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How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

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Just now, Blahblah said:

Good news! That's gotta feel better to be organized. It can actually clear your mental state when everything is neatly in place. But yeah i hate it when you're exhausted and then just lay there for hours not falling asleep.

I can always get to sleep, thank goodness! It’s just staying that way. Lunesta alone used to do it. Now I’m on 4 things and still...oh well. I hope your future worries turn out to be all for naught. 💗

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Okayish. Today was good. I dropped some things off at the charity shop, stopped at the vape shop and chatted with the vape nerd behind the counter who was telling me why my ecig setup is shite. VOOPOO Drag 2 is apparently the best thing going. I only went in to see if they had a replacement for my broken drip tip (Yeah I know. Drip tip 🤣). Then walking home I passed my neighbour's young daughters, and one of them sticks her tongue out at me and I laugh. And another one asks what my name is, I reply and ask what her name is. She runs away to Granny who's standing by the door. Awwww! Isn't life wonderful?

Then I get home and close the door and start to think how I fucked everything up. I wasn't friendly enough to those kids. I was probably weird and the tone of voice with which I said "What's your name?" was probably wrong. The vape store guy hated me because I didn't buy anything and the stuff I gave to charity was just crap that I didn't want, so don't go thinking you're a good person. This is the sort of crap I have to deal with. It didn't go as far as it has in the past. I'm a social failure and I should've said... oh fuck it I should just kill myself. But way to ruin anything positive. Can't have me feeling happy or anything can we.

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Every nerve in my body just misfired simultaneously because I didn’t even know the dog was by my feet until he licked between my bare toes oh god somebody killlmeeee....!

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13 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

Okayish. Today was good. I dropped some things off at the charity shop, stopped at the vape shop and chatted with the vape nerd behind the counter who was telling me why my ecig setup is shite. VOOPOO Drag 2 is apparently the best thing going. I only went in to see if they had a replacement for my broken drip tip (Yeah I know. Drip tip 🤣). Then walking home I passed my neighbour's young daughters, and one of them sticks her tongue out at me and I laugh. And another one asks what my name is, I reply and ask what her name is. She runs away to Granny who's standing by the door. Awwww! Isn't life wonderful?

Then I get home and close the door and start to think how I fucked everything up. I wasn't friendly enough to those kids. I was probably weird and the tone of voice with which I said "What's your name?" was probably wrong. The vape store guy hated me because I didn't buy anything and the stuff I gave to charity was just crap that I didn't want, so don't go thinking you're a good person. This is the sort of crap I have to deal with. It didn't go as far as it has in the past. I'm a social failure and I should've said... oh fuck it I should just kill myself. But way to ruin anything positive. Can't have me feeling happy or anything can we.

Please try to see through the lies you’re buying into. Your brain is being a fucker and you’re only making one mistake, which is listening to it. Please try to challenge it and pay attention to the origin from whence the thoughts came. 

Everyone here loves you and at least half if not many more would love to give you a great big hug. 

🤗 

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Posted (edited)

Anxious. Relieved. Accomplished. Optimistic. 

I had helpers (volunteers) come in yesterday, and asked for help organizing my main walk-in closet. It went from nightmare to pure bliss! I wish I had taken a before pic because the difference is nothing short of astonishing! 

Deplin (even though my lab value was in normal range), seems to be helping me in miraculous ways! Well, generic form. I just wish I could afford it without it dipping into my food budget every month. 😐 

Question to the single folks: how much is your monthly food budget set at?

I need to see how mine compares. I’m going to have to use food pantries this month, which is extremely humbling and a bit embarrassing. 

Oh well... it’s kinda well worth it cause I’ve never been able to get Abby on her walks before 9 am and have done so now for a good week!

uh oh. Rambling again. 

But one last thing! I’m also just about completely done with cleaning the grime part of my apartment, and 75% of my clutter and organizing is done! 

Yay, L-Methylfolate!

EDIT: I want to add a picture of my new closet and so WISH I’d taken a before shot!

