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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?


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2 hours ago, TakeAChillPill said:

I just made those ever so popular "Cabbage steaks" which are basically roasted discs of cabbage.  I think they might be over glorified.  It was a nice snack though.  I;ve been eating too much typical American garbage recently and need something to help me poop.  I hope the cabbage is what i needed.
It's 1:20am.  I hope I get tired soon.

I've been thinking lately about Schiz issues and how our delusions are similar to children being afraid of the boogie man.  Of course a lot of people grow out of that vulnerable phase but maybe people with Schiz never do.  Maybe we are just more skeptical by nature and think we are right about what our imaginations are telling us until we can really PROVE otherwise.  Supposedly, non-schiz people are more skeptical because they have less vivd imaginations and they go along with what they think they know is real and not real.  Maybe if you look at it from another angle, it's really that we are more skeptical to the point of being paranoid.  

My fear over aliens which was spawned by shows like Unsolved Mysteries and multitudinous other shows and series which said they were based on fact ultimately broke me when I was a teenager and led to my dx and a bottle of Zyprexa.  I don't worry over that stuff anymore.  Time and meds have healed me.  

I think now about how disorders overlap.  Being paranoid and anxiety.  OCD, anxiety, paranoia, delusions and fixations.  I am tired of Dr's saying we are SICK SICK SICK when people with other kinds of mental illnesses are less blown out of proportion by others.  I want us to be treated fairly and I want out treatment to not cause weight gain and lack of emotions/creativity.  I understand that we are lumped into a category with people who lose contact with reality and are a danger to themselves or others.  Maybe I've been a danger to myself at times because I could have taken my life.  What is fair is fair.  

I think Dr's need to start looking at Schiz from different angles, trying to relate out problems to more mainstream quirks and then proceed from there.  Maybe instead of the emphasis on meds, the emphasis should be on cognitive therapy.  It would also help if the drugs we take were more tolerable and effective.  

Fortunately I am asymptomatic on meds.  I have been for years and if anything I'll eventually go down in dose a little more.  

Done rant.

.

Interesting rant takeachillpill... yes indeed... I certainly wish that I could find a happy medium with meds and my brain! I truly, truly do.... x

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16 minutes ago, Chickenlips said:

Holy crap man - that sounds really awful your poor thing! Glad that it has gone away now Mel - yes I am!! xxxx

Thanks, me too :) .  I can't wait to see the DR this morning.  I still have another 6 hours before I do so, but I think I'll be ok at this point.  I have been up a lot tonight because I didn't want to wake up like I did last night.

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2 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

This morning I had the appt to see the GI DR for the stomach and abdominal pain that I had 2 nights ago.  He wants a gastroscopy first thing tomorrow AM.

All the very best with all of that Mel - yes, the very best... I hope it all goes smoothly... I do... x

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Is my mood lifting? Is it?? I find it difficult to work out...

I think maybe it is a little better, more positive, I do..... but is that just an illusion? Is it?

Hmmmmm I suppose I can only hope I am not down in the dumps again tomorrow.... I really hope I am not... I do.... x

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8 minutes ago, Zelling said:

Hallucinating all over the place and very sad today, and feeling very much alone.

I'm sorry Zelling... that is a bitch of a place to be... but I just want to say that you are a part of this online community and I see you... I feel alone too quite often and sad. I get it... I hope that your mood lifts soonest and you feel less alone!! I truly do... x

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31 minutes ago, Chickenlips said:

I'm sorry Zelling... that is a bitch of a place to be... but I just want to say that you are a part of this online community and I see you... I feel alone too quite often and sad. I get it... I hope that your mood lifts soonest and you feel less alone!! I truly do... x

Thanks much! Just hearing back from someone who knows exactly what I'm going through makes a big difference.

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7 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

Is my mood lifting? Is it?? I find it difficult to work out...

I think maybe it is a little better, more positive, I do..... but is that just an illusion? Is it?

Hmmmmm I suppose I can only hope I am not down in the dumps again tomorrow.... I really hope I am not... I do.... x

One day at a time.

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Contemplating taking time off work, at least until the new dose of meds kick in. Hallucinating during work today really stressed me out, and I nearly cried in the office. I've just been getting so depressed before and during work lately I'm starting to loathe it. 

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6 hours ago, Zelling said:

Contemplating taking time off work, at least until the new dose of meds kick in. Hallucinating during work today really stressed me out, and I nearly cried in the office. I've just been getting so depressed before and during work lately I'm starting to loathe it. 

Are you able to work from home? Taking time off sounds like a good plan too. Hope the meds kick in soon. 

------------

I haven't been in the office in over a week, except for a couple hours on Friday. I really need to leave my apartment. The person in the building across from me has been keeping their patio blinds open lately. And we all know what that means, they're spying on me! Probably not, but that's what I believe. It sucks. I can feel them staring at me. 

On another note, Jeffree Star restocked some of his liquid lipsticks. The site went down as I was placing my order and next thing I know, one of the shades in my cart was sold out. Oh well, that one is permanent, it'll get restocked eventually plus it was only to serve as a backup. I was still able to get Androgyny, which is the limited edition one. Now I have a backup for that one. Just as I say "no more makeup!" TooFaced sends out a 20% off coupon. Must say no. Must say no. I still have plenty of bronzer left!

