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You shouldn't be doing that, your crazy


eldorado
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Is there anything you do or have in your life that you get hassle and disapproval for just because you happen to be crazy.  I'm talking about that kind of things non-crazy people do or have and no one blinks an eye at, but the idea of a crazy person doing or having them "just doesn't make common sense".  Yeah, maybe being crazy makes it a little more complicate, or maybe not, but just because you have an MI doesn't mean you shouldn't be entitled to the same rights as everyone else.

 

One of the things people get all uptight and self-righteous about is that I home school my kid.  Most people don't think too much of the practice to start with, but when a crazy person is doing it, common sense dictates that it just isn't responsible or its bad for the kid.  Or do you think there are things you shouldn't be doing because you are crazy and where did you pick that attitude up?  

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When I went to Mexico and parts of the British West Indies a few years ago, some of my family members caused a shitshow because they were afraid I would lose it down there and never come back. It pissed me off to have my BP thrown up in my face like that and used as an excuse to treat me like a child and only made me more determined to go. Besides, my father has BP and has traveled extensively in his life, even moving to the US when he was young. Not that he's a good example, because he's a sadistic piece of shit, but still. 

 

Also, choosing to live on my own after I left my last roommate situation. My mother wanted me to move back in with her and used the crazy as emotional blackmail to try to achieve that goal. 

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I am the variety of Autistic who likes to move around a lot-to stim, one might say. Probably the thing I do most in public is rock forward on to the balls of my feet and bounce up and down when I have to stand in one place for more than about 30 seconds. People including my first, not-Autism-specific tdoc, jump on me and assume I'm manic if I don't bother suppressing the urge. And I can rarely be bothered to suppress the urge these days. It makes me feel better, so fuck all y'all.

 

Edit for typos.

Edited by Gearhead
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If I cry or am sad, or whatever, for any reason, it is automatically because "I'm depressed," part of the MI.  I can't even get angry or stressed out about anything, even that of which a person without MI would be, without it being questioned.  Anything I do that is not of a "regular, happy person," is "caused" by the MI.

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If I cry or am sad, or whatever, for any reason, it is automatically because "I'm depressed," part of the MI.  I can't even get angry or stressed out about anything, even that of which a person without MI would be, without it being questioned.  Anything I do that is not of a "regular, happy person," is "caused" by the MI.

Yes, I definitely get this. I can't have a bad day without people freaking out, so I mostly keep everything to myself.

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If I cry or am sad, or whatever, for any reason, it is automatically because "I'm depressed," part of the MI.  I can't even get angry or stressed out about anything, even that of which a person without MI would be, without it being questioned.  Anything I do that is not of a "regular, happy person," is "caused" by the MI.

Yes, I definitely get this. I can't have a bad day without people freaking out, so I mostly keep everything to myself.

 

Me too. 

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When I went to Mexico and parts of the British West Indies a few years ago, some of my family members caused a shitshow because they were afraid I would lose it down there and never come back. It pissed me off to have my BP thrown up in my face like that and used as an excuse to treat me like a child and only made me more determined to go. Besides, my father has BP and has traveled extensively in his life, even moving to the US when he was young. Not that he's a good example, because he's a sadistic piece of shit, but still. 

 

Also, choosing to live on my own after I left my last roommate situation. My mother wanted me to move back in with her and used the crazy as emotional blackmail to try to achieve that goal. 

 

Whenever I Travel abroad, I get this response as well.

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Everyone talks to them selves out loud, but when I do it I must be losing my mind, actually those times I can find my mind :)

 

Actually, that's the one thing the I begrudge non MI people for.  It use to be the sole province of the mentally ill to walk around talking to people that only they could see and hear.  But now with blue tooth, smart phones, and tablets, everyone is roaming around having unapologetic conversations in the middle of public with people who aren't there.

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Everyone talks to them selves out loud, but when I do it I must be losing my mind, actually those times I can find my mind :)

 

Actually, that's the one thing the I begrudge non MI people for.  It use to be the sole province of the mentally ill to walk around talking to people that only they could see and hear.  But now with blue tooth, smart phones, and tablets, everyone is roaming around having unapologetic conversations in the middle of public with people who aren't there.

 

I never thought of it that way lol, but your right!

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If I cry or am sad, or whatever, for any reason, it is automatically because "I'm depressed," part of the MI.  I can't even get angry or stressed out about anything, even that of which a person without MI would be, without it being questioned.  Anything I do that is not of a "regular, happy person," is "caused" by the MI.

 

Similarly, I can't tell my family that I'm tired, or would rather not go out for a meal, because it turns immediately into a string of "we're so worried about you, is it your medication, you never want to do anything anymore, have you spoken to your doctor blah blah blah".  I'm not allowed to just be tired because I'm super busy at work, or the neighbours kept me awake, or anything that "normal" people have the right to use as an excuse.  It drives me round the fucking bend.

 

eta The thing is, I've been predominantly stable since January 2012, and I haven't been hospitalised or had to take extended mental health-related time off work for a few years now.... but I feel like I'm forever going to be held up against some sort of standard that they believe was set when I was really ill.  I try to understand this from their perspective, but it's very difficult to take when I'm working really hard to move on, and be responsible with my meds and my treatment.

