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How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

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Exhausted. Stayed up until 2am obsessing about a stupid cover letter and CV. Re-reading it, re-formatting, tweaking it for HOURS.

Read the company website and job description multiple times. Is this an OCD thing? Like if I spend hours pouring over something, its going to make it perfect. Pffffft. Ridiculous. Nothing is good enough....

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32 minutes ago, Blahblah said:

Exhausted. Stayed up until 2am obsessing about a stupid cover letter and CV. Re-reading it, re-formatting, tweaking it for HOURS.

Read the company website and job description multiple times. Is this an OCD thing? Like if I spend hours pouring over something, its going to make it perfect. Pffffft. Ridiculous. Nothing is good enough....

I think it's natural to be a little obsessive about job application materials, particularly if you've been out of the job market for a while. Wishing you luck.

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Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, Lapis.Lazuli said:

I haven't slept 

Please call your doc and let them know what you're feeling now.....I'm worried about you...!!

Edited by CrazyRedhead

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I feel somewhat dazed right now. Oldest kiddo was visiting with her partner for the past few days, they just left to go back home, taking my youngest kiddo and our small high-maintenance pup with them (4 hours away). I will have blissful silence and solitude for the next 6 days til I pick the kiddo and pup back up. It already feels weird. But needed. 

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Posted (edited)

I’m sitting in the parking lot trying to regroup...this day started yet again with too little sleep, then got my head yelled off while walking Abby on the university track so it was a lovely beginning.

Had to wait a total of 1.2 hours just to get emissions test done...

went to Walmart while still in an enormous anxiety bout due to starting the day with getting yelled at, and  I loathe Walmart but neeeeeded a few very inexpensive food items as I’m ridiculously broke this month due to 100 dollar car registration leaving me with 75 bucks for food ...and they were out of FIVE of the things I desperately need to stock up on before money runs out. In a few days. For the month. 

Sooo I’m feeling extremely anxious, scared about having no money, and dread seeing this screamy woman again who lives in my building  

oh...and just found out last night that I’m being moved to a different apartment and POSSIBLY a gd MOTEL for 2 months while they freakin renovate!

thank goodness Xanax is kicking in...😑

Now that this day is 3/4 way done, I just can’t deal. 

This has been the day from f*cking hell. 

😢

Edited by DammitJanet
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Saw the doctor today about my broken leg. She said that I can start putting a little weight on the leg with the goal to be able to put my entire weight on it in one month. She was really happy with the x-ray so I guess it's good news.

I'm sleepy. I got very little sleep last night due to the fact that I was worried about the doctor appointment.

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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Lapis.Lazuli said:

 Would it be possible for you to edit your post and edit out the part where you quoted me? I don't like reading what I wrote...

I edited out all of your quote except the first few words.....Hope that's okay......I do still think you need to talk to pdoc about what you're going through.

Edited by CrazyRedhead
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Blurgh. Have to go to an expo at my kid's school soon while in the throws of an anxiety event that is not responding to Xanax. Was trying to meditate to a panic meditation I find calming, but kept getting texts from a friend I don't frequently talk to and thus felt compelled to respond to. I feel completely squirrely and don't want to be around a bunch of parents right now. Plus I feel gross and disheveled and so will feel like people are judging me the whole time.

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Double blurgh. Went to son's school for an expo on his capstone project, which is basically a retrospective of all of the kids' middle school experiences as they prepare to move on to high school. Looking at lots of kids' scrapbooks and memory boxes and sentimental videos while feeling emotionally vulnerable and loaded down with a Benzo wondering how my baby is about to go to high school was an emotional ordeal, as much as I enjoyed their work. My favorite part though was Junior Harplet's friend's book which was all amusing quotes from Junior Harplet called "Everybody Loves [insert his name]."

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Posted (edited)

I’m going to crack. I can’t deal with people gossiping about me, lying about me to mgmt saying I don’t pick up after Abby...I am obsessive about picking every tiny shred of waste she creates. 

People in this building are making my life hell. I need to move so so so bad. With no money to. 

Feeling extremely anxious, paranoid, stressed. 

Not to mention the gd construction noise!

And the fact that they’re talking about making me stay in a motel for 10 weeks beginning July fifth for construction. 

This belongs in a blog, doesn’t it...sorry. 

Now, suddenly feeling very depressed. 

Edited by DammitJanet
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Posted (edited)

More anxious than I’ve been in a really long time.

 

Also, incompetent and unsure of myself.  Which is probably a big contributing factor to the anxiety.  And somewhat irritable.

Edited by dancesintherain
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Ok. Better than earlier.

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Frustrated and trying not to be irritable because of it. Last minute stuff that cropped up that I have to take care of, and I’m frustrated because I want more than anything to simply be left alone so I can have my routine of early rising/work all day/evening routine. This is NOT the way I wanted the summer to start. 

At least enough things have come up for the next few months that travel is no longer possible to Texas. That was something I was dreading, and it’s off the table for now. Trying to focus on that. 

I really really really hate my routine being fucked with. 

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Much more grounded.  I sent an email to my tdoc last night that I was in tears because of feeling incompetent and asking if he had five minutes to talk today or tomorrow (I don’t cry easily).  He replied late last night that he was traveling today but that he could make something work given that I was available all day.  He just asked for my number to call me.

this morning when I saw it, I said “it’s okay, I’ll be fine.”  That followed by an “if you still have time, here’s my number.”  And that was followed by a nevermind.

he called anyway (perhaps my waffling was obvious that there was a problem) and it just helped to talk through things.  He gave some perspective about new jobs, expectations, and reminded me of some helpful things I had been told by coworkers before.  We ended up concluding that I would try not to punish myself for feeling this way (he mentioned rewarding myself, but I said neutral was a more feasible goal and to remind myself that I’m not the only one likely to be in this position.

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Posted (edited)

Talk about hating routine being messed with...I don’t know if I mentioned this already, but the other day I got a 1 month notice that they’ll be moving my and the 3 floors above me to speed up the renovation process, and several of us will be made to stay in a motel!

For the 10 weeks! 

I called and asked pdoc to write a letter saying how detrimental that would be to my mental health...they probably won’t give a sh*t...

Sooooo I’m feeling terrified , anxious, pissed, but grateful this morning I slept for a full 7.4 hours. YAY!

Sigh. 

Edit: Was wondering why my mood went straight off a cliff a couple of hours ago...just got home from an errand to find my Viibryd lying on the floor!

Somehow it got down there instead of my belly. 

So glad Abby didn’t get it. 

Edited by DammitJanet

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