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See new pdoc Tuesday...he actually comes to my house...kinda weird

Staff from the new program have been coming. They have to come in and check on me everyday for the next 28 days...ugh.

The program (at potential school) received my documents and now I have to have a background check for $70(!)

So then hopefully I'll be invited to take the entrance exam. I have to start studying to.

My concentration has been shit lately, the adderall helps a little but I'm struggling. I need to have my shit together if I want to do this as my next career move.

I opened up the review book and so far nothing crazy. Yet. Gah.

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Gearing up for my Grad Cert at Uni which kicks off at the end of this month... hmmm looking forward to it and a bit scared at the same time.... my mood I think is coming out of that nose dive cause I am feeling OK today... and not super down and yuk... so that is a good thing... **phew**

Just going to try and clean my apartment today and "get things back on track" and am taking my second dose of Sarcosine... who knows if it will do anything... I don't yet, but I think it is worth a go... 

Mel - how did your tummy thing go?? Hope was ok... x

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3 hours ago, iaawal said:

On another note, Jeffree Star restocked some of his liquid lipsticks. The site went down as I was placing my order and next thing I know, one of the shades in my cart was sold out. Oh well, that one is permanent, it'll get restocked eventually plus it was only to serve as a backup. I was still able to get Androgyny, which is the limited edition one. Now I have a backup for that one. Just as I say "no more makeup!" TooFaced sends out a 20% off coupon. Must say no. Must say no. I still have plenty of bronzer left!

I'm imagining you as a makeup superhero... with a mask on and a red velvet cape, ordering huge quantities of makeup and stockpiling it in your bedroom... ready to help some poor person that runs out "in a flash"... lol - thats just my stupid imagination iaawal.... enjoy my friend  xx

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34 minutes ago, Chickenlips said:

I'm imagining you as a makeup superhero... with a mask on and a red velvet cape, ordering huge quantities of makeup and stockpiling it in your bedroom... ready to help some poor person that runs out "in a flash"... lol - thats just my stupid imagination iaawal.... enjoy my friend  xx

LOL! I did recently send a bunch of makeup to a friend in AZ who loves makeup but can't afford much. haha. I will definitely enjoy. 

Good luck with your grad cert! 

 

1 hour ago, dancingteapot said:

See new pdoc Tuesday...he actually comes to my house...kinda weird

Staff from the new program have been coming. They have to come in and check on me everyday for the next 28 days...ugh.

The program (at potential school) received my documents and now I have to have a background check for $70(!)

So then hopefully I'll be invited to take the entrance exam. I have to start studying to.

My concentration has been shit lately, the adderall helps a little but I'm struggling. I need to have my shit together if I want to do this as my next career move.

I opened up the review book and so far nothing crazy. Yet. Gah.

Good luck with everything teapot. I understand about the shitty concentration. I'm taking a research coordinator exam in March and I cannot focus on studying. :( 

That's weird about the home visits from your pdoc but I'm guessing pretty convenient. That'd be nice. 

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16 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

The gastroscopy went ok today.  Have gastritis still, but no ulcers.  He took some biopsies today also, but don't have those results yet.  Blood work I'm not sure of the results yet either.

Yay for no ulcers! Hopefully the results you get back are good. 

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On 2/10/2016 at 3:04 AM, Chickenlips said:

I'm sorry you're trapped... that must be awful... I hope you can get out or whatever soonest.... I do xx

Thanks, I didn't think anyone on here read my posts hahaha.  I'm more optimistic as of late it's just there's been lots of happenings that I probably no really shouldn't go into much detail about.  Just family stuff, I'll put it that way.  

 

Emotionally nothing is there and I'm used to that. that's an all the time thing and has been for years.  Physically I feel like utter shit, I live in a fuckton of chronic pain I'd rather not explain and it's been all flaring up so bad lately.  About three nights ago I had a pain attack and I was writhing in pain half the night, I'm just thankful I avoided the hopsital because fuck ythat.

 

What that was is within.  Sort of in a manner of speaking.  My head's a messy place as usual, but emotionally nothing is there... can't be scared, can't be sad, can't connect to anyone worth a fuck on that level... I have to use my thoughts and well everyone knows my thoughts get me into trouble because they're not my thoughts, ythe fuckers. 

 

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday which is what I wanted to say in the fucking first pla e god I can ramble... She increased the dose on one of my AP's, everyone close to me lately has said I'm off my rocker I don't see it but I listen to people who love me at least I try to.  

 

I just want to avoid another... decade, like this past one... fuck, ten years... shit it never goes away.  Noneo f it does and i'm fucking tired.  Is tired a feeling I don't think so it's just physical, like  just.  I don't know how to explain it but they stole what little emotional range I had in the first place years ago and now I'm like an ice person, nothing there.  If I had the capacity to be scared of all this I would be but I can't be scared.  I can say if I had my emotions I would be scared right now but I don't so it's just... this big yarn ball of nothing and it's all coming apart at the seams and I'm nothing, too. Not in the self hatred way, I am just actually literally a void of just nothing.

 

When will I learn that the plots will all occur without time.  What a fucked up illusion this time thing it makes everything fucked up.  Lol.  Who actually lols when they type that I don't. 

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