dangerous part
[10:21:09] Friend: Then on to maybe partial outpatient
[10:21:15] Me: wonder if there is a way i can get my hands on 2mg valium pills, that way i can taper myself. Since my roche pills are 10mg with a break line, so can get 5mg split.
[10:22:15] Friend: Can you crush them and make a volumetric solution?
[10:24:23] Me: no idea what that is, i suppose i could split the 10mg pills, 5mg pieces and just try my best to split a 5mg "half a pill" into another half for 2.5mg? not accurate but might be the best way to self-taper
Edited by ufredico
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I'm trying hard to understand here.  At the top of your last post you say (emphasis mine):

 

Well went to the doctors today under the pretence i was going to get a legit script and start to taper... but nope.

 

 

Then you end the transcript of your conversation with your friend by talking about self-tapering.

 

What do you really want?  When you initially spoke to the GP were you being honest about tapering (my concern is the words "under the pretence"), or were you just trying to fib your way into a legit diazepam script?  Do you want to get off the benzos, or do you want a med professional to hear you when you say your life is better on them?

 

I'm very much getting the impression that you've backed your way into a corner, and it's going to be very difficult to extract yourself from this.  I think it would be worth finding out exactly what the "detox place" is all about when your doctor calls you again tomorrow. 

Edited by miab
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Basically my dr last week agreed with me to prescribe me valium and to start a taper plan to get off benzos. I went in today and she said that her "seniors" told her not to prescribe me any valium.

 

Because I was so confused about me being referred to a "detox" clinic, I went up there today and spent 2hours in a room full of heroin/crack/meth addicts, lovely... once a member of staff seen me for my "assessment" they were as confused as I was, The detox clinic is for heroin/meth/crack users... apparently the reason i was referred to this detox clinic is because I told my doctor I vaped cannabis once every fortnight. Waste of time, so tomorrow when my doctor rings me. I'll ask what the fuck is going on, and am I able to get a taper plan sorted?

 

Going back to this morning when she said I wasn't getting the script, I asked "well what do when i run out" - she basically said... go to A&E (ER). Welp, thanks? My doctors "seniors" would rather have me go to A&E (ER) once I've gone into WD, rather than help taper me off them.

 

I feel failed, don't know what to do. The phone call tomorrow will hopefully help clear shit up, but if a taper plan is still a no go. I'll probably just end up giving up on life, depressed and have no motivation for anything as it is. Maybe going into WD and dying wouldn't be so bad, least I wouldn't be in pain anymore, Especially emotional pain.

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