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How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

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Not as tired as I want to be.  Waking up at 5:30am tomorrow means I should be falling asleep any minute.  My brain has desired to fight that.

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Physically I feel sick. Don't know what's wrong but I'm not feeling well at all. Also, my leg hurts. Emotionally, I'm gripped by health anxiety.

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Been in and out of sleep all day. Been having nightmares all day. I feel very disoriented. I feel psychologically damaged. 

Well, I feel like running away. But I know that's not the answer. Because "wherever you go, there you are". I can't escape myself. I just want a moment of peace. I have none of that.

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I’m getting very lucky with sleep the last couple of nights. 8 hours again last night!

srill having racing thoughts and pressured speech and intense desire to spend and really wanting to drive to California to visit my father’s grave (never have and didn’t get to go to his funeral) and want to leave a long letter there with all of the things he did that killed my ability to have any kind of meaningful relationship with a man. 

Other than that, I’m a little less motivated to do stuff...want to restart krill oil but don’t want to get worse but jesus did I get a lot done while on that stuff. 

Groggy from Seroquel and pissed I’m not losing more weight because of being on it with TONS of effort and counting every calorie. 

Ok done rambling. 

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Trying to fight the afternoon sleepies to squeak out a half hour more of work. 

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Better today. I found out that I'm addicted to caffeine. Without caffeine, I feel sick physically and want to sleep all the time and emotionally I feel dysphoric. Got my Mountain Dew today and things started to come together in a good way.

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Posted (edited)

pretty good, but i have a painful, monster zit brewing on my chin, one of those really red angry ones that doesn't come to a head. i'm grumpy about it.

also @jt07, how's it feel to have hit 22,000 posts? :D 

Edited by echolocation

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5 hours ago, jt07 said:

Better today. I found out that I'm addicted to caffeine. Without caffeine, I feel sick physically and want to sleep all the time and emotionally I feel dysphoric. Got my Mountain Dew today and things started to come together in a good way.

I can relate to this...I have a few cups of coffee per day and I don't wanna know how much worse i'd feel without it!

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7 hours ago, echolocation said:

pretty good, but i have a painful, monster zit brewing on my chin, one of those really red angry ones that doesn't come to a head. i'm grumpy about it.

Lean over a sink with hot steamy water with a towel over your head keeping the steam in. And hot compresses.

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Dysphoric, worried. I feel like a failure and completely incapable today....I don't know what will help.

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Went to the food pantry yesterday so it was very nice waking up to lots of stuff to eat. Was getting down to eating tons of very high calorie rice and other cheap high calorie stuff, but wasn’t feeling full a lot of the time so kept eating even more high calorie stuff! Anyway, I’m feeling grateful and content. 

Racing thoughts and pressured speech are slowing down some which is fortunate for one person here who listens to me rambling on and on in PM’s. 😆 

I’m keeping up with housework for now as I really don’t want to ever get to that point again. Whole apartment is scrubbed and 90% organized. 

Peace. 

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Stressed out about the heat and being able to get Abby out on her walks in it...

and construction is now full force right beneath my apt and won’t be done until mid July!

Also they gave us not even a days notice that we can no longer receive packages that won’t fit in our tiny mailboxes anymore until mid July...effective immediately. So the package I have coming on the 30th won’t be coming here...hoping the post office will have a solution. 

So feeling extremely stressed out and anxious about too many things this morning!

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Posted (edited)

Severe effing headache from this pos construction and having to get to the doctor in this heat.  Barely any sleep last night again  

Poor abby was a wreck when I walked in. 

I’m beyond irritable and am scared it’s gonna get worse. 😐

Edited by DammitJanet
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Somewhat less anxious.  I credit meeting with a former college classmate who works at my new employer.  I also credit Xanax.

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