 

 

454D4FCF-D5AA-41D4-91FC-973E1D04F0CC.jpeg

Edited by DammitJanet
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that closet is gorgeous.  I wish I had that type of skill.  I'm lucky to get things into shelves and on hangers rather than on top of a dresser.

 

I'm reasonably calm.  I'm starting to feel like this episode might be passing.  I'm still anxious about job stuff, but a bit less so.

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48 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

that closet is gorgeous.  I wish I had that type of skill.  I'm lucky to get things into shelves and on hangers rather than on top of a dresser.

 

I'm reasonably calm.  I'm starting to feel like this episode might be passing.  I'm still anxious about job stuff, but a bit less so.

Thanks, and I’m glad you’re starting to feel better. 💗

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My leg is aching today. Slept better last night, but I"m still sleepy. Somewhat depressed especially over my situation.

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Bored and somewhat disappointed, waiting for husband to return to hotel from 40 mile bike ride. Rainy and yucky.

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Sleepy. Leg seems to be worse today. I hope I didn't do anything to make it worse.

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6 hours ago, jt07 said:

Sleepy. Leg seems to be worse today. I hope I didn't do anything to make it worse.

Go back and have it looked at again. This is too serious to be ignoring. Worrisome. 

Wondering if I’m stumbling into some godawful mood cycle. Sleep has suddenly gone haywire (worse than usual), mood funks coming and going. Ugh. 

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Posted (edited)

Mornings seem to be very good lately, but I’m often slipping downhill by afternoon. Not always, but at least sometimes. 

I’m hoping to be able to get more housework done today, but yesterday was a complete fail. 

So, pretty anxious. 

Update: took Abby on her walk and as usual I don’t get energized from it. I get totally exhausted and grouchy. 😆 

ugh

Edited by DammitJanet

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@jt07 how's the leg now? i was thinking about you this morning. i hope it's not worse again.

i'm feeling okay mentally and a bit shitty physically. i have cramps and a sore hip. unsure what i could have done to the hip -- i had lower back pain yesterday (not too unusual for me) but this morning i found it had migrated. 

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Posted (edited)

Out of sorts, and kind of toggling between unaccountably angry, and depressive, and wanting there to be quiet even though my son is home from school and wants to watch TV, which suggests mixed to me, but I don't really know what to think anymore.

Edited by Unstrung Harp

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Relatively calm given the circumstances.  Trying to not let them get the better of me.  Handling the fact that I woke up at 430 (after getting 7.5 hours sleep, so it’s not a problem as much as annoyance).

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Day two of feeling craptastic. Was ok this am, til I took Abby for her walk and the rest of the day has been shit. Headache is severe, neck and shoulders bad pain in muscles, exhausted, and this am developed a few sores on my tongue? 

And now feeling depressed AF and didn’t get a thing done in my apartment. Dishes are already piled high. 

Construction was louder and longer than ever today. 

Id rather just not exist atm. 

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39 minutes ago, DammitJanet said:

Day two of feeling craptastic. Was ok this am, til I took Abby for her walk and the rest of the day has been shit. Headache is severe, neck and shoulders bad pain in muscles, exhausted, and this am developed a few sores on my tongue? 

And now feeling depressed AF and didn’t get a thing done in my apartment. Dishes are already piled high. 

Construction was louder and longer than ever today. 

Id rather just not exist atm. 

Sorry DJ. Wishing you a better evening. ❤️

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2 minutes ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

Sorry DJ. Wishing you a better evening. ❤️

Thanks cheese. 

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11 hours ago, echolocation said:

@jt07 how's the leg now? i was thinking about you this morning. i hope it's not worse again.

 

Thanks for thinking of me and for askingl My leg was doing better until today when I had to run a number of errands. I took a few missteps and now my leg is hurting again. I hope it will be back in shape tomorrow. Except for today, I try to stay off it as much as possible.

I'm still in this sleep mode where I am sleepy all the time even despite my stimulant.

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Emotional, overwhelmed and tired. Pdoc is changing up my meds and I hope it makes a positive difference.

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