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Welp, that didn't help.


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I told my husband that I was depressed and thinking about suicide and he snapped at me that my life isn't that bad and I should get over it. So now I'm just- I don't want to reach out to him anymore. If that's his help I don't need it. BTW, didn't deter my plans, love. 


He did say he was sorry and is going on the theory that I'm not depressed, I'm angry and internalizing it. That it is all about my DUI case.


My mother called to see how I was doing. I was deliberately evasive. We got on the subject of my cousin's wedding and she started bitching about pictures ending up on facebook. I tried to explain to her that she didn't have an expectation of privacy and that the pictures someone else took of her weren't her property so there wasn't anything that she could do about it. She equated having her picture taken to being raped. I flipped my shit. I yelled at her, which is so unlike me. And I'm still pissed. She apologized right away and withdrew the statement, but still. 

So now I'm all consumed with the desire to hurt myself. Today has been 21 days and I told Cody that I would try to not SI after the hospital, but I'm a liar and a failure. So there is that. 
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You aren't a liar or a failure.


You are a human being who is upset and distressed and has not had success seeking help and comfort from those around her in this moment.


When we get distressed, we tend to start relying on older coping mechanisms because the neural pathways for the new coping methods aren't as strong yet.


But every time you successfully manage the urge to self harm with a different behavior, you strengthen that new neural pathway.

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