Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Thinking People Hate You


Recommended Posts

I've recently starting going to some outpatient groups at a psych hospital. It's the most socialising I've done in a long time. I'm getting this feeling that people hate me. I'm fairly certain that it's my social phobia that makes me think that. I've had this happen before. But when I get this feeling, it's difficult to reality check. I guess I interpret things people say, their body language, facial expressions, the look in their eyes, as signs that they hate me. There's absolutely nothing concrete that has been said or done that would prove this fear to be true. 

 

Another possibility.. I have some BPD traits, could it be a result of those instead?

 

I guess I don't really know what to do. Have any of you experienced this? Are there any ways I can reassure myself that they don't hate me? It's really uncomfortable.

 

I don't know, I guess I'll bring it up with my pdoc. 

 

Sometimes I wonder what I seem like to other people. I have a theory that I'm like unintentionally an asshole somehow. Like I don't even notice that I'm a total jerk. 

 

Anyway, it would be good to hear if anyone else experiences this sort of thing. I feel really alone in it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I feel like this a lot too.  I always feel like I did something wrong but the people aren't saying anything to me about it, and just brushing me off.

 

Over time I have come to realize that if someone hates me, then I stay away from the person as best as possible.  I can't change what they think, although I'd like to clear the air and ask why they hate me.  But like you said, it could just be the social anxiety and they really don't hate me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i used to struggle with this feeling a lot. my therapist at the time basically validated my nagging feeling and said it was because i never learned to exercise tact in social situations. it was suggested not to be too blunt in communication or interrupt or appear too self-absorbed and people will be less likely to react in ways that suggest negative reactions. i think my lack of tact stemmed from a lot of unresolved anger and i've now basically supressed my anger by being overly polite and soft-spoken. some people can see right through it, some can't.

anyway, just throwing out some ideas, i'm not suggesting this is your problem as you didn't really give a lot of details on why you think people see you as an 'asshole'.. that may or may not be an accurate thought. which would be one way of 'reassuring yourself': attempting to neutralize your thoughts. simply acknowledge the possibility that your thoughts are inaccurate.

Edited by j.evang
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think maybe I lack tact or my tone or whatever isn't congruent with my meaning. Maybe I come off as arrogant or something. IDK. I can't really think of specific examples that would prove this theory but yeah I've considered that I'm maybe not good at expressing myself.

I'm sure I don't seem "normal". At the very least I think I would appear weird and awkward to other people. It sucks because most of the people at the groups are more functional and normal than I am. I guess people with more severe issues might not be comfortable going to a group. I wish they were just a bit more weird, so my weirdness wouldn't stand out.

 

Often I've caught myself saying something friendly and then realising they could infer a more sinister meaning. Like an insulting subtext. I haven't noticed anything like that at the hospital, but maybe I say stuff like that all the time and don't notice? Like my subconscious is randomly insulting people... Is that a thing? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 i hear ya, it's not fun being an oddball when you just want to fit in. as for the second paragraph, i think you might be overthinking things in that case. but i'm not sure. i don't think it's something to pathologize on this site, to be honest

Edited by j.evang
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been going to a group for a long time.  I think I appear quiet and nervous, but maybe there is more.  Sometimes, when I'm sharing I make people laugh unintentionally.  People exchange numbers and invitations to go places, but I'm not invited unless it's something where everyone is invited. I had a time where I was super-focused on language and I would notice that sometimes I said things that had double or triple meanings. I think people usually take things at face value so you probably aren't doing anything subconsciously IMO. 

 

That must be difficult thinking people hate you. I wish there was a way to reassure you. I think you should bring it up to your pdoc.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think people usually take things at face value so you probably aren't doing anything subconsciously IMO. 

Thanks, that's a good point. 

 

I'm sorry to hear that the others in your group aren't very inclusive. Being excluded feels lousy.

