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How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

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Posted (edited)

Very lazy... but calm. things feel like too much effort. Can't be bothered today, OK otherwise.

Edited by Blahblah

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I'm tired and unfocused and thinking about things/people I don't want to think about.

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I don't need as much sleep 4 hrs feel fine. Crap on a stick

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Frustrated that every time I have tried to nap for six months unpleasant thoughts about someone I can’t get out of my head come rushing in and I can’t sleep.

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Calm and lazy again... time to plan weekend, much to do. Must start going to the gym.

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Frustrated. Today was supposed to be uninterrupted studio work, and the fucking neighbor next door hired guys to do yard work. Constant. Goddamn. Drone of chain saws. My desk faces his house. 

Apparently I'm not the only one in a bad mood, cars constantly honking horns at the light. Only 7 more hours til bedtime 🤯

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I've been in a funk most of the day, and replaying negative tapes about something in my brain all day. And I've realized that it may be partly because my niece asked me to look at some Emails between her and her estranged friend, and there's a lot of hostility from the friend, and it brought up a lot of stuff for me about my estranged friendship that caused everything to come crashing in today emotionally. So I maybe need to be a shitty friend to her and tell her I can't really handle looking at that stuff right now for my own mental health, until I come to some place of peace about my own relationship. Boundaries are hard some times. Also, I'm due for my monthly migraine preventative shot and I keep getting headaches.

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Pretty good 

 

I socialised yesterday. Visited my sister, to help with some stuff. Had kitty time.

I'm a dog person. But still nice. 

 

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Posted (edited)

Emotionally encumbered. Hoping that going out gets my mind off things.

Edited by Unstrung Harp

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Finally, getting some majorly large shit out of my house. The clutter of large furniture that I never wanted in the first place has been an overwhelming mental weight. Mostly I’m not even looking to make money, just please, take it. I want the memories out, I think I’ll breathe easier.

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Avoidant. Lazy. Listened to music all day (like I used to do as a child). Managed to clean the apartment, but didn't even go outside. I feel bad about that...I really need to get out.

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1 hour ago, Blahblah said:

Avoidant. Lazy. Listened to music all day (like I used to do as a child). Managed to clean the apartment, but didn't even go outside. I feel bad about that...I really need to get out.

That's amazingly good you got your apartment cleaned! I haven't really cleaned in months. Our home is filthy. It makes me sad.

 

 

I'm ok but very suspicious and worried over this new private clinic. I don't know what to make of their discrepancies in paper and language/ what they have said verbally. They seem to want things from me. To get info and money and more from me to report me to the government for "stealing" from the government. I don't like this. I don't want to go elsewhere for therapy. I want to stay where I was, at the county clinic. I don't want my tdoc to leave.

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17 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

That's amazingly good you got your apartment cleaned! I haven't really cleaned in months. Our home is filthy. It makes me sad

Haha..you don't know how small my apartment is!! (1 room basically) I don't even really have a kitchen. I basically just swiffer the floor (with santizing cleaner pad thingy) and clean/dust the desk/dresser top. Though I did scrub/dry dishes and put them away (I don't have a dishwasher either).

Made it to gym today, it's been a year, just signed up...Folks, never underestimate the power of intense exercise 🙂 That is if you can make yourself go (the toughest part)

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@Hume's doona is that you and your sister in the fourth picture? you both have beautiful smiles!

i have a day off to myself for the first time in months. it feels wonderful. i went to my second job yesterday with the intention of talking to my boss about quitting, but then she and my coworkers had this long conversation about how great it was that i come in once a week and how it takes such a weight off of them... pretty hard to quit after you've just been told how much you're needed and appreciated.

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Really emotional and down today, with the loops going through my head. I am despairing of ever feeling better.

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13 hours ago, echolocation said:

@Hume's doona is that you and your sister in the fourth picture? you both have beautiful smiles!

i have a day off to myself for the first time in months. it feels wonderful. i went to my second job yesterday with the intention of talking to my boss about quitting, but then she and my coworkers had this long conversation about how great it was that i come in once a week and how it takes such a weight off of them... pretty hard to quit after you've just been told how much you're needed and appreciated.

yeah, i'm the one with chin stubble, obviously :)

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