Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Looking for some encouragement


Recommended Posts

I've been dealing with a kinda low level, meeehhh, kinda depression for the last few months. It has moments of significant lows, but I'm mostly stricken with horrific blahs. It's taking a toll on my work, which I can't make myself do, and my mixed mood episodes have increased. I finally talked to my psych dr, and he prescribed Abilify. I haven't been on the medication merry go round in quite a  few years, and have thus lost my fortitude and fearlessness of adding new meds....I'm terrified of it making things worse as anything activating can go really wrong for me. And all i need is some out of control mania, and then 10 more meds and 10 more months to get it under control. You guys know the story....

Any happy thoughts words, or realism, or even some upbeat negativity from people that truly understand is appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Major depressive disorder guy here.  I'm of the opinion that recovery, if there is such a thing, from various forms of depression and anxiety takes some management and patience.  Things won't get better overnight but perhaps we can manage to be happy in the moments that we are given.  Once you master that, you can think of living your life "one day at a time".  Going from there into the future is what kind of gets me down, so I am working on smaller, more immediate goals like staying on my meds, working out, managing my finances, and pursuing some creative projects.  Taking it one step at a time is how I cope and avoid the worst of my depression symptoms.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The blahs are horrible. You're functional, but you aren't living. And there is distance between your having to play well with others, and curling up into a ball to cry for days ("I miss the comfort in being sad"). There is drama to it, even if it isn't pleasant. Now you are in the land without drama.

 

Unfortunately, it is one step at a time, and some of the steps are harder to scale than others. And you will be back-sliding at times, and it will be hard to see that as progress, but it is. It sucks. I wish it didn't, but it does.

 

The hardest part (which you obviously already know) is hanging on while trying this med and that. Abilify made me manic, which is not common but not unheard of either, it just wasn't for me.  What *has* worked for me is a 3 med combo: Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Lithium, although that may change soon (boo kidneys). It took me years and years to find that balance. But I did.

 

And if it takes you 10 meds to feel better, frankly, who gives a fuck? No one is keeping count but you.

 

Abilify is a boost up to that first step of the ladder. Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ah the merry-go-round... I've done it for 8 years and it's been hell.

 

I understand your pain; most of the time I've been way more than blah, myself. I've always thought I just had depression but it was recently suggested I me be more on the bipolar scale and/or AAP's could help since no AD's ever have.

 

I hope this isn't TOO much encouragement, but Abilify changed my life in a few days. I never knew I could be so depressed, and now I feel better than I have in years. I'm not all the way there, but it feels amazing to finally find something that actually WORKS.

 

Of course everyone's different, but I'm surprised how many people say similar things about Abilify; I hope it works for you. The BEST thing about it when you've gone 'round on the merry-go-round is that you don't have to wait 6-8 weeks to see how it works... it should be less than a week, about 3 days for me. 

 

I hope it helps!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Abilify saved me too.  It lessened the hallucinations significantly and calmed me down.  It took 7-8 weeks to get in my system. 

 

I'm on a large combo of meds to help me, but it doesn't bother me because they are working.  It took a very long time to find the combo, but I am so glad I kept on trying until the right cocktail came along.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

RXNFX: It's funny, I totally do the baby steps method through out my super bad days. I giggle and think of "What about Bob" lol. I need to work on becoming better at the one day at a time thing. Being Bipolar I tend to look at the big picture, and the big picture beyond that. Really annoying and pointless...

 

These blah's are horrible. I haven't had a big doozy of a depression since being on Lamictal thankfully. Instead it's this horrible consistent feeling like the color has been sucked out of everything. And then having enough energy for EVERYTHING to be irritating. The deep depressions I was too numb and out of it, and well, asleep for 12 hours a day to care about much of anything.

 

I did a long stint with the med merry go round before they figured out I was bipolar, many different worthless AD's. No good except for when they made me manic(painted ALL of my furniture, ripped up the old lineolum, refinished other furniture, etc). Then had a full (natural pfftt) mania that found me Lithium. And then a ton of meds after that. Then I found Lamictal and it's made things tolerable enough to where I have just been complacently sitting in mid grade depression land. I had a good hypomanic episode a couple of months back which got significant enough and my paranoia and voices were starting to breakthrough. Then luckily, uhhhh, I've landed here. I've turned into a rookie again and honestly scared of a new med. The mania possibility freaks me as my episodes have gotten more out of control with age. Should I give my credit cards to my BF in case of a flare up? What do you guys do to "set up" everything? I live alone, so that's a bit of my worry also.

 

I've heard a lot of you say good things about Abilify, and that in itself is encouraging. There are times when I dream, just a little, what if one day I could be functional enough to work? Or go to school(consistently)?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hope Abilify works for you.  I know that awful low grade depression just wears away at you.

 

Aside from med compliance, are you taking care of yourself in other ways?  Are you exercising?  Do you try to do things that you used to find pleasurable?  I've found that it takes a balanced approach to reach recovery.  Do you see a therapist?  A therapist can provide you with coping skills for getting through the really rough patches and the days that you just feel "blah".

 

I think its healthy to dream about being functional enough to work or go to school.  Don't give up on that.

 

I know the med-go-round sucks, but it can produce some really good results.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really found Abilify to be a miracle pill, I swear. I felt better within three days of a 5mg dose? I think? It was amazing.

 

I personally didn't find it activating. I actually slept better on that one than just about any other med I've taken, and that is quite a lot. Most of the ones in my sig were taken long before they realized I was bipolar, though, including the Abilify and Lamictal, but they kept me on those because somehow, everything got better on those! huh! 

 

I liked it a lot. I had to go off it eventually, but it worked really, really well for a long time. I went up to 15mg and was on that for a while and stopped. I THOUGHT it made me gain about 50lbs. Now that I'm off it and still struggling with this, I realize it probably was NOT the Abilify. None of the meds I'm currently on really cause weight gain and I'm still having a lot of problems with my diet so, psh.

 

I may try it again one day if I need to.

 

It sedated me the first week or so. Like, brain-dead state almost. Living in a weird, funky haze. Got past that, everything was alright, I was happier and slept much better at night! 

 

Worth a shot. I'm far less frightened of AAPs than I am of ADs. Don't know why that is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've taken Abilify for a long time now & it has helped me tremendosly-combined with an AD (formerly Wellbutrin, now Zoloft). I take a lot of meds but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to b/c it works for me. The med roller coaster blows, I can relate! Hopefully you will find a good combo soon. What helps me when i'm feeling down is to write in my gratitude notebook. Remember the little things each day that bring me happiness. A thought that made me smile (What About Bob :D), my dogs, a good meal, etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if the abilify is going to work out. I split a 2mg pill in half last night and soon enough I'm moving my legs, shaking my foot, feel like bugs are crawling inside me, and I'm worried my teeth might shatter from all the clenching. My anxiety is already so consistently high(without abilify) that I split Ambien into 1/4s and take them during the days sometimes....Do I just keep trying to raise it up? My mental health system where I live is horrific so if you get into crisis your mostly on your own, and my pdoc is only in office two days out of the week...sigh

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...