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Asking for something back?


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I lent an old laptop to my friend over a year ago now, in fact, bordering on two years. Hers broke and I had a spare that was a little slow but still worked okay so she borrowed it on the condition that as soon as she could afford a new one, I'd get it back. Her bf was living in a another country and she had loads of uni work to do so she was using it for that...

 

We were at uni so money was tight for all of us, but I asked for it back a couple of months ago and she asked if she could keep it for a bit longer so she could look for jobs online and she also felt lonely because she'd moved away and was using it for skype. We're no longer at uni but I saw on her facebook the other day that she has a job now... so she doesn't need to keep it for that.

 

Now she's moved, almost an hour away but I can get to her and she can get to me so distance isn't a huge issue. But I want my laptop back and I'm not entirely sure how to ask for it back this time? I was kind of blunt with it last time and sent it her via text because she wasn't answering her phone, but I don't want her to come up with another excuse as to why she could hold onto it for a bit longer. She also doesn't text back for days so I was really worried she was trying to ignore me but almost a week later and she did text back.

 

Unfortunately we don't talk as much as we used to when we lived together, we've lived in separate accommodation for over a year and we just lost touch a little. I haven't spoken to her since I sent her the text about the laptop last.

 

I don't like confrontation and this is the kind of thing that really bugs me and I know I should just send her a message asking for it back but argh. 

 

I don't even know what to say? I know there is nothing I can do really because if she does run off with my laptop I don't have evidence or proof. I think  I'm just being paranoid now. I really don't know how to word this...

 

 

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I'd start nicely. Just text her or call and say "hey, I was just wondering if you'd finished with that laptop yet? Mine's broken (white lie) and I can't really afford another one right now and could really use it because: *insert excuse*"

See how that goes. If she starts giving you some bogus excuses maybe call her on the fact that you know she's working now and you really need it back.

I hate asking for stuff back too though :(

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Thank Jessamine, I really really hate asking, even though I know its mine and I have every right to ask for it back. I might even try her on facebook, sounds silly but I know then I can see when she's read a message, rather than waiting for her to text back. Plus she seems to be on there 24/7 yet hardly checks her phone for texts? 

 

I was wondering about a little white lie, waaahhh now I have to pluck up the courage to write something.

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As hard as it is, you have to do your best to be assertive.

 

"I'm going to be in the area on X, Y, Z days, when is a good time for me to stop by to pick up the laptop?"

 

"I'm going to be home in the afternoon.  Which day would be best for you to swing by and drop off my laptop?"

 

Be direct and specific.  You did a nice thing, by the way, by lending someone your laptop when they were in a bind.

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Be direct and specific.  You did a nice thing, by the way, by lending someone your laptop when they were in a bind.

 

^

Thanks guys :-)

 

 I know it sounds silly but I was at a complete loss. I will drop her a line this evening, and I shall be assertive, but I think I'll have a white lie as back up if she tries to come up with another excuse. 

 

Thank you all so much for your help! :-)

Edited by Paperskyscraper
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If you know a time when she's home (like after work) I'd just show up and bang on her door and say "Hey, I was in the area and I really need my laptop back. Can you get it for me?" It's pretty hard to blow someone off when they're standing in front of you.

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If you know a time when she's home (like after work) I'd just show up and bang on her door and say "Hey, I was in the area and I really need my laptop back. Can you get it for me?" It's pretty hard to blow someone off when they're standing in front of you.

 

^THIS I also think is a good idea ... just show up without calling first (I know it is kinda rude to do that, but she's been pretty rude to you by not returning the laptop, ignoring messages, etc).

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This looks like trouble, and if it is going to pull you apart, you want to end up with your laptop. I think going to her house when you know she's there is a good idea. Also, if you could enlist a mutual friend(s) to say "independently," "Hey, are you going to give Paperskyscraper her computer back this week or next? Her other computer is broken," so she knows that she can't steamroll you, that would be good.

 

ETA: If she says she has a bunch of files on there, tell her to copy them as you stand there, because you need to go. Or offer to copy them for her.

Edited by crtclms
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Another no! We arranged to meet up on Monday as I was passing through, we were going to go for lunch and a half hearted catch up but then she called me about 30mins before we were supposed to meet and said that she'd had to take her dog to the vets for an emergency appointment and that she was really sorry etc... a part of me wondered if the dog thing was an excuse but then I'm probably being paranoid. I swear I am never lending anyone anything again unless I don't mind losing it for good! 

Edited by Paperskyscraper
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Another no! We arranged to meet up on Monday as I was passing through, we were going to go for lunch and a half hearted catch up but then she called me about 30mins before we were supposed to meet and said that she'd had to take her dog to the vets for an emergency appointment and that she was really sorry etc. So I was in the middle of Manchester wondering what to do with myself! I don't have a car so I couldn't get to her house as its about 30mins drive away from the station, a part of me wondered if the dog thing was an excuse but then I'm probably being paranoid. I swear I am never lending anyone anything again unless I don't mind losing it for good! 

 

That sucks!  I'm so sorry.  The only other thing I can think of is to surprise her one day at her house, without calling first.  If she "still" needs to download things, you can maybe sit there and wait while she does it.  This is what I'd do.

 

I also look at things this way ... when I lend things to others I do so with the expectation that I'll never see it again.  If I get it back, then I am lucky.

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