 

I will bring this up with my pdoc next appointment. Hopefully she can clarify things for me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can't relate to the group situation but every time I talk to anybody I get convinced I've suffered foot in mouth and then I obsess over whatever stupid thing it is I've said for weeks or days (or at least until the next time I see them). I know it's different but I can relate to the worry that people don't like me. I worry about it too, only I'm usually painfully aware of every word I've said to someone in a conversation and figure that's the problem.

My point I guess is that it could just be a feeling that you have based on your anxiety and they don't really hate you at all. Dpending on how long you've been going there they possibly just feel they don't really know you yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's just so hard to know whether they really hate us or if it's my anxiety. I don't know how I can ever have friends when I have this fear. I'm not going to keep spending time with people I feel hate me, so am I destined to just be a loner?

 

Idk.  I am mostly a loner I think.  Not many friends (except on-line), etc, but I'm ok with that because too many people in my life gets me stressed out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hate is a stong emotion, and most people can't hide such strong feelings well.  I try to remind myself that if someone really, truly hated me, then I would probably know it.  I wouldn't have to be reading between the lines and guessing so much about why or what I could have done wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think this could be a matter of your social anxiety combined with being down on yourself.  When you think you're a loser you tend to project that onto other people.  I think it also makes you question everything you say and do.  This is an exhausting place to be b/c you can never do anything right according to your inner critic.  I highly doubt that the people in your group are reading into the things you're saying in the way you think they are.  Most people are too concerned with themselves to worry that much about what another person is saying.

 

I think talking to your pdoc or tdoc is a great idea.  You can come up with ways to block that negative voice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

McJimjam, I can really identify with what you wrote--when I meet new people especially I get nervous and overthink everything. Then, after the fact I think back on what I said. I've realized over time though that when I reflect back I tend to make things worse in my head than they were in reality--something that is confirmed when I see those people later and they're nice. 

 

One suggestion that might help--if you're in this program and they have a session for group therapy, this would be the perfect thing to bring up and explore in that situation. It may feel anxiety-provoking at first, but you will likely find that a lot of your perceptions are anxiety-based. Generally speaking, group therapy can be a really great place to explore insecurity and get a more positive and accurate view of yourself.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For the most part I believe that most of us on this site are working on ourselves. That being said, that may make us more aware of other people's responses which in turn have us in analysis paralysis about what we said. In general it's been my experience that most people are so caught up in their own lives and agendas that they really don't care about what we've said or done... keep in mind this statement is coming from someone who has been beating herself up all weekend attempting to figure out what she did to create a reaction in her boss on Friday ( which is basicly not her stuff but her bosses). Just because it is intellectually understood doesn't necessarily mean we understand it emotionally! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel the exact same way. Also, I always feel like I'm in other people's way, even random strangers, like my presence somehow spoils their day and they resent me for it. I know it's ridiculous. But I can't shake the feeling. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel the exact same way. Also, I always feel like I'm in other people's way, even random strangers, like my presence somehow spoils their day and they resent me for it. I know it's ridiculous. But I can't shake the feeling. 

 

I understand this ... I'm the same way.  Kind of like I want to be invisible so I'm not "in the way."  I don't want to ruin anything for anyone with my being there.  I feel like others see me as a problem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel the exact same way. Also, I always feel like I'm in other people's way, even random strangers, like my presence somehow spoils their day and they resent me for it. I know it's ridiculous. But I can't shake the feeling. 

I've felt this, too.  My tdoc keeps telling me I have a right to take up space and make noise.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get that not wanting to be any kind of imposition/take up space etc. thing, too. I feel like my self-esteem must be just terrible, which is strange. Why does an anxiety disorder come with such low self-esteem as a feature? AFAIK none of the other anxiety disorders interfere with things like that. Maybe they do, but in such a direct fashion?

 

I think maybe my SA was caused or exacerbated by how I was treated in high school. Bullying etc. I was treated like I was taking up space then.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, I think it may have more to do with the BPD than the SA, though I'm sure there's overlap (and this is just conjecture, really). I felt like I didn't have a right to exist or take up space because of the way my father treated me throughout my entire childhood, so I guess that feeling has lingered. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...