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I don't think I can do it anymore - this law degree, I mean. I haven't been able to concentrate all year, and it's not getting any better. I'm afraid my family will estrange me if I tell them I can't do it. I've tried to look for tutors and extra help, but I don't think that would make a difference when its my brain that's incompatible.

I asked the psych for help and they said they can't prescribe anything like adderall/concerta, and suggested going to a psychologist for cognitive remediation (but also thinks that wouldn't make any difference). I don't have the money for a psychologist at the moment anyway.

It's all making me very sad and hopeless and I haven't left the house all day.

Take a year off and get yourself stable, I've had to do that before. Breaking for a year with the intention of returning is better than flunking out. You can fix it with the school now so you can come back easily and it's not like officially dropping out all together.

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So I want to join this thing called CAP (Civil Air Patrol), and you have to fill out an application. One of the boxes asks if you have a mental or nervous disorder. If you do, you have to get your doctor to sign off on it. I'm really scared that they're going to turn me down because of my illness.

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So I want to join this thing called CAP (Civil Air Patrol), and you have to fill out an application. One of the boxes asks if you have a mental or nervous disorder. If you do, you have to get your doctor to sign off on it. I'm really scared that they're going to turn me down because of my illness.

Do you trust your DR will sign off on it? 

FWIW, I wouldn't lie (NOT saying you would, just it is something I'd at least think about, but in the end never would).

I hope you get the job!

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For some reason I have been so stressed out lately (past couple weeks) about getting stuff at costco.  My parents and I haven't been there since the beginning of August and I was running out of stuff.  After the past 2 weeks went by, and knowing that today was the only day of the week until end of October that my parents could go, I was so stressed out about whether they'd have time to go.  Idk what my problem was, but it was all I thought about.  Fortunately my parents did go today and got everything (almost all) we all needed. But the stress before that was insane.

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I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next Tuesday. I have been hearing voices off and on for a couple months now- they're mostly incomprehensible, but every once in a while, one guy pops out and says, "Get WEIRD!" As someone who has only ever dealt with anxiety and depression (not that those don't come with their own set of freaky-deaky symptoms), I'm substantially wigged out, my anxiety is through the roof, and I have lost most of my trust in my own thoughts and feelings. I just had a full physical that ruled out any weird vitamin deficiencies or anything else that could be causing the hallucinations. When I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday, he's going to try to come up with a more solid diagnosis than "some form of psychosis", as well as explore some treatment options.

I'm getting fucking married in less than a month. I work a demanding full-time job with too many responsibilities. My fiancé started his freshman year of college a couple weeks ago. Basically, now is not the time for my brain to go haywire, but I guess there's never a good time for that to happen, anyway. I just want to crawl in a hole and hang out with my cat for the next 50 years. Fuck. This. Noise. I wish I could pull my brain out, Lysol it to death, and put it back in. :(

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^^You sound really stressed out ... I know if all that was happening to me in a short time frame I would definitely be stressed out.  Are you getting enough sleep?  Could you call your pdoc and ask if you can increase the klonopin temporarily, until all this stuff is over?

 I've been getting more sleep the past couple days, but it's been a struggle since I realized that the voices aren't going to go away. They're freaking me out, and anxiety makes it harder to sleep, and not enough sleep causes more anxiety (and voices)... Increasing the klonopin actually sounds like a really good idea, and I'll give that a shot. Thanks, melissaw.

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I got this reminder of an appt for 10AM, but I had written down 9 AM (plus the card they gave me says 9 AM).  So I called the office and I was so stressed out because all my appts tomorrow are back-to-back, and I can not be late for the 2nd one at 10 AM.  And the lady says I am in the computer for 10 AM.  And I said I can't be there at 10 AM, and I saved the card which says 9 AM.  So she said just come in.  Usually they are really good about appts, so I am hoping they take me on time tomorrow.  I said I need to be out by 9:50 AM to get to the 2nd one. 

I am so stressed about this all.  I just need everything to work out, and I won't know if it will until tomorrow AM when I get to the fist appt. 

Lesson learned is to always keep the cards that the DRs offices give you with the appt day and time, because if they disagree with your appt time, you can show them the card that THEY wrote out.  I'm so glad I kept mine, and know i will do it from now on.

