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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?


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Hospital pdoc tells me I'm still having "ideas of reference," even though I have insight into them. For the past few days certain lights are signs of God calling me back, since I turned on him and called the experience psychosis rather than revelation. I can fight the delusion, but it makes me feel guilty nevertheless. Still not completely convinced my "delusion" was a delusion, I suppose. Not sure what more I can do to fight this except take meds and reality test with people I trust. 

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25 minutes ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I won't be alive much longer. All these messages I keep seeing and hearing are so depressing. I know things are ending. I feel so weighed down and doomed. I don't know what to do anymore. I can hardly get out of bed. I'm very sad. 

Cheese, have you contacted your pdoc to see what he/she can do? Maybe your meds need to be tweaked?

I'd miss you if you weren't alive. I'm sorry you're feeling sad. 

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6 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I won't be alive much longer. All these messages I keep seeing and hearing are so depressing. I know things are ending. I feel so weighed down and doomed. I don't know what to do anymore. I can hardly get out of bed. I'm very sad. 

I hope you are alive for a loooong time to come Cheese, I truly do and I would miss you around here anyway..... I don't really know what to say except, if you are this down, then you need to see someone and let them know ASAP... much care to you xxxx

4 hours ago, iaawal said:

Olfactory hallucination. Vomit. It smells like vomit. I was on the phone with my mom and she told me she wasn't feeling well and now I smell vomit. She didn't even say she was nauseous. wtf.

 

The. Worst. Sorry that is wafting around you iaawal... I am... x

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

On a personal note I am sooooo anxious right now.... just anxious... UGH! Yuk in a truck... I hate this feeling, I truly, truly do! x

Edited by Chickenlips
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3 minutes ago, Chickenlips said:

I hope you are alive for a loooong time to come Cheese, I truly do and I would miss you around here anyway..... I don't really know what to say except, if you are this down, then you need to see someone and let them know ASAP... much care to you xxxx

The. Worst. Sorry that is wafting around you iaawal... I am... x

Sooooo anxious right now.... just anxious... UGH! Yuk in a truck... I hate this feeling, I truly, truly do! x

It's fading a bit now. Thank god. It was making me nauseous lol. 

I hate that feeling too. Anxiety sucks, sorry chickenlips. Can you take your valium to help? 

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17 minutes ago, iaawal said:

It's fading a bit now. Thank god. It was making me nauseous lol. 

I hate that feeling too. Anxiety sucks, sorry chickenlips. Can you take your valium to help? 

Snap iaawal, s.n.a.p. I literally just chucked a valium down my throat.... it has started to work too which is a bit special, isn't it.... thank goodness I have valium for times like this... thx for your care iaawal... xx

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I was in the most terrible pain this morning that wouldn't go away.  It wasn't excrutiating like it was the other day when I doubled over in pain with a knife going through my stomach.  But it was so bad it came very close to that first time, and scared the shit out of me because usually I can take something to settle it.  Usually if I am in pain, I can find something to get the pain to go away (excedrin etc).  But I was out of options.

But this stomach pain was radiating from my stomach through my entire abdomen, felt like a massive burning sensation, and it wouldn't go away.  It was terrible pain and the only other time I had this pain was when I had an ulcer.

I have had 4 ulcers in my life, and this pain tops it all.  Same pain, just magnified.  Again (I thought of it the first time when I felt the knife stabbing me through the stomach), I thought about going to the ER because I didn't know what to do.  The pain wasn't letting up.  I went to lay down to try to get comfortable, and it was almost worst.  I almost passed out too ... I was sitting in my chair doubled over and I started getting that clammy sweat I get before it happens.  I went to my bed and again, that sweaty feeling came again.  Idk if I did passed out because I was already laying down.  I had taken an extra stomach med and fell asleep (finally).  Woke up finally in no pain.  It was fucking hell and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

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14 hours ago, iaawal said:

Olfactory hallucination. Vomit. It smells like vomit. I was on the phone with my mom and she told me she wasn't feeling well and now I smell vomit. She didn't even say she was nauseous. wtf.

 

Oof! That's terrible! I'm so sorry! I hope this stops soon.

2 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I was in the most terrible pain this morning that wouldn't go away.  It wasn't excrutiating like it was the other day when I doubled over in pain with a knife going through my stomach.  But it was so bad it came very close to that first time, and scared the shit out of me because usually I can take something to settle it.  Usually if I am in pain, I can find something to get the pain to go away (excedrin etc).  But I was out of options.

But this stomach pain was radiating from my stomach through my entire abdomen, felt like a massive burning sensation, and it wouldn't go away.  It was terrible pain and the only other time I had this pain was when I had an ulcer.

