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My therapist says I'll probably never quit?


panda90
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OK so i was talking to my tdoc and i told her how my mom told me that i was doing things like trying to si with a plastic knife from a tea set before i was two. After i told her this she asked me when the first time i remember si'ing and honestly i remember that the tape measure was able to cut me so i would play with it in the hopes of getting hurt at 3.

Then she told me that with as young as i was when i started, that it was so ingrained in me that i may never stop.

So now I've given up hope to ever quit. I don't know if i have the will power to wit if even my tdoc doesn't think I'll ever quit.

And if this is all i have to look forward to then what's the point in staying here to see the future?

Edited by panda90
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I think that's a highly irresponsible and inaccurate thing for her to say. It seems unprofessional.

 

It's not true.

 

I think because it's ingrained in you, as she said it will be more DIFFICULT to stop, not unlikely.

What coping skills do you have against SI?

What motivation do you have for stopping?

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Coping skills: ummm...

Motivation: my husband left my because it was to much for him to handle (even though he knew about it before we got married) and I don't want to lose my current boyfriend because of it to.

Edited by panda90
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And yes I've read the thread on alteratives to use but I don't know which ones to try. I have a hard time naming my feelings. To me they just are and they get to be to much. It's kind of a combo of all of them i think?

Idk... I just want to give in right now...

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Feelings are hard, I get that. If you can't identify them can you get some words out? Sometimes I think we just want an outlet for the pain.

From what I understand theres two main strategies, you can distract yourself until the urge passes, and over time it will (seems unlikely now I know) or do something that provides 'pain' but in a non harmful way.

 

So you could distract yourself, I don't know what you like but favourite movie / bubble bath/ call someone / pop into chat (we are friendly, if you need attention just say so, we might just be talking about nothing but we will stop and help you)

 

Or you could do the second one. Go for a run (endorphins) and it hurts, fill a sink with ice water and stick your face in it (stings and it kinda jolts you awake) and some people rub icecubes where they want to SI for similar reasons.

 

We are here for you, don't feel alone.

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Even if your therapist was trying to use reverse psychology to increase your motivation, it's still a crummy thing to say.

 

Here's the deal. Self harm is a strategy to manage emotions. It's unrealistic to expect you to manage your emotions in other ways until or unless you have better ways to do so.

 

It's a coping skill. Until or unless you develop a very robust set of other coping skills, it will be difficult if not impossible for you to stop.

 

But it's never hopeless.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I had a therapist tell me one time if I wanted to cut I should just do it. I was really upset by this until I asked him why he said that to me. He said he didn't want to be another person who told me to stop and judged me. Anyways, I completely missed his point in the moment and until I brought it up I didn't understand why he said it.

Maybe ask why your tdoc said these comments as this continues to upset you. They were rude and insensitive. It's difficult.

You deserve treatment and ill feelings towards your tdoc might make you have more difficulty working on your issues.

Wish you well. :)

Edited by Katie2010
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I think that you should tell your tdoc that you're still upset by that comment. You can mention how you're working towards recovery and that you found it really unsupportive if you like, too.

 

Pink eye is rough! I'm glad that you've managed to get rid of that :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Anybody can change anything about themselves. First its deciding if you really want to change, second finding the motivation to continue to change, and finally following through with change.

 

Yes a behavior that seems ingrained will be more difficult, but not impossible. Self-injury is a symptom of mental illness, but its also just a behavior. Behaviors can change and if your tdoc doesnt believe you can, then its time to find somebody who believes in you.

 

Good luck..:)

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she told me that with as young as i was when i started, that it was so ingrained in me that i may never stop.

 

I think that's not helpful.  I think realistically you'll probably struggle with it for the rest of your life but I don't believe that you are damned to life of self hurt.  Think of how strong you are.  Remind yourself that you're a survivor.  Please don't give up hope.

 

And if this is all i have to look forward to then what's the point in staying here to see the future? 

 

The point of staying here is that you're alive and you have hope despite what some quack may say.  Therapists are here to give people hope, not take it away.

 

Motivation: my husband left my because it was to much for him to handle

 

Another way of looking at it was that he was too weak to be supportive.

 

 I have a hard time naming my feelings. To me they just are and they get to be to much.

 

Naming your feelings is key to overcoming self harm or any other self destructive behavior and that's part of a good therapist's job.

 

T.L.

Edited by T. L. Horse
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I had a therapist tell me one time if I wanted to cut I should just do it. I was really upset by this until I asked him why he said that to me. He said he didn't want to be another person who told me to stop and judged me. Anyways, I completely missed his point in the moment and until I brought it up I didn't understand why he said it.

 

 

I provide therapeutic services for gay and lesbian adolescences and I tell them the same thing although I use the word "need."  If they need to do it they're going to do it and shaming them isn't going to help.  Besides that we've put the subject on the table for discussion and that allows me to get them used to talking about it like anything else.  It's also allows me to check in with them about cutting each time I see them so I can gauge their general mood.  Remember that cutting can prevent adolescents, with their intense emotions, from doing much worse.

 

T. L.

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