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I got this reminder of an appt for 10AM, but I had written down 9 AM (plus the card they gave me says 9 AM).  So I called the office and I was so stressed out because all my appts tomorrow are back-to-back, and I can not be late for the 2nd one at 10 AM.  And the lady says I am in the computer for 10 AM.  And I said I can't be there at 10 AM, and I saved the card which says 9 AM.  So she said just come in.  Usually they are really good about appts, so I am hoping they take me on time tomorrow.  I said I need to be out by 9:50 AM to get to the 2nd one. 

I am so stressed about this all.  I just need everything to work out, and I won't know if it will until tomorrow AM when I get to the fist appt. 

Lesson learned is to always keep the cards that the DRs offices give you with the appt day and time, because if they disagree with your appt time, you can show them the card that THEY wrote out.  I'm so glad I kept mine, and know i will do it from now on.

Oh my gosh, I get so, so anxious about getting places on time. This would throw me through a loop. If you can, I would try to get there a bit earlier and let them know you are ready when they are (but maybe that's just me being finicky about appointment times!). Sometimes the doctor will finish up early and be able to see you between their appointments. I know it's totally their fault, not yours, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do, I guess. I hope everything goes smoothly for you tomorrow. :)

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I started my welding course Monday. We're just screwing around for the first 2 weeks because enrollment is still open. I feel so stupid sometimes, I know the theory of some of it, but I had never even seen a welder (or even someone welding) before Monday. The instructor is way cool, he knows about the SZA and fist-bumped me for going so long without being IP (we had to disclose meds and whatnot, since there is a risk of getting hurt, but only to Bill) and we joke around a lot (the entire class) I get discouraged sometimes because I'm so "green". But it's a lot of fun. Guys that have experience make the same mistakes I do, and some of my welds are better (we have scrap metal to play with) and Bill seems to like me. 

I know I can't know everything 3 days in, that we haven't even touched theory yet. But I do get cheered up when I know something, or when I actually do a decent weld. I'm the only female, and that makes it harder, I feel like I have to work harder to show up the guys. This is familiar for me because I was the only female in my program at college. 

Today we were cutting thick steel with oxyacetylene torches, and I actually cut through it first try. It takes a while to get through the metal. A piece of molten metal fell in my shoe, and I just kept torching. It wrecked my sock, I'm not hurt, but I need to wear my workboots.

I just flip flop. At times its like there's so much to know and I'll never know it, so I should give up, but I've been through college, and I'm good at school, and the guys compliment and give feedback (some have experience) which is cool. 

It's not easy going into a 30 hour week of learning, with a 1/2 hour drive each way, from doing nothing at home. I'm exhausted.

I CAN FUCKIN' DO THIS!!! 

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I got this reminder of an appt for 10AM, but I had written down 9 AM (plus the card they gave me says 9 AM).  So I called the office and I was so stressed out because all my appts tomorrow are back-to-back, and I can not be late for the 2nd one at 10 AM.  And the lady says I am in the computer for 10 AM.  And I said I can't be there at 10 AM, and I saved the card which says 9 AM.  So she said just come in.  Usually they are really good about appts, so I am hoping they take me on time tomorrow.  I said I need to be out by 9:50 AM to get to the 2nd one. 

I am so stressed about this all.  I just need everything to work out, and I won't know if it will until tomorrow AM when I get to the fist appt. 

Lesson learned is to always keep the cards that the DRs offices give you with the appt day and time, because if they disagree with your appt time, you can show them the card that THEY wrote out.  I'm so glad I kept mine, and know i will do it from now on.

Oh my gosh, I get so, so anxious about getting places on time. This would throw me through a loop. If you can, I would try to get there a bit earlier and let them know you are ready when they are (but maybe that's just me being finicky about appointment times!). Sometimes the doctor will finish up early and be able to see you between their appointments. I know it's totally their fault, not yours, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do, I guess. I hope everything goes smoothly for you tomorrow. :)

Thanks, I hope everything goes smoothly also.

