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How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

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1 hour ago, MiaB said:

Claustrophobic. Hemmed in. Panicked. I was honest with my pdoc today and walked out having to agree to a contract of close monitoring, daily check-ins and a limit on how many meds I can get at one time. It's that or inpatient. 

I’m sorry Mia. Thinking of you. I’m guessing one more daily check-in would be the last thing you want, but keep us posted on how you’re doing. 

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@MiaB i'm glad your pdoc is looking out for you. it's hard to be honest. you did good telling them the truth. thinking of you and hoping things settle down soon.

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The old injury to my sacroiliac joint has been woken and is screaming. No position is comfortable. How high up your spine can and epidural injection be placed? Can I self-administer another when one wears off?

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Stuck in my head. Guess that's something that behavior not meds will address.

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Better today. Car is fixed...sans the transmission fluid needing changed badly. Finally slept very well last night.  Anxious cause it’s maid day and I’m getting sick of the rudeness. If it happens again today, I’m docking the tip I can’t afford anyway. 

Glad I'm seeing tdoc tomorrow. 

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exhausted.

mood has evened out again, mostly not that it was bad, but it was in a weird state. minor cycle? rumination still there, but also decreasing. 

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Mentally worn. It’s been an insanely busy week out of an insanely busy month. It’s all winding down hopefully.

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Mr. Harplet and Harplet are fighting over the wifi, and I am having a beer. Harplet is seeming to be hyperventilating/crying because she’s so upset. Just another night.

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Emptiness. Back from 2 week holiday, back to reality. Travel is my only respite (sun & sea), but life can't be all about jet-setting travel holidays.

Also major imposter syndrome and guilt. Like, maybe I don't have severe depression. Voices tell me I'm just lazy and pathetic, it's all an excuse. Admittedly, because of the above (and other things) I lead what many consider a privileged, comfortable life. This leads to such guilt and shame. That I'm a weak failure.

 

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Slept well for the 2nd or 3rd night in a row. Very content. Proud of myself for giving Abby an extra long walk, and forcing myself into the pool even with extreme anxiety...god the pool is bliss, and my body is getting a better shape from it and the easy calories burnt is a great feeling. 

Worried about someone, so that may increase my anxiety for today...hopefully I’ll hear from them soon. 

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I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt this depressed. It’s reached the point where not only is the lamictal not helping me, but I think it actually might be making me more depressed with the higher dose. 

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@Unstrung Harp, I’m sorry you feel so bad. Can you see your pdoc soon?

I feel itchy. It’s coming on to ragweed season, damn it.

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