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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?


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44 minutes ago, Derrick said:

I feel like I'm in danger to myself. I won't get out of bed all day and refuse to cause I want to sleep off the pain. I've been cutting myself and feel like I should call my doctor or go to the ER but I'm afraid of what might happen. I hate spending the night in a mental hospital. I want to end my life but don't know how.

Please get help. Call your dr or go to the ER if you are going to try to kill yourself. This is an emergency.

believe me I know how much being IP sucks. I fucking hate it too. But if you are really going to try to kill yourself tonight then it's what is best because they can help. 

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1 hour ago, Derrick said:

I feel like I'm in danger to myself. I won't get out of bed all day and refuse to cause I want to sleep off the pain. I've been cutting myself and feel like I should call my doctor or go to the ER but I'm afraid of what might happen. I hate spending the night in a mental hospital. I want to end my life but don't know how.

Go to the ER ASAP!!!

I know it can be a hard thing to do to go to the ER.  Do you have anyone nearby who can help you?

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I met with my new pdoc on Friday and he's a resident like the last one I spoke too (she only has AM appointments so that wouldn't have worked out when things got busy). His attending came in and he went over the notes on my file and said something along the lines of "bipolar, history of mania but she's not sure if she's had psychosis outside of mania." I had to stop him, like noooo that is completely incorrect. Never have I said that. That's certainly not in my AZ pdoc's notes, which means the resident I saw before him wrote that. Where would she even get that idea? I've said I experience psychosis all the time regardless of the mood episode I'm in but I have bad memory so I'm not sure if I've experienced psychosis for at least 2 weeks outside of a mood episode. Which led to the whole bp/psychosis or SZA question. In what world does that say only gets psychotic during mania. Do people even listen to me? 

He prescribed latuda. We'll see how that goes. My goal is something I've made clear, get back to my beloved prozac at 80mg and ditch the effexor. My anxiety was better. Also I should add that he didn't give me any instructions on how to take the latuda. Nothing like take it at night with these many calories. I mean I know that already and the pharmacist will tell me as well but still!! I hope he's not a repeat of my first pdoc who prescribed lithium without any instructions, the pharmacist had to tell me about the salt/dehydration thing. 

I wish I could live in a different apartment. One with a closet where I could go in and be in my safe spot in the dark. The bathroom is no longer my safe spot. The fact that my neighbor will use the bathroom every time I go in even if I'm in it at 3AM is really confirming the fact that they're spying on me. Now more of my neighbors are in on it. This is what I get for living in a loft. Stupid open floor plan. 

 

Edited by iaawal
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6 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

Just feeling down, well very down and quite cray cray atm - like I could lose my shit man, totally lose it and just sink or explode or I don't know..... something...

:( Sorry to hear Chickenlips. I am in a similar pickle. Very down and just out of it. Yucky! 

I hope you don't sink or explode. That would be horrible!

Sending some strength and positive vibes for sure!

Trying to keep it together today. At least I made it out of bed today. No guarantees I wont go back to bed super early though.

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4 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

:( Sorry to hear Chickenlips. I am in a similar pickle. Very down and just out of it. Yucky! 

I hope you don't sink or explode. That would be horrible!

Sending some strength and positive vibes for sure!

Trying to keep it together today. At least I made it out of bed today. No guarantees I wont go back to bed super early though.

Cheese.... mmmmmmm yes, I know its awful.... thank you for your kind words, they help on here don't they? Like you are feeling lonely and down and sad and you write on here and someone (you cheese!) says "yeah man, I understand" and you know what, you feel a bit better, a bit more connected! I hope you are feeling better soonest too my friend... come on, lets pull together and inch forward.... (Are you a French cheese I wonder? Wrapped in a Red bow? Perhaps perfect with Red wine....? Delish!)

3 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I am so depressed and anxious. I think my husband is going to die soon. I need to get this out of my head. What if his cancer spreads? It will kill us both.

No cheese.... no my love, with strength we move forward... focus on the now... no one knows the future, try not to worry..... I know it is an awful proposition, but you know we seem to find a way....! Thinking of you... xx

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8 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I am glad I am finally a little less sick than I have been since last Thursday.  It was hard to get all the pills down ... couldn't take them all, but now I am more back to normal (for me).

Good to hear Mel...! Enjoy your long weekend! x

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22 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

Cheese.... mmmmmmm yes, I know its awful.... thank you for your kind words, they help on here don't they? Like you are feeling lonely and down and sad and you write on here and someone (you cheese!) says "yeah man, I understand" and you know what, you feel a bit better, a bit more connected! I hope you are feeling better soonest too my friend... come on, lets pull together and inch forward.... (Are you a French cheese I wonder? Wrapped in a Red bow? Perhaps perfect with Red wine....? Delish!)

No cheese.... no my love, with strength we move forward... focus on the now... no one knows the future, try not to worry..... I know it is an awful proposition, but you know we seem to find a way....! Thinking of you... xx

Thank you my sweet and lovely chickenlips!!!

You have made me feel better and stronger with your kind and true words. 

French cheese, eh? You can put a red bow on me but I still can't speak a word of French!! Haha! 

You are so awesome!! I hope you are doing better!!

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Had a lovely piano practice...although it was on a keyboard and not an actual piano...ugh i would love to have won but i have no where to put it.

 

Haven't heard back from PACT so I'm still under my pdoc...the program might not start til Feb possibly with all the meetings and such.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my friend's death...she died of cystic fibrosis...she was only 22

So I'm sleeping over my best friend's house tonight because she was very close to her and I know it'll be hard. I'm kinds dreading the tears and such especially because my mood is pretty stable.

Life goes on. (I guess)

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I washed clothes (A lot) and the fuckin dryers weren't working.  One said it wasn't working, but the other one had been working.  So I put the clothes in the dryer and what happens?  It wouldn't accept quarters!  I was so pissed. 

Now I have clothes all around my apartment hanging up where there is room, as well as on a rack, and the clothes are stretched from being in the washer.  The dryer always shrinks them back to normal.  So now I want to re-wash them to get them back to what they usually are after being washed, then into the dryer to dry them as usual.  Crossing fingers my parents say yes today.

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Been having an increase in symptoms (voices, paranoia) and pdoc increased my risperdal by .5 MG and as a prn when things get bad. So, I have that fuzzy new med feeling going on. But the symptoms have cleared up. I even started dieting and exercising again finally. 

On an off note, I have been drinking a lot and am so pissed at myself for doing it. It increases my symptoms, I can't afford it, and it is horrible to drink around the kids... But there I go.... Maybe the increase in meds will give me more self control. 

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3 hours ago, SchizoHH said:

Just mentioned in my last post that I had a med increase. Forgot to mention I can't focus at all at work because of it. I hate this. 

Sorry to hear this HH. I hope the fuzzy feeling goes away and that you get used to the new dose soon. 

I'm glad the symptoms have cleared up though. That's really good news. 

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1 hour ago, Chickenlips said:

Sorry to hear that Mel... were you very close to him? x

Out of all my Uncles, he was the closest I was to and included me in things.  We weren't so close that I was in contact with him all the time (I was with his wife though), but I always knew what was going on with him and how he was.  And out of his other brothers, he was the only Uncle who accepted the MI and treated me like any other person.  The other brothers would say 'hi' and ask how I am. I say fine, then they will make an excuse to leave.  And the one who passed away didn't do that.

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