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Another Statistic


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I'm new here and want to introduce myself. FYI, definite trigger warnings ahead.

I'm 28, male, and I live in a small town in Washington state. I was first diagnosed with depression in the first grade and after a lot of medication changes I found one that worked. During my pre-teens my doctor allowed me to stop taking my medications and all was good until 2010 when I became extremely depressed and suicidal. I've voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric hospital three times and at this point I get the feeling they're tired of seeing me.

I haven't worked since the end of April of this year. I have a poor job history as one might expect. I have been homeless twice through this period and have been seeing a counselor thanks to the Medicaid I qualify for (which I never thought I would need in a million years). She's very empathetic and she seems to understand my issues but I'm frustrated about my situation without any ability to change things at the moment. I've recently taken up self harm (cutting) as a way to deal and I've been thinking of switching to burning myself because I think I can handle the pain better. Yeah, I'm really messed up.

I either sleep twelve to sixteen hour days or stay up am excessive amount of time. I've recently taken up art journaling as a coping mechanism but it doesn't seem to be as effective as the self harm.

I survived a suicide attempt and am very much wishing I could change those circumstances. I guess I'm here because I need to be among people that just "get it." My social anxiety has become worse through all of this and I'm always worrying about what people are saying or thinking about me which only feeds into the depression. Life just pretty much sucks.

I'm thinking I might have to pursue trying to get SSDI even though it is a long shot. I'd much rather be stable and be able to have a normal job but right now it doesn't seem to be in the cards. I wish I could just cry and get all of these feelings out of me but I haven't been able to cry since my younger days.

Thanks for letting me vent and allowing me to introduce myself. Hopefully we'll make it through this journey together in a better place. Read into that what you will.

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Welcome to Crazyboards.  It sounds like you have been having a really difficult time.  I'm glad you have a counselor and I hope she can help you to achieve some level of stability.

 

I ask all new members to read the rules.  You might have done that when you signed up.  If not, give them a read when you get a chance.

 

I hope we can offer you some friendship and support.

 

olga

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