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Going backwards, moving forward


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I should have introduced myself somewhere for demographics and whatnot before asking a question out of the blue. Since I have read some of your stuff, you should know who I am right? Not so much. 

 

I'm a married 30 something (and so I shall stay) with an adolescent daughter. I've been crazy for all of eternity. I go through periods of acceptance and the desire to advocate for everyone with a similar way of thinking and periods of complete denial. It's been almost 20 years, you'd think that part would have faded by now...

 

I take my meds when I feel like it with the exception of whatever my "main" med is at the time. Lamictal or lithium or whatever will happen daily but everything else depends on whether I need to be lifted up a little or calmed down or whatever. After years of not being able to feel like a "normal" person no matter how many medications I take, this works for me. The way I react to things changes from day to day and it's a very disorienting experience. I was convinced that I had a personality disorder because my mood states are distinct but I now believe that I am just very aware and sensitive to the changes. 

 

I am a planner, list maker, writer and organizer by habit. NEVER travel with me. My first trip with Mr. Manic almost ended our relationship. When I traveled out of town for academic stuff Mr. came along to help because he knew that it could be trouble. I had a brilliant paper with great research and by the time I was to speak at the conference I was a blubbering mess. I bawled at the podium. Then I had 7 $1 drinks and blew through my contingency money at the casino. We can never do another conference in Vegas. 2 people with PTSD (and that whole eating disorder thing) should just avoid Vegas all together (Mr. saw combat in the Middle East a few years ago - not that I want to break the rules, but it's relevant to the type of life I live). 

 

I believe that we can change everything about ourselves with the exception of how we think on the very base level. Lose weight, gain weight, change your hair, move to a new city, get a name change, study something new, get a different type of job, get a different type of spouse... but deep down you still have certain patterns of thinking that cannot be educated away. I've spent a LONG time trying to educate them away. 

 

Right now I'm suburban and domestic. I'm terrible at housework but I have a million facts floating around in my head and I'm very good at helping Mr. do well in the business world. Until the little manic is through the first parts of finding her crazy, I'll probably be sticking close to the roost. The little one is scary brilliant. I think that most people think that about their children and I think that about myself (never had the narcissistic DX but I think doc just doesn't want to give me the satisfaction) but this kid scares me sometimes. Her differences are probably the most influential on my life since I spend a lot of time trying to guide her to something healthy and parenting is the hardest job that I've ever had. Almost every parenting article is written for people unlike us (so if you have something, PLEASE share). Mini is an autodidact. Reading at 4, basic computer networking/exploiting vulnerabilities at 6, chemistry at 8 or 9. There's also Spanish and piano but the social/emotional growth and finding her kinetic abilities seem to be most important right now. School makes me feel safe, so I am technically in Grad school right now but I'm doing terribly and I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to keep that up. I do school, I help the mini navigate life as her brain changes in ways that are different from her peers and I help the Mr. make money. 

 

I think that's enough rambling. 

 

MM

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I moved the topic for you!

 

Welcome to CB! I hope you find our little community supportive. 

 

I look forward to getting to know you. 

 

We ask that all members read the User Agreement, if you haven't already. Just so you know how we work around here. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Welcome to Crazyboards.  We have a forum specifically for parents, and all of these people have some sort of MI issue.  I hope you will post in that forum if you would like to get some parenting ideas and support.

 

I'm glad you came here.

 

olga

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  • 2 weeks later...

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