Yes, I am getting there early, with no doubt.  I'm not gong to get screwed.  No, it isn't you being finicky about appt times ... I'm like that too.  And you're right ... you gotta do what you gotta do.  When I get there and my appt time gets later and later, I will get up and keep asking how many people are ahead of me.  More than once.  And I will repeatedly tell them I need to be out of the office at 9:50 AM.  I'm not the kind who sits back and waits, being nice as the DRs office people overlook me because they know they can get away with it.

Growing up I had to deal with people who were not pro-active, and taught me to be "nice" in any situation, even when I am being screwed over by someone.  I just can't do that.

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I got this reminder of an appt for 10AM, but I had written down 9 AM (plus the card they gave me says 9 AM).  So I called the office and I was so stressed out because all my appts tomorrow are back-to-back, and I can not be late for the 2nd one at 10 AM.  And the lady says I am in the computer for 10 AM.  And I said I can't be there at 10 AM, and I saved the card which says 9 AM.  So she said just come in.  Usually they are really good about appts, so I am hoping they take me on time tomorrow.  I said I need to be out by 9:50 AM to get to the 2nd one. 

I am so stressed about this all.  I just need everything to work out, and I won't know if it will until tomorrow AM when I get to the fist appt. 

Lesson learned is to always keep the cards that the DRs offices give you with the appt day and time, because if they disagree with your appt time, you can show them the card that THEY wrote out.  I'm so glad I kept mine, and know i will do it from now on.

Oh my gosh, I get so, so anxious about getting places on time. This would throw me through a loop. If you can, I would try to get there a bit earlier and let them know you are ready when they are (but maybe that's just me being finicky about appointment times!). Sometimes the doctor will finish up early and be able to see you between their appointments. I know it's totally their fault, not yours, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do, I guess. I hope everything goes smoothly for you tomorrow. :)

Thanks, I hope everything goes smoothly also.

Yes, I am getting there early, with no doubt.  I'm not gong to get screwed.  No, it isn't you being finicky about appt times ... I'm like that too.  And you're right ... you gotta do what you gotta do.  When I get there and my appt time gets later and later, I will get up and keep asking how many people are ahead of me.  More than once.  And I will repeatedly tell them I need to be out of the office at 9:50 AM.  I'm not the kind who sits back and waits, being nice as the DRs office people overlook me because they know they can get away with it.

Growing up I had to deal with people who were not pro-active, and taught me to be "nice" in any situation, even when I am being screwed over by someone.  I just can't do that.

Good. I had to work hard to learn to be pushy! :) It's not always easy standing up for yourself, so kudos to you.

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I got this reminder of an appt for 10AM, but I had written down 9 AM (plus the card they gave me says 9 AM).  So I called the office and I was so stressed out because all my appts tomorrow are back-to-back, and I can not be late for the 2nd one at 10 AM.  And the lady says I am in the computer for 10 AM.  And I said I can't be there at 10 AM, and I saved the card which says 9 AM.  So she said just come in.  Usually they are really good about appts, so I am hoping they take me on time tomorrow.  I said I need to be out by 9:50 AM to get to the 2nd one. 

I am so stressed about this all.  I just need everything to work out, and I won't know if it will until tomorrow AM when I get to the fist appt. 

Lesson learned is to always keep the cards that the DRs offices give you with the appt day and time, because if they disagree with your appt time, you can show them the card that THEY wrote out.  I'm so glad I kept mine, and know i will do it from now on.

Oh my gosh, I get so, so anxious about getting places on time. This would throw me through a loop. If you can, I would try to get there a bit earlier and let them know you are ready when they are (but maybe that's just me being finicky about appointment times!). Sometimes the doctor will finish up early and be able to see you between their appointments. I know it's totally their fault, not yours, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do, I guess. I hope everything goes smoothly for you tomorrow. :)

Thanks, I hope everything goes smoothly also.

Yes, I am getting there early, with no doubt.  I'm not gong to get screwed.  No, it isn't you being finicky about appt times ... I'm like that too.  And you're right ... you gotta do what you gotta do.  When I get there and my appt time gets later and later, I will get up and keep asking how many people are ahead of me.  More than once.  And I will repeatedly tell them I need to be out of the office at 9:50 AM.  I'm not the kind who sits back and waits, being nice as the DRs office people overlook me because they know they can get away with it.