Edited by miab
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eta The thing is, I've been predominantly stable since January 2012, and I haven't been hospitalised or had to take extended mental health-related time off work for a few years now.... but I feel like I'm forever going to be held up against some sort of standard that they believe was set when I was really ill.  I try to understand this from their perspective, but it's very difficult to take when I'm working really hard to move on, and be responsible with my meds and my treatment.

 

I can really relate ... OMG ... I am so trying to move on too.  In 1998 (15 years ago), I did a huge OD that put me on life support for a little while.  Long story short it was a really bad one, but was my LAST ONE.  Prior years to that I also OD'd but they were not as serious as this one in 1998.

 

Anyway, STILL, to this day, EVERY TIME I go to the ER, I have a guard outside my door, the first thing they ask is when was the last time you saw pdoc, etc., and they check bloodwork for stuff like aspirin, tylenol, etc ... every fucking thing you can imagine ... to see if there are elevated levels in my blood (the ONLY way I found out they did this is because of the Medicare papers that are sent to me at home stating what was billed for, I saw all the lab work for this ER visit, and it was assumed clearly that they thought I'd Od'd when I hadn't).

 

I had just seen my pdoc THAT MORNING, and in a couple hours I went unconscious while in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.  But I was conscious enough to call 911, and tell the EMT people I didn't know what was happening, and they asked if I took anything, and I said no, nothing.

 

So I get to the hospital unconscious, but I was in and out of it, so I could hear random things off and on, and the question everyone there was asking was "What did you take?"  I must have heard that question at least 10 times while in and out of consciousness.  Then when I came to, finally, the first question was "Ok, what did you take?" and I said, "nothing."  I said, "I just saw pdoc this morning and everything was fine.  Idk what happened."

 

It all turned out to be a major anxiety attack (pdoc backed me up when the ER paged him, that I hadn't taken anything and that this was in fact an anxiety attack). But you'd think after 15 YEARS, they'd have some sort of way to move on, you know?

 

 

ETA: Sorry for the rant.  Just gets to me when I remember this.

Edited by melissaw72
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Uh. SO pretty much anything I do is deemed because of the crazy, and has been for a long time. 

 

Like, I blink it's because I'm hallucinating a speck of dust in my eye.

I want to work, I'm crazy. I don't, I'm crazy. School- crazy. No school- crazy. Exercise routinely- crazy. Cancel gym membership- crazy.

 

Like at what point on any of those spectrums is someone NOT actually crazy?

 

So at this point, I'm kind of like "ok, it's because I'm crazy. have a nice day".

 

I don't end up in a third world country doing interpretive hopscotch on a regular basis. I think I'm ok.  If other people want to express their discomfort with their life and/or their ignorance, that's cool... but they'll have to intimidate someone else with that crap.

 

I have enough of my own doubts I REALLY can do without buying into anyone else's completely unfounded crap.

 

ya know, just sayin' 

 

:D

I think your exaggerating here, must be crazy! :)

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yes and it's frustrating at best, infuriating at worst

 

everything i think that is different is "delusional"

i'm completely discredited such that if person x were to say the exact same thing...that person would be taken seriously...i receive less consideration

so someone is an asshole and other people mention it...it's taken as legitimate reporting...i mention it...i'm being "paranoid"

someone else casually expresses anger or makes a remark about wanting to punch some offender in the face or blow up the dmv...it's viewed as understandable reaction to a situation and that the person saying it isn't *literally* going to beat someone to a pulp or cause mass destruction

if i were to say the exact same thing in the exact same circumstances...it's a totally different story

i'm suddenly "agitated" and getting questions about whether i'm "off my meds" 

 

being deemed delusional is really my biggest complaint

everything is a symptom that people disagree with

instead of being taken as able to have an idea 

i get dismissed as being unwell

 

actually, no...the worst is that people cop this attitude

like...they have more access to my experience than i do

and what i "really believe" is xyz...which amounts to saying that what i really believe is what they believe

and so any difference is due to illness

which is so condescending to have someone basically say that i am not able to accurately describe my experience and ideas as well as they can describe them

 

that happens a lot with differences in perception or different interpretations of situations

and i get invalidated because people simply don't fucking listen...they make a snap judgment and offer these bullshit platitudes

which is bad enough to do to my face

but even worse when i learn that it's been done on my behalf

people will "explain" any number of behaviors or statements of mine by informing others that they should disregard me because i don't understand what i'm saying or because i must be off meds or having an episode

 

the notion that someone else knows me better than i know myself and is position to say shit like...oh...you don't really think that...that's your illness talking

and the presumption that i am sick and everything i do and say is a manifestation of my illness and if not for it i would think and speak and act exactly as they do...

fuck that noise

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i'm completely discredited such that if person x were to say the exact same thing...that person would be taken seriously...i receive less consideration

 

I HATE when that happens.  It is the exact same answer, but mine is wrong somehow, or needs to be asked to another person, like my answer doesn't even count.  It's like why ask me in the first place?

 

 

the notion that someone else knows me better than i know myself and is position to say shit like...oh...you don't really think that...that's your illness talking

and the presumption that i am sick and everything i do and say is a manifestation of my illness and if not for it i would think and speak and act exactly as they do...

fuck that noise

 

Exactly.  Well put.  It sucks when people "know" my MI more than I do.  Frustrating at the least.

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