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scared to go home


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hi everyone. i'm new and not sure if i'm in the right place. 

i have dealt with an eating disorder for about a year and a half now. i lost a lot of weight, then gained it back, and then some. i was overweight in high school and lost a lot of weight without trying my freshman year of college  due to ptsd. (fun times!) i got a lot of praise for that, from my parents, old friends, etc. it felt so good to go home and hear people say "wow, you're SO tiny"

and now... i'm not as big as i was in high school, but significantly bigger than i was this summer. i'm so scared to go home in a month, to have people notice, to have them talk behind my back. when i was thin, i felt like the other fucked up stuff in my life didn't matter, because at least i looked good. now i just feel like a loser. 

what on earth do i do?

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I understand, I had bulimia for 4 years and when I returned from University I worried how people were going to react to the fact I had

gained weight, and to my surprise everyone else had so much going on in their life that it wasn't an issue.

 

I think you are very brave to have confronted your ed and got a bit better, it takes real courage to do this and I think you should be 

very proud of yourself, it makes you a winner not a loser. Non ed people will never understand this and you have to again find it within yourself to shut their negative opinions out.

 

You are defiantly not a loser for getting better.

Edited by isthisit?
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I can relate to the gain/lose weight thing.

 

I also hate when people make a comment about my appearance ... like, "oh, you've gained/lost weight" ... I think to myself, so what did I look like before for you to make this comment?  And that always totally pisses me off because it feels like total judgement, and that it was something they actually were thinking of me the time before I saw them, they just didn't say it.

 

When this happens, I just say, "yep," and then, so far in my life at least, people just stop at that.  I was at the DR getting my physical and the nurse said, "you've lost a lot of weight ... you look really good," and I said, "yep, thank you," and thought to myself how she must have thought I looked (insert whatever negative word) before that.  And she didnt say anything after that.  I was still pissed though.

 

You're not a loser.  If this happens I'd try to just say, "yep," and hopefully the conversation will end there.  It is frustrating though.

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Fuck 'em.

I hate when people comment on weight. Unless its a huge amount, most people don't say anything. And a lot of people tend to comment on weight if they're really insecure themselves. I had a friend call me "fat" when I was at a set, healthy, weight for myself (a non-ED weight) and she, well, she prides herself on being "BBW" and "curvy". She told me "wow, you let yourself go". "Is your boyfriend a chubby chaser or something?" So I kicked her out of my house and ignored her, and she got the hint. (Bitchface, her, not you)

 

You're hardly a loser for recovering from an eating disorder! That's HARD. It took me years or relapsing and struggling. You're healthy.

If people want to talk behind your back, fuck 'em. You're a better person, you're stronger, and be proud of what you've accomplished. Seriously, it's a huge accomplishment. I know what you feel is normal, because I've felt it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I can relate to this a llot. I went through a fairly serious depression last year and pretty much stopped eating there for a while. It was not because I wanted or needed to lose weight, quite frankly I just didn't care enough to eat.

Needless to say..I started losing weight and everyone started to comment on it. Telling me how great I looked and how thin I was getting. At the time I was to depressed to be anything more than irritated by those comments..but now I find that I am appalled. Not only that people believe it is okay to comment on someone else's weight ..but that someone losing weight is considered "good" no matter the circumstances.

I have always been thin and work out regularly, eat very healthy mosy organic all natural whole foods..I was in great shape. No one would have suggested I lose weight. However when I did..all I heard from people was how great it was and how good I looked.

Luckily after about two or three months of this depression I did get help and went back to healthy eating and excersise. But I was down to a very unhealthy weight at that point. It still makes me very angry that so many people saw that weight loss as a positive thing. I've even been asked since I returned to my regular healthy weight if I had stopped working out or if I stopped dieting. At part of me is sometimes tempted to say "Yeah..the diet just wasn't really working for me..turns out going months on end without consuming anything other than lattes and tea just isn't all that good for you..so I figured I would just go back to being fat."

I've never said that..but boy have I wanted to..I have however made it clear that the super thin me was not the healthy me.

I would try to ignore any comments positive or negative about your weight. And if someone makes a comment about how you are biggger now than before simply say that you were ill at that time and the weight loss was related..but you are feeling much better now. I've found that for me at least this has worked wonders for dealing with these sorts of comments. People are usually understanding enough or too embarrassed to bring it up anymore..occasionally someone will ask about the "illness", personaly I simply say that I don't wish to discuss it but that would depend how close you are to the person asking or how open you want to be about it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I will never forget when I was 16 and was very anorexic, I was sent to a boarding high school but my junior school was in my home  town. I went to my friends 16th in my home town and a girl introduced me to a group of people as this is "Ashdene" she used to be beautiful but now she is just too thin! I felt humiliated and totally confused cause I didn't see it.

People will always have something to say!. And to be honest at one stage I used to get upset if nobody commented about my thinness! 

I took up medical and humanitarian work, and now that is the first thing that people from my home town ask me about and then only my looks! 

It gave me confidence! It gave me drive and pride!

 

Find something to change the conversation and show your inner self!! Because I'm sure its way more beautiful then your weight!

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Going home can be really, really hard.  I moved back in with my parents in my hometown a few years ago because I couldn't take care of myself while I was very ill.  That stirred up all kinds of feelings that I tried to stuff by binging.  I ended up being so self-conscious about my body that I wouldn't leave the house because I didn't want people to see what I had become . . . didn't want to run into so-and-so's mom at the pharmacy and have to hear about her fabulous life while I was divorced, unemployed, living with my parents, and incredibly uncomfortable with my appearance.  (Thank goodness for the CVS drive through!)

 

I have some standard lines ready for when I run into people I'd rather not talk to.  If I can't think of anything to say in response to the dreaded, "How are you?  What have you been up to?" I can at least say, "I'm just great, I recently learned to sew!" or something similar.  If anyone is crass enough to comment on whether my weight has changed, I say, "I don't know--I don't weigh myself," and change the topic.  Having a ready response like melisaw's "Yep," takes a lot of the pressure off for me.  And keeping a stress ball in my coat pocket helps, too.

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