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Coping With Being Yelled or Snapped At


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Every now and then, I make a big enough mistake in public to get snapped at by somebody around me. Most recently, a cop snapped at me when I was trying to file a police report and there was some confusion over my address. Last week, some of my coworkers snapped at me for asking too many questions (which I probably was, I can be very anxious and preoccupied with making sure I'm doing everything right) and it always makes me feel beyond awful. Sometimes it'll trigger a panic attack, sometimes I'll have to go somewhere and cry and try to calm down. Thus far my coping mechanisms have been to get myself alone (go to the bathroom, usually, if I'm in a public place), try to take some deep breaths, and remind myself that the feeling will pass. I really feel like this reinforces my fear of going outside and talking to people, and I'm wondering if anyone else has some tips or wants to share any experiences of dealing with negative social feedback. 

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Oh, wow. Your post so reflects what I am going through right now. My new boss (boyfriend's father) is intimidating as hell. I keep messing up at my job, and he is terse with me. We have Thanksgiving with them tomorrow and I am afraid he is going to make me cry. I think your tip of realizing that the feeling will pass is an excellent one. I find exercise to help release some of the scared feelings I have. I am extremely sensitive, and will cry and obsess over any sort of interpersonal altercation. I think part of it is that I feel it is all my fault, without acknowledging that maybe the person is being a jerk. I think placing some of the responsibility on the person who is being snappy might help. Sorry I don't have more ideas, but know that you are not the only one who feels this way.

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I dread having to ever find a new job for that very reason. I just don't do well with messing up at new things, I always feel stupid. Try to be nice to yourself and don't feel like you have to stay there if you hate it. There are always other jobs.

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If you'll excuse my fellow socially phobic soul, it's telling me that people ought not snap at each other like what you experienced.  I am very sorry that has happened to you, and I think it is normal to feel the recoil when it happens.

 

I was diagnosed with HFA at one point -- We autistics tend to have "snap at everyone" meltdowns on occasion, so I'm seeing what those around you were thinking, and it's their fault and not yours.  I think ADDers have them too. Ergo I conclude problem is probably on *THEIR* end and not yours. 

 

While I don't believe necessarily that "there are always other jobs", I do believe that you might be able to get away with rolling your eyes at the idiot who just melted down at you.  If you don't give into their pissy fit, you have a good chance of wearing them down back to sanity.

 

Best of luck!

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I'm sorry I missed this thread ... when someone is yelling at me I usually just stand there and let them yell, and get it over with.  Depending on the person, I will sometimes fight back (but that is fairly rare).  But when a person is yelling at me they usually stop faster than if I say my piece of it, so I let them yell. 

 

However after that happens, sometimes I will go and just cry (again, depends on the person who yelled at me).  But I need to be alone.  Other times I let them yell and don't respond because I know I am right in the matter and it isn't worth arguing about.

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All I can say, is that I totally relate. Fear of being yelled at or snapped at becomes a phobia for me, and I avoid it at all costs. I bend to what people want (and suppress what they don't) just so I don't get "in trouble." That said, I try to fight the urge to take it so personally and at least attempt to think logically about the situation. For instance, cops are generally cranky. That's not your fault. And that sucks that your coworkers got impatient, but they probably forgot about it immediately. I think it's great that your instinct is to get some time to yourself, breathe deeply, and remind yourself that it will pass. Hopefully this reinforces not the fear but your ability to cope with it.

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I have to relate a recent situation, to put things into perspective.  I was attempting to reserve a room for an hour-long conference with a corporate client, which was required for one of my grad school classes.  Unfortunately, the bitc... errm, secretary who was in charge of room reservations did not realize she forgot to send me the details of the reservations, and I was on the receiving end of her bad day:

 

Me: "So we have the room confirmed for 2:00 PM on December 4th, right?"

[24 hour pause]

Secretary: "Did I not confirm with you that you had the room at the time you requested earlier? Did you not send out an invitation to the rest of your group inviting them to the meeting?  It is not my job to confirm room reservations -- I just make them.  Thank you."

Me: "I am terribly sorry to have inconvenienced you.  I checked my records and unfortunately our faculty sponsor did not forward your confirmation of reservation to us.  I take it we do have the room for the aforementioned date and time.  Thank you for confirming and again, sorry for the inconvenience."

[48 hour pause, this time extremely awkward]

Secretary: "Oh okay, no worries.  I see the room booked at the date and time you stated."

 

Sometimes a bit of courtesy goes a long way with these idiots you have to deal with... :brooding:

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Some people are very sensitive when they yelled against them. It's never fun when someone is 'been drilled into the floor'. I always defend them (the sensitive people) and give people positive feedback. The sensitivity is mostly a extra symptom of another illness like Anxiety, depression or PSTD, ...

 

Antipsychotics can reduce this sensitivity.   :)

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  • 3 years later...

I don't have a feeling like that but I have a friend. She was diagnosed with Hyperthyroids and she has heart condition. Whenever she sees a poor people suffered or any minor problems she has she just cried a lot and no one could stop her fro subbing and when she's done, It seems like nothing happens. Actually she is taking maintenance of condition until. Do you think my friend has mental health disorder?

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