I have had 4 ulcers in my life, and this pain tops it all.  Same pain, just magnified.  Again (I thought of it the first time when I felt the knife stabbing me through the stomach), I thought about going to the ER because I didn't know what to do.  The pain wasn't letting up.  I went to lay down to try to get comfortable, and it was almost worst.  I almost passed out too ... I was sitting in my chair doubled over and I started getting that clammy sweat I get before it happens.  I went to my bed and again, that sweaty feeling came again.  Idk if I did passed out because I was already laying down.  I had taken an extra stomach med and fell asleep (finally).  Woke up finally in no pain.  It was fucking hell and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

<3 Omg I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad it's over, and I hope it never comes back. I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and get cramps that bad sometimes, and you're right, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. :(

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20 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

Snap iaawal, s.n.a.p. I literally just chucked a valium down my throat.... it has started to work too which is a bit special, isn't it.... thank goodness I have valium for times like this... thx for your care iaawal... xx

Wooo! Glad it started to work! 

11 hours ago, heilmania said:

Oof! That's terrible! I'm so sorry! I hope this stops soon.

It stopped. Thank goodness!

9 hours ago, heilmania said:

I just wanted to give mad props to Abilify and Klonopin! I recently had both increased, and it's been long enough for the Abilify to start doing its thing. I feel so much better than I did a couple weeks ago. Hallelujah! Can I get an AMEN?!

AMEN!!! lolol. Glad you're feeling better! 

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I just made those ever so popular "Cabbage steaks" which are basically roasted discs of cabbage.  I think they might be over glorified.  It was a nice snack though.  I;ve been eating too much typical American garbage recently and need something to help me poop.  I hope the cabbage is what i needed.
It's 1:20am.  I hope I get tired soon.

I've been thinking lately about Schiz issues and how our delusions are similar to children being afraid of the boogie man.  Of course a lot of people grow out of that vulnerable phase but maybe people with Schiz never do.  Maybe we are just more skeptical by nature and think we are right about what our imaginations are telling us until we can really PROVE otherwise.  Supposedly, non-schiz people are more skeptical because they have less vivd imaginations and they go along with what they think they know is real and not real.  Maybe if you look at it from another angle, it's really that we are more skeptical to the point of being paranoid.  

My fear over aliens which was spawned by shows like Unsolved Mysteries and multitudinous other shows and series which said they were based on fact ultimately broke me when I was a teenager and led to my dx and a bottle of Zyprexa.  I don't worry over that stuff anymore.  Time and meds have healed me.  

I think now about how disorders overlap.  Being paranoid and anxiety.  OCD, anxiety, paranoia, delusions and fixations.  I am tired of Dr's saying we are SICK SICK SICK when people with other kinds of mental illnesses are less blown out of proportion by others.  I want us to be treated fairly and I want out treatment to not cause weight gain and lack of emotions/creativity.  I understand that we are lumped into a category with people who lose contact with reality and are a danger to themselves or others.  Maybe I've been a danger to myself at times because I could have taken my life.  What is fair is fair.  

I think Dr's need to start looking at Schiz from different angles, trying to relate out problems to more mainstream quirks and then proceed from there.  Maybe instead of the emphasis on meds, the emphasis should be on cognitive therapy.  It would also help if the drugs we take were more tolerable and effective.  

Fortunately I am asymptomatic on meds.  I have been for years and if anything I'll eventually go down in dose a little more.  

Done rant.

.

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20 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I was in the most terrible pain this morning that wouldn't go away.  It wasn't excrutiating like it was the other day when I doubled over in pain with a knife going through my stomach.  But it was so bad it came very close to that first time, and scared the shit out of me because usually I can take something to settle it.  Usually if I am in pain, I can find something to get the pain to go away (excedrin etc).  But I was out of options.

But this stomach pain was radiating from my stomach through my entire abdomen, felt like a massive burning sensation, and it wouldn't go away.  It was terrible pain and the only other time I had this pain was when I had an ulcer.

I have had 4 ulcers in my life, and this pain tops it all.  Same pain, just magnified.  Again (I thought of it the first time when I felt the knife stabbing me through the stomach), I thought about going to the ER because I didn't know what to do.  The pain wasn't letting up.  I went to lay down to try to get comfortable, and it was almost worst.  I almost passed out too ... I was sitting in my chair doubled over and I started getting that clammy sweat I get before it happens.  I went to my bed and again, that sweaty feeling came again.  Idk if I did passed out because I was already laying down.  I had taken an extra stomach med and fell asleep (finally).  Woke up finally in no pain.  It was fucking hell and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Holy crap man - that sounds really awful your poor thing! Glad that it has gone away now Mel - yes I am!! xxxx

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