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Obsessive relentless anxiety and worry, been more neurotic than normal last couple weeks.  Plus my throat hurts.  And I feel like everyone in the world thinks I am useless and no good even if I have no evidence to support the idea.

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I went out tonight with people to whom I am not related, so that was exciting. Oh, and when my super-together friend asked why I was already in the town where we were meeting I said "therapy," because I have no fucks left to give, even though she seemed a little taken aback. I did not say "group therapy" however, because that sounds like 30% more dysfunctional and I just didn't think she was ready for it.

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Apparently I am not a quick study about this caffeine + Vraylar thing. 2:30am, wide awake, brain buzzing. I should have none tomorrow probably, but since I narrowly missed puking on a psychiatrist in the hospital because they gave me decaf and I had the world’s worst migraine, this will take some doing.

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28 minutes ago, Unstrung Harp said:

Apparently I am not a quick study about this caffeine + Vraylar thing. 2:30am, wide awake, brain buzzing. I should have none tomorrow probably, but since I narrowly missed puking on a psychiatrist in the hospital because they gave me decaf and I had the world’s worst migraine, this will take some doing.

coffee is a tough mistress

 

could you do half caf? i've read good things about DIY'ing a simple 50/50 blend of caf + decaf?

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Darker roasts have less caffeine as well.

switch to tea? I find most teas less jittery.

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30 minutes ago, Hume's doona said:

coffee is a tough mistress

 

could you do half caf? i've read good things about DIY'ing a simple 50/50 blend of caf + decaf?

I think I can if I can find a decent decaf. I’ve always found most grocery store decaf to be horrid. I might be a coffee snob. But a half caf is probably a good solution because I enjoy the whole coffee ritual, and lapping it up feverishly from my mug.

Edited by Unstrung Harp

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7 minutes ago, argh said:


Darker roasts have less caffeine as well.

switch to tea? I find most teas less jittery.

I didn’t know that about dark roasts, though I don’t really like dark roasts. I’ve been having a cup of tea in the afternoon, but even with that the anxiety comes rushing back. It’s been going something like drink a cup of coffee, everything’s fine, start on a second cup of coffee, uh oh, half a xanax, wait, another half a xanax, wait it out, anxiety subsides, get sleepy, nap, cup of tea, back comes anxiety. So I think I need to try with one cup of coffee or tea, which is what you suggested before I wrote that whole treatise on my caffeine/xanax process.

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Caffeine reacts to heat. So dark roasts that are slowly heated a long time away from the actual cup have a bunch of it in the roaster, rather than cup of coffee. 

Sorry, useless info

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If you have a regular coffeemaker, you can buy a bag of each, and slowly work your way down to less caffeine, so it’s not so much of a jolt. I mix my own half-caf, just buy store brand decaf, but I get the good full caf, usually Starbucks. And if you have a keurig, there are plastic refillable pods available. A slight hassle, but you’re not chained to premixed coffee. 

I can’t believe I’m coherent enough to have typed that. I go through cycles where I actually can sleep, and feel a bit dazed this morning. And I set the alarm for an hour ahead, 5:30, because hey, it’s the weekend. I’m like a wild woman. 

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Stressed. Mother-in-law is in town and she’s a great person, but guests really mess with my day’s rhythm and I get all out of whack. 

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Frustrated and confused.  Frustrated because power is off.  Confused because I don’t know what kind of response from local maintenance people is acceptable versus when I should call them back.  (They were trying to track down an electrician.)

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Relieved that my sister who lives in Outer Banks, NC is okay....She decided to stay and ride out Hurricane Dorian but she's okay........Her power is out, though.....Hope it gets back on soon.

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18 hours ago, argh said:

Thanks for the info. Only 2 days out, but i can tell my side effects with lamotrigine have lessened. A bit more even calm too vs just at night

Did you ever use the SR or IR version of bupropion? Or was XL your only experience?

I first took Welburtrin when 600 mg IR was allowed. I've taken the SR but XL is my favorite. It is smoother and my resting heart rate, which is always raised by bupropion is at its lowest compared to the other formulations on the market. It is also consistent across the whole day/night. So with bupropion XL, 450 mg I get a heart rate in the 90's. Back when I took IR or SR there were more peaks and valleys.The average was probably higher. With the addition of 60 mg propranolol ER I have a resting heart rate in the 70's. No one ever had a problem with my fast pulse and I take the propranolol for another reason, lowering my heart rate is a secondary benifit. I have taken Forfivo-450 XL and Aplenzin 522 mg tabs, I moved to them when the  bupropion shortage happened. They seem the same as Welburtrin XL but I like the convenience of just one pill. 

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2 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

Frustrated and confused.  Frustrated because power is off.  Confused because I don’t know what kind of response from local maintenance people is acceptable versus when I should call them back.  (They were trying to track down an electrician.)

Less frustrated and confused. I gave in and called them back and was told that electrician was in contact with power company.  A guy just a few minutes ago knocked on my door to confirm I still didn’t have power and asked to double check my circuit breaker (I’d already redone all of them, but I didn’t mind his wanting to be sure).  He also said that I wasn’t the only person, which is slightly reassuring.

now more anxious.  waiting for when it’ll turn on.  Happy that they are working on it at least.  Worried that it’ll be a big bill.  But I guess that’s what either condo fees or condo insurance is for.  Surely one of the two covers it?

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Physically tired because I could barely sleep last night, and mentally weary of all the constant stuff pulling me away from the studio and house. Have to meet a visiting family member in a nearby tourist trap town this evening, at least it’s off-season now and might not be as crowded. Still don’t want to go though. 

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Exhausted---both mentally and physically.......Anhedonia to the max.

Edited by CrazyRedhead

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