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Isn't there more to life that an appearance


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I don't have an eating disorder. However I have always been obsessive about my weight. People always tell me that I'm skinny and they are jealous or whatever but I am NEVER satisfied. I currently weigh 127 and I'm 5'8''. I play with my weight using birth control pills(the stronger it is the more weight I gain), trying out how I look with more weight because it makes my face look less rigid, and then at the same time feeling fat and wanting to lose all the weight all over again and trying to be as skinny as possible.

 

I hate hate hate my face. I wish I could get plastic surgery and get a nose job or something. I don't know what would fix it. I went to this fancy event the non-profit I volunteer for was having and I felt like I ruined all the group pictures because I look so screwed up. No amount of makeup can change the face I got genetically...

 

When I look bad in a picture I feel like I am being reduced to that and only that. Like I'm ugly on the outside so it doesn't matter at all who I am on the inside. The joy and happiness and my personality on the inside don't matter because you can't see that in a picture.

 

I want to stop focusing on my appearance. I want to live by the quote, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart."

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FWIW, I think you have a lovely face (I assume that's you in your profile pic). I can empathize. I don't have an eating disorder either, however I got very sick in the past, lost about 20kgs and there was a part of me that loved being thin. When I got better and put the weight on I struggled with it. Part of me new I looked better and healthier but there was another part of me that didn't like my round face because it looked fat. I still struggle with self image 7 years down the track.

Unfortunately I think we're just hard on ourselves, some of us more than others. I rarely have a photo taken that I feel I don't look horrendous in, as a consequence there are very few photo's of me because I delete them all. Even my Mum once laughed and said I always look bad in photo's (thanks Mum!)

I think too that sometimes a photo doesn't capture how you actually look. To see a person animated and talking and smiling...well they can look very different than what they do in a still photograph and on the other end of the scale there are plenty of people who photograph wonderfully but don't look at all like that in reality.

Sorry I'm not much help, just saying I understand.

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Hi

 

I think you look beautiful, and I love your hair : ) 127 lbs. is not a lot when you are 5"8. You seem to have a lot of negative thoughts about your appearance and this is sometimes an indication of an eating disorder or body dysmorphia, I can totally relate to the group picture thing, I feel like i'm not good enough, that I ruin pictures and bring other people in them down.

 

I suffered bulimia for 4 years and still have negative thoughts about my appearance, it's all I constantly think about for around 10 years now.

 

Try not and give yourself a hard time, I'm sure there is a lot more to you then your appearance, but when these negative thoughts

take over it can seem like that's all you are, im sure people in your life see you as a complete person and not just as an appearance, if you cantry asking your friends and family what they like about you.

 

take care

Edited by isthisit?
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Agreed with everyone above honestly you are gorgeous <3

 

It does sound like you have some level of body dysmorphia and it's definately worth talking things over with your tdoc. With body dysmorphia plastic surgery etc doesn't work, I know this from experience (diagnosed Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I had a nose job almost 2 years ago, £3500 loan for nothing... I felt a little better for a few weeks then I could see all the "flaws" again and I'm just left with debts and even lower self-esteem/worth

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I'm seeing my therapist today, so I'll bring this stuff up with her. roflysst thank you for sharing that because i struggle with wanting to get some kind of procedure done on my lower tummy. Its just naturally soft and pokes out instead of being flat. I am so jealous of girls that have flat stomachs and abs. and I'm insecure because I have this thought that my husband would find me so much sexier if I got it "fixed". I know it would not fix the underlying issues but it's so tempting...

 

I used to be able to leave the house without makeup without a care in the world, but after coworkers at my last job repeatedly said stuff like "you look dead" or "your face is screwed up", I just can't bring myself to do it. My husband actually prefers me without makeup though and says I look beautiful...lol he's a keeper

 

thank you everyone. 

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melissaw72 It went okay. she's gonna start doing CBT but I need to keep a journal to record specific thoughts/feelings about stuff so she can help me more. and then she started saying well maybe your parents weren't very attentive to your needs when I was a baby so that's why I have trouble managing my emotions...well good to know but that doesn't really help me now..?

 

 I feel like I've told her my main problems already so I'm starting to get frustrated with her. :/ 

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Don't get frustrated, sometimes I'd have 'dry spells' where I'd get loads of stuff off my chest and then have a few weeks where we just talked about crap in my appointments because I couldn't think of anything else that was bothering me. And once you've worked on the big stuff it can get repetitive (like the whole 'well maybe you felt like you needed more attention so this happened'... it's like yeah, this is the 5th time we've been over this.) Sometimes I felt like we needed to talk about the big stuff but there wasn't really any more big stuff to cover, so I tried to think of new big stuff to talk about but couldn't find any because there was none. And then I'd feel like I was wasting her time by talking about little stuff, but I wasn't and it's just part of that therapist journey. 

 

It does sound like body dysmorphia and a huge lack of confidence to me. Instead of looking at yourself focus on the things you do? Can you draw? Bake? Sing? etc... you get the idea. It will not cure it, that type of thinking, but it can help. If you have a skill or something that you're really proud of then focus on that, but if you're sat there thinking 'I can't do anything like that' then find something you're interested in and perfect it. Be it knitting or baking or dancing, outside projects and hobbies can help to turn your focus inwards rather than just on the outside. Again it's not a cure, but it's a healthier way of thinking and it will build your confidence knowing you have a skill that will last a lifetime... because in reality the way we look changes all the time. We get older, there's the weight factors, accidents happen, and we just change. Beauty and bodyshape isn't permanent and even if you loved yourself the way you look now in 5 years you will look a little different, in 10, even more so... and in 50 years... you get the idea. It is only skin deep, but YOU, the inner you, is so much deeper and better than your outside shell. 

 

Plus your other half sounds like a keeper if he's not putting you down for the way you look that's brilliant, it really saddens me when people are insecure and their other half feeds it by putting them down... perhaps ask him why he loves you, but for the non-physical reasons. You'll find you have some lovely personality traits you're overlooking because you use them all the time and don't even think about it but they're things that your bf loves you for, and your friends and family too. 

 

As for body dysmorphia you will have good days and bad. When I'm having one of those days I have to avoid mirrors and reflective surfaces because they make me feel worse. 

Edited by Paperskyscraper
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