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Hi

My name is Vicky I am 25 yrs old... I have two young children who I adore... and a partner also.

 

I have recently been getting to know my neighbor and I feel ive got that close to her, that I am obsessing about her 24/7 .. she is old enough to be my mother and she has no children of her own. My mum was never there for me emotionally, I never get hugs or told that I am loved by her... this prob why I am insecure too. I won't go into much detail here.

Anyway I cannot stop thinking about her and I feel l need to crave her attention all the time like a little child. I want her to worry about me , I want her to love me as if I was her own child. Sometimes we have been out together and I start thinking things like she doesn't like my company and is only going out with me because she has nothing else to do.

 

I feel like I need to ring all the time and be with her 24/7 . is this a personality disorder or something else....?

 

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People with borderline personality often came from a past featuring trauma or from a family where they felt insecure and unable to trust and feel that they belonged. Often parents who invalidate their children teach them not to trust their own emotions and thoughts, meaning that those children use certain behaviours to get the attention and care they don't feel entitled to by asking outright.

 

It's great that you have identified that being around your neighbour reminds you of how you felt a child and that spending time with this woman is meeting a need. It sounds like you know that it is unlikely that this neighbour can give you what you need and that you starting to feel insecure in your time together. Is there any chance you can talk to a therapist or doctor? You may be able to acesss some therapy to help you move on from this healthy self awareness and decide what your next move should be.

 

It's okay to admit that you didn't get what you needed as a litle girl. It had nothing to do with your worth or who you were, and it's okay to feel sad about what happened and that it cannot be changed. I hope your adult self can take care of that little girl when her feelings come up and that you can be kind to yourself, it takes courage to be this honest.

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