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How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

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I hate having to ask other people to accommodate my panic disorder. But it's reasonable to push back a leave time for a road trip when there's heavy fog, right? That's what normal people do is wait it out until the fog passes? We're talking visibility of less than one tenth of a mile locally and 0.0 miles an hour out. That would make normal people pause, right? But I can tell my niece doesn't want to wait that extra hour based on local weather report, and now I feel like I'm inconveniencing everyone. But I also know I would have a flaming panic attack if we were on the highway and got stuck in heavy fog, and now I don't even want to go.

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Meteorological conditions involving reduced visibility merit timetable reevaluations. That’s not at all unreasonable. 

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Posted (edited)

It would be silly to be mad at an aunt or uncle when you could be mad at fog. Being mad at fog is very romantic, it sounds like something from a novel!
I think you were right not to drive and it's totally understandable.

I feel randomly sad, probably because i felt randomly happy earlier, not depressed-sad though. Just regular random sadness, i can handle that. That's nice compared to depression. Every feeling beats depression, every time i feel really sick I think about depression and compare and think "ahhh... this is nice!"
 

Edited by Antecedent

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Anxious of course. Feeling like everything I say or do is wrong. And just paralyzed with anxiety.

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Post-vacation blahs...Back to reality (freezing cold winter and adult responsibilities).

Feeling a looming anxiety about the New Year and what / where it will bring me.

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A little weird.  I can't come up with a better word.

It's the first time I've been free in the middle of the day excluding weekends since I was unemployed.  I was able to keep myself busy enough then, but now I just want to take a shower and a bath.  It' s not sustainable iif this transfers into a multi-day snow day.  But it doesn't look like it's supposed to. 

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Really curious about how I ripped that flap of skin off my toe without feeling it. 

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Can't cope. Wish I was dead. Oh the drama! Need a drink. Had a drink. Had another drink, and another, and so on. Feeling better. It's shit to rely on alcohol to give myself any confidence and to add some colour to life. It's a downward spiral and it doesn't help. But before I went on my Christmas drinking binge, which hasn't quite stopped yet, I was feeling bored and empty. I don't know how other people experience depression. Some people talk about a constant feeling of sadness and being overwhelmed with emotions. For me it's just that emptiness. Nothing and nobody is worth anything, and that goes for me most of all. Everything is pointless and shit and I'm even more pointless and shit. On the plus side I guess self-loathing stops me from being an arrogant arsehole. If I just hated everyone and everything I could probably get a job as a judge on the X-Factor, and I think I'd rather die.

God! I wish I was dead. Stop it! Same old shit. I'm not serious, I think. Everything is fucked and I'm kidding myself if I think I'll ever be happy. I'm doomed! Doomed I tell ye! Oh fucking behave yourself. I don't mean to sound like I'm about to jump in front of a train or anything, just ranting. I could be feeling better, and alcohol is a shit way to deal with things, but I'm OK really and I'm coping with this bullshit. I wish I didn't have to but hey-ho what can you do? I guess those 'normal' people you hear of don't wake up in the morning thinking of suicide. Another thing about depression which makes me hate myself is being such a grim and moody fucker. I'd like to be speaking joy and rainbows and fucking unicorns, but all I've got is death and shit and fucking misery. Oh hai there! Let's talk about the pointlessness of life over a muffin. I wouldn't want to know me either, even if it was a blueberry muffin.

Sorry. Rambling on. Should've done a blog post but I didn't intend to write a fucking essay. I'll shut up now.

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Worried and have a really bad feeling about something....I hope my intuition is off.

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7 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Worried and have a really bad feeling about something....I hope my intuition is off.

Pretty much covers it for me, too.

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Sad. Annoyed. Sensitive to noise. Walking is an effort.  I actually had been doing pretty well past couple of weeks. This afternoon it hit me hard. The bipolar depression is back. Tired of it, and fed up with attempting a fake “normal” at work. Bleh.

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