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Hi everyone, I am glad to have found this site. I am a 40 year old woman. Starting at 19 I was a cutter, bipolar, clinically depressed, borderline personality, hospitalized over a dozen times, suicidal constantly, on every med they could think of, in a dysfunctional relationship etc etc. Then my alcoholic boyfriend and my mother died within a year and I accidently started over. Now I am married with a beautiful daughter. I try my damnest to give her a "normal" mother even though of course that doesn't exist! I have been at the same job for 9 years even though it is pretty menial in light of my education but oh well...I think I may finally have some stability in my life which is nice!! Actually some people have big dreams but my dream has only been of peace and stability in my life! Nobody and I mean nobody in my life right now knows all the details of my past, not even my husband, and it is probably better that way. But crazy does bubble up now and then and I need to find people who understand this.

P.S. I still am, and will probably always be, on meds. Good thing they are better now than they were :)

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I think that your terrifying ordeal, your survival, and the release that those two crucial deaths gave you, have granted you the right and the clarity to experience life in a totally diferent way.  The calm of stability is a precious gift and the gift of a daughter is a miracle.

 

Yep, the crazies do burble up now and then and is great to be able to share the loony bits with folk who have been there too.  Like you, I don't try to share all the details of the worst times with friends, family.and beloved husband.   The reasons for withholding the gory details do not come from shame or dishonesty but from the certain knowledge that such confronting knowledge would cause pain and panic in people that I dearly love,  And this would precipitate tensions and anxiety for everyone.                               

 

Ambition is more often a curse than a virtue, and I have attemptd to stay well clear of it too.  I trulybelieve that the purpose of life is only to survive with grace and generosity.      Good Luck

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Hello and Welcome to Crazyboards!

 

If you haven't already, please read the User Agreement to ensure we're all on the same page.

 

It sounds as though you've had a very turbulent past and I can definitely understand why you're looking for peace now.

 

I think you'll find CB to be a very supportive and informative site.

 

Take care.

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