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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?


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I am apparently "agitated" well yeah no shit my thoughts keep splintyerinig and I'm not inetirely knowing what they're ven splintering into I know there's some point in this but I am that point so if I dissolv e the world just dies and I disappear into nothing... void void void this shit drives me crazy I need a fucking cigarette.  I don't feel anything except pissed off... like thanks captain fucking obvious like go fuck yourself I know I'm "agitated" if you insist on calling a very real problem some fucking psychiatric shit.  Read that know about it yet nobody talk aboust it so fuck fuck fuck off.  

 

Bad day, bad year, bad life.  this sucks and I can't even remember why I bother... It's not like I'm sad it's just that realization that holy fuck resistance really is truly fucking futile.  

 

I suspect literally fucking everyone.  Don't fuck with me.

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14 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

 

I want that mind blanking skill.... I do... but do you think that you need a med tweak or whatevs my friend...? Hmmm it must be hard, hard work to "blank out..." I'd be puffed after 5 mins... xx

No good Mel - bloody bureaucrats sitting in an office somewhere making a call.... not happy about that...! I hope it gets sorted out in your favour quick sticks x

It's exhausting. I've been working on it for a while and then when I get to a "safe spot" it's like "THINK ALL THE THOUGHTS!" lol. 

I'm currently in the process of tweaking meds. Taking it slowly according to my pdoc. 

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14 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

On another note - I had a good nights sleep last night BUT still found it difficult in the shopping centre today... hmmmmm just like a bit "not happy" and "uncomfortable" with people looking at me and talking about me and well.... I'm sure you guys get it....

...also I ran into my neighbour (I always do my best to avoid him) and I was doing "minimal talking" to him and he said something to me about my plans re study that only I know..... and I was like "oh no its all true he IS the police" I mean really how did he know!!?? And of course it all came back (the delusional thinking etc) and well really it was all a bit yuk in a truck... x

I totally get that about being in stores. In reality it's probably normal for people to look at other people while in the store - I'm not sure. You know, like when you let someone move past your shopping cart they look at you. But in my book, it is not normal.

I stopped by bed bath and beyond before buying groceries today and there were employees stocking things so every section I went to had an employee there. How did I interpret that? THEY'RE SPYING ON ME OMG!

Had to take an ativan because I get anxious too, I let it dissolve under my tongue so I was fairly chill when I went to the grocery store. I was still paranoid but like "okay, yeah they're looking at me and spying on me... that's cool man. Totally cool." lol. 

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1 hour ago, cheesecake said:

I did not think fax machines were still going. Glad you got it sorted.

Ba ha ha ha! Don't laugh Mel, cause I actually thought the same thing when you mentioned fax machines... I was like "wow they are so last century..." but yeah I guess they are still used..... when I do stuff now its all about taking an image with "camscanner" on my iPhone and then emailing it through... all from my phone... super fast.. and convenient... you need to get your Dr's up to speed... xx

1 hour ago, iaawal said:

It's exhausting. I've been working on it for a while and then when I get to a "safe spot" it's like "THINK ALL THE THOUGHTS!" lol. 

I'm currently in the process of tweaking meds. Taking it slowly according to my pdoc. 

It must be you poor thing... xx

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1 hour ago, iaawal said:

I totally get that about being in stores. In reality it's probably normal for people to look at other people while in the store - I'm not sure. You know, like when you let someone move past your shopping cart they look at you. But in my book, it is not normal.

I stopped by bed bath and beyond before buying groceries today and there were employees stocking things so every section I went to had an employee there. How did I interpret that? THEY'RE SPYING ON ME OMG!

Had to take an ativan because I get anxious too, I let it dissolve under my tongue so I was fairly chill when I went to the grocery store. I was still paranoid but like "okay, yeah they're looking at me and spying on me... that's cool man. Totally cool." lol. 

I super understand this and it is totes yuk in a truck.... I'm actually hoping that this Amisulpride becomes more effective soonest... apparently it "gets better and better" according to my pdoc, well "I am patiently waiting" and hoping that things improve... LOL you were like totally ativaned out.... good one - I might pop half a valium next time! xxx

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1 hour ago, Chickenlips said:

Ba ha ha ha! Don't laugh Mel, cause I actually thought the same thing when you mentioned fax machines... I was like "wow they are so last century..." but yeah I guess they are still used..... when I do stuff now its all about taking an image with "camscanner" on my iPhone and then emailing it through... all from my phone... super fast.. and convenient... you need to get your Dr's up to speed... xx

A screen shot of something wouldn't cut it when writing to insurance companies or to other DRs.  You can't email these DRs.  No email addresses either.

My DR is up to speed.  He does a lot by phone but he keeps work separate off his phone.  If he lost the phone or it just died, he'd lose everything.  I email my pdoc a lot, but it all gets put in a secure database.  Letters he sends to others (ie the prior auths etc) gets scanned into my chart.  But people around here use fax machines all the time.

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39 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

A screen shot of something wouldn't cut it when writing to insurance companies or to other DRs.  You can't email these DRs.  No email addresses either.

My DR is up to speed.  He does a lot by phone but he keeps work separate off his phone.  If he lost the phone or it just died, he'd lose everything.  I email my pdoc a lot, but it all gets put in a secure database.  Letters he sends to others (ie the prior auths etc) gets scanned into my chart.  But people around here use fax machines all the time.

I suppose ultimately, I'm glad that you are able to get your medication etc. sorted out, I am, and if that happens by fax or carrier pigeon, its all good in my book and definitely not yuk in a truck... xxx

Edited by Chickenlips
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3 hours ago, Zelling said:

Been fairly depressed for over a month now. Sleeping 11-15 hours a day and overeating as a result, both of which is making me more miserable. Thinking its about time I see the doctor, whether I can afford it or not.

Depression is a bitch in high heels. Sorry you are feeling so yuk... sounds like a visit to the doctor would be a plus for you... x

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I realized over the past couple of years that sometimesyes people are actually staring at me when I go out but not for the reasons I tend to think. Setting my own conclusions aside for the moment I've been told by safe people who love me that I tend to look a bit eccentric and even more so when I open my mouth in public... Like nobody was trying to be offensive but they were saying that I come across as "different" basically. I can see some truth in that but I still suspect malevolence out of people who fucking stare at me for too long. 

 

I I have a doctor's appointment today to check my thyroid ugh ugh ugh I hate doctors offices I hate them so much. Like that good honest I fucking hate you right to their face dislike. 

 

Right now im sipping on coffee and contemplating why my point is what it is or if it's anything to do with something. Life's a cruel joke on me. Supposedly my "insight" shows progress but I don't know what I believe insight even is. 

 

Knowing not not sure what's weirder being psychotic with no insight and not hearing anything about it from people... Or asking people and then telling me I'm off my rocker and then getting pissed off because I still think they're mostly full of shit but yeah apparently walking around the store talking to my voices or whatever isn't "normal"... Fuck this. 

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Also holy fuck !!! I read my post I did last night or whenever sorry about that... No wonder I have almost no friends lol. Absolute zero would be extreme though. But staying connected with the few friends I do have is so hard... It's hard for me to set things aside, talk to people, stay connected to the world and out of my head. 

 

I I took my PRN antipsychotic last night with the help of a support person that seemed to help I think I'm less wound up today. 

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This Humana insurance and prior auths and formulary exceptions being done ... how much will it fucking take to make these meds go through and not be denied. 

On a good note, I received a letter from the IRS, saying I didn't need to do anything more now, and that it could take up to 180 days to process my case. 

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