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How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

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I feel slightly human after coffees and breakfast, but sleep has been complete shit. Pdoc tomorrow, but neither of us like the idea of a formal sleep med. seroquel had to go because of a racing heart, not that it was meant for sleep to begin with, but it helped a little. Right now I’m just on lithium, thinking I might need to bring another mood stabilizer on board. Tired of playing this stupid game.

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Tired, lazy, apathetic all day. Barely anything productive accomplished. Not even hungry enough to eat substantially. Not much changed lately except increasing Effexor so I'm thinking that is the culprit. Stupid meds and their annoying side effects.

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Emotionally bad off, triggered and sad. Want to roll into a ball and sleep, but I can never nap anymore because my thoughts churn when I try.

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Tonight I’m feeling triumphant. Woke up at 5am and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I did work! Then, I got my head shrunk, which helped my mental space, did most of the things on my to-do list including most of the phone calls that I put on my list every day and never do, and then I went to spin class, where I did not die or fall off the bike (and according to my app burned 880 calories). I declare the day a success.

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In the absence of any concrete feelings which can be relied upon when I wake up in the morning I try to be as constant as I can, which means being monosyllabic and boring. If you can't make sense to yourself then what can you possibly be to anyone else? But you can become trapped in other people's perceptions of you. Oh whatever. Boing boing! I hate everything and want to kill myself. Or I did yesterday or the day before but not today. One of those is the real me.

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Bit pissy

 

Decided to finally get blood tests today, that were ordered a month or so ago. 

 

Drank lots of water. Fasted. Skipped morning coffee. Skipped second morning coffee. Skipped 4 waking hours of coffee until pathology opened at 8am.

 

She couldn't get any blood. Found veins o.k. Just no flow. Got maybe 1/2 a ml.

 

Probably because I was out the front waiting in 5°C half an hour before they opened. 

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I feel pretty good.   For the moment.  I will take it.   My moods have been labile lately. 

Learned that word (labile) from an old Tdoc.   Pretty slick word.   Word. 

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14 minutes ago, dragonfly23 said:

I feel pretty good.   For the moment.  I will take it.   My moods have been labile lately. 

Learned that word (labile) from an old Tdoc.   Pretty slick word.   Word. 

I feel pretty impressive when I use that word too.

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I feel really bored. Alone at home. Have been alone all day, other than the dog. Trying to watch TV but it’s not seizing my attention.

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Exhausted. Went to bed really late again and couldn't get up. I know how important regular sleep times are for me, so feeling like sh*t all around. It's gonna be a "take extra ritalin & coffee just to function" kind of day. 😩

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Made it to gym. Man was it intense, didn't realize it'd be like a HIT class. Body hurts & muscles tingling, but mind is calm. I'm glad I went. Now if I can just stay up and not fall into bed I'm so sleepy & totally relaxed now 😴

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Exhausted physically. It was a much less humid day, and sunny. Mowed the front and back this evening, and did all the weedeating. I’m glad I pushed myself to do it, it was really the last thing I felt like doing. 

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Hypo?  I think not.  But one other disagrees.  I think he is just a lazy ass. 

Lots to do and it got done as well as a ton of other stuff. 😀😀😀

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Unfortunately anxiety has set in as I try to wind down for sleep to get to 6am yoga. Sunday night always seems to bring on the anxiety. 

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@Unstrung Harp Hope your day goes well. 6am for Yoga? That is impressive. I could barely get up that early if my life depended on it. I hurt from the gym, but otherwise OK.

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4 hours ago, Blahblah said:

@Unstrung Harp Hope your day goes well. 6am for Yoga? That is impressive. I could barely get up that early if my life depended on it. I hurt from the gym, but otherwise OK.

I don’t always make it, but when I do I feel like a rock star. And then am exhausted for the rest of the day.

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23 minutes ago, Unstrung Harp said:

I don’t always make it, but when I do I feel like a rock star. And then am exhausted for the rest of the day.

This is how I feel after my 530 am walk with Abby. It’s very difficult to get myself to go...but the guilt I feel if I don’t get Abby her exercise, is too great, and feel bad all day. Also the walk seems to boost my mood for awhile...in fact, my mood is just worse if I don’t do it. 

———

Still feeling shit this morning, and I’m under way too much stress from several issues that are going on. Also, having to rely on Seroquel to sleep, in order to get back to baseline, is extremely frustrating due to the insatiable hunger. 

Just hoping I can get my fucking data to work on my phone somehow before I leave to do errands this morning or I won’t be able to use my maps app, and won’t be able to get half of those errands done! Stupid Safelink. 

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54 minutes ago, DammitJanet said:

 Still feeling shit this morning, and I’m under way too much stress from several issues that are going on. Also, having to rely on Seroquel to sleep, in order to get back to baseline, is extremely frustrating due to the insatiable hunger. 

Sorry to hear about all the stress going on........How long will you have to take the Seroquel?

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3 hours ago, CrazyRedhead said:

Sorry to hear about all the stress going on........How long will you have to take the Seroquel?

As long as it takes to figure out something else to sleep. Which has been going on for a good 1.5 years now. Not much hope. 

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