Growing up I had to deal with people who were not pro-active, and taught me to be "nice" in any situation, even when I am being screwed over by someone.  I just can't do that.

Good. I had to work hard to learn to be pushy! :) It's not always easy standing up for yourself, so kudos to you.

Thanks.  You're right, it isn't always easy to stand up for yourself.  The only times I stand up for myself when it happens with anything related to a DR ... labs, appts, tests ... I'll make any calls needed if there are questions, I don't agree with everything the DRs want or say (if what they say is really unreasonable to me IMO), and I know what to say to get worked into a DRs schedule. 

I am not able to this with other people (outside of DRs) for some reason though ... probably because I never learned to fight back; I was taught to listen and take the abuse.

I am leaving very soon.  Hoping the GI stuff wont be a problem today.

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Hello! A quick introduction: I'm Nico, SZA-BP. Current status: hypomanic bordering on manic.

I've confined myself to my room because I've caused so much chaos outdoors lately (see my post in the BP check-in thread). I'm between meds (waiting for my Li levels to rise), and I've been causing a lot of trouble. 

Hypo stuff aside, my negative symptoms have been growing worse and worse. It's quite amusing sometimes, having hypomania and negative symptoms! I can write six or seven 2000-word pieces in a day, create an intricate filing and object-location system for my room, hoover my room twice over, perform magickal rituals with brilliant effects, make conceptual, confessional, and narrative art, carry on conversations as if I don't have ASD, predict what other people will say down to tone and inflections (they speak so FUCKING slowly!), and, well, the list goes on - but I can't shower or wash my hair! Hah!

The recurring hallucination I've had since almost exactly the beginning of the year - my name being called, usually whilst I'm listening to music or experiencing other loud noise, but increasingly out of nowhere - is beginning to become disturbing. It's one of the few hallucinations I've had outside of real psychotic breaks that has been able to shake me this much. Usually they're irritating, interesting, or funny. I constantly hear my name called. When I don't rationalise it away, which is often, I call out, and look around, and look silly. Another reason to stay in my room, hah! Sometimes I hear it, ignore it, and then find out that it was real. My father has been angry with me because of that - "it's so rude to ignore me". I can't explain, or he'd start cracking down on my liberties all the more.

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I just realized today that i must be really depressed.  I have all the energy to go out for a walk, but my head just has no interest in doing anything.  My head feels fogged up.

Depressions are horrible. I have a spot of apathy re: doing anything fun at the moment, despite my apparent hypomania. Today I had a burst of offline activity, but mostly I've been letting out my excessive energy online and in texts to old friends who really don't need to hear from me! I haven't read a book, made any art, or played my instruments in weeks. I wonder whether I'm mixed. I digress, though. I'm really sorry that you're depressed. Have you had a meds change or dose increase recently, or is this just organic depression?

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So I want to join this thing called CAP (Civil Air Patrol), and you have to fill out an application. One of the boxes asks if you have a mental or nervous disorder. If you do, you have to get your doctor to sign off on it. I'm really scared that they're going to turn me down because of my illness.

Do you trust your DR will sign off on it? 

FWIW, I wouldn't lie (NOT saying you would, just it is something I'd at least think about, but in the end never would).

I hope you get the job!

I think my DR will sign off.

And honestly, I DID think about lying, but it'd be lying to the government, so I decided against it.

Thanks! (:

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So I want to join this thing called CAP (Civil Air Patrol), and you have to fill out an application. One of the boxes asks if you have a mental or nervous disorder. If you do, you have to get your doctor to sign off on it. I'm really scared that they're going to turn me down because of my illness.

Do you trust your DR will sign off on it? 

FWIW, I wouldn't lie (NOT saying you would, just it is something I'd at least think about, but in the end never would).

I hope you get the job!

I think my DR will sign off.

And honestly, I DID think about lying, but it'd be lying to the government, so I decided against it.

Thanks! (:

On a similar note: I applied to the DVLA for a provisional a little while ago, lying about my epilepsy - I didn't plan to do any driving, so I reasoned that it was harmless. They somehow sussed me out and rejected me. It's very, very difficult to lie to the government (as an individual person, that is).

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