Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Would you say delusions are chosen or stumbled upon


Recommended Posts

Do we have any choice over our delusions.

I went into psychosis twice months for a period the first time was hell but the second time was actually, I thought I was a god and all that good stuff. I have a hard time telling if it was a card I was dealt of if I series of choices because the lines are kind of blurred when you are there

Edited by YKantLaurenRead
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't choose to have the delusions I had, but past experiences certainly influenced the themes. I tended towards paranoia, and I think that was a continuation of how I experienced my childhood. I felt constantly unsafe, vulnerable and afraid as a child who often experienced [seemingly random] bouts of pain from others, so that manifested itself in the content of the delusions. 

 

This literature review on the links between trauma and psychosis is pretty interesting: http://healingattention.org/documents/doc_litreviewpsychosis.pdf

 

While research is in its early days, anecdotally I've found that since focusing therapy sessions on past experiences, I haven't had any delusions and have been able to come off daily antipsychotics. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't choose to have the delusions I had, but past experiences certainly influenced the themes. I tended towards paranoia, and I think that was a continuation of how I experienced my childhood. I felt constantly unsafe, vulnerable and afraid as a child

I agree on past experiences influencing the themes of delusions

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Disclaimer: I have bipolar I with psychosis.

I didn't choose to have the delusions I had, but past experiences certainly influenced the themes.

I would agree with this, for myself. I always had a sense of mistrust for other people ever since I was a child (long story short: my father is a piece of shit), and my main delusion when I was psychotic was that my friends, family, classmates, and neighbors could hear my thoughts and were all connected in a plot against me. I would hear them whispering about me outside my door, then go look through the peephole and find that no one was there. I also was convinced at one point that my friends had been replaced by "copies" and weren't really my friends. 

 

I can't say conclusively that it's connected, but it seems to be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Do we have any choice over our delusions.

 

I don't think I do.  However, when a delusion comes to mind, the way I interpret it will be kind of like a choice as to what happens next in that line of delusional thinking.

 

I also believe past experiences I have had, have influenced the delusions and what they are about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't choose to have delusions but they are influenced by what I know. I had aspects of a delusion that was like the "Truman Show".  This type of delusion has been studied.

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22640240

 

There was more to it and it grew more complex with different loose associations

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I definitely agree on past experiences influencing the themes of delusions, and would go so far as to even suggest or question if other childhood events even good ones played a role. We always hear about the bad childhood experiences and I don't doubt that at all but wonder why not any childhood experience even pleasant ones not influence us in some way. I grew up with a verry religious aunt and she had a shrine in her bedroom and dragged me to church every other day, my very first hallucination was when I was 8 years old, I seen my shirt hanging on my chair levitate and told my aunt and she smiled and said oh that's just my guardian angel. She was a bit crazy, but I loved her. Then in my early 20's I met a actual Manson family follower, not one of the originals of course but this was the early 70's and he was one of the ones that came after the arrest and trial. Any way he gave me that whole Manson rap about how he was a "Magic Man" and how rock music was controlled by God, that has become a prominent theme for me thru the years, music on the radio some times comes alive and speaks to me personally, and I too have experienced the Truman Show experience a number of times too! And that was way before the movie came out, makes u wonder if the creator ever experienced it too. So yea, I do believe our past experiences influence our delusions. They don't always have to be bad or scary, or from child abuse. Just my 2 cents.

Edited by IndieVisible
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think I have any control over what delusions I have. But, I'm certain that there were some religious influences in my main delusion.

 

I have a recurring delusion that the sun is a god and is trying to get me to kill myself so he can recycle my soul. Sounds pretty whacked, and it is, but I think it was influenced by my Christian upbringing. The sun (in my delusion) is an all-knowing, powerful god, and has powerful wrath. However, the sun was also benevolent at times and like a father. Just like the God of Christianity. I thought that the sun was sending shadow people and sparkles to torment me into killing myself. But I also thought that once I did kill myself, there would be eternal glory for me. So... even though it's a rather loose association (which is common in psychosis actually), I think my delusion was tied to my Christian upbringing, being taught to fear god, the father and be willing to die for him. 

 

I also had delusions that people could hear my thoughts and that my thoughts were leaking out of the top of my head. Dunno if that was influenced by anything. As well, I had a delusion that everyone could just "understand" me by looking in my eyes. Both of these delusions are pretty common. However, I have no idea if anything influenced them for me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was working I would hallucinate in terms  of stresses in my job. I worked at a hospital doing IT. Code Blues (when a patient stops breathing) would be announced over the loud speaker and they would come closer and closer to my office. I feared I would be next. We also had a large server room where all of the hard drivers were. I swear the noises from there would get louder and louder until I couldnt think anymore. Also when the noise got bad the walls would breath in and out.

 

All but the paranoia went away where I quit working.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I definitely agree on past experiences influencing the themes of delusions, and would go so far as to even suggest or question if other childhood events even good ones played a role. 

 

This wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. To me, it seems that delusions are not isolated occurrences but are informed by experiences that have made a strong impact on the mind - both good and bad. One thing I found interesting as I explored the history of my delusions was the link between the themes and my experiences. I didn't realise the link until I started talking about my childhood, and my therapist at the time noted the correlations. Until then, my delusions felt random.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me the content of delusions is quite insignificant. What was more important was the overall drive .... My need for escapism, self-soothing you name it was the reason behind it.

The psychotic episodes went untreated for years, and given my social isolation no one was there to help me out. Being a conspiracy nut, my mother actually fuelled my paranoia and psychosis further still. I would trawl through conspiracy and porn sites to get some kind of gratification and this would fuel my delusions further still.

I would use any information, both real time and in the past to create an alternative reality. The initial trigger for me was when I lost my job. Given the way I was misled by my former boss, I was convinced that I didn't really lose the job and that I was in some sort of game.

Any one see that movie - the game? Well that's what I believed I was experiencing. As time progressed and it became self-evident that this was no longer some training scheme, I started to believe that all these bad things were happening to me because of some grand illuminati scheme to take over the world, and that I was related to the queen of England through my part German roots.

Even though the duke of Kent is effectively the head of freemasonry, I was convinced that he was simply a puppet and unaware about what was going on. Naturally, through their communion with demons I naturally presumed that Freemasons - at least at the higher level were capable of channelling into other peoples' thought processes.

The whole thing can become very elaborate as you can see. In effect the delusions will shift and continuously change - at least in my case. Any material will be used to ensure the psyche's prime objective to self soothe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...