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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?


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5 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

Mmmmmm made myself some creamy Millet for dinner and it was pretty Yum!

Am doing more hours of work this week and enjoying it and I am finally climbing out of that awful, scraping the bottom of the barrel depression... **phew** I mean it was super yuk in a truck and I couldn't see the light... just not sure if it is the Amisulpride OR if it is just a natural progression.... oh but the Amisulpride has definitely quietened down the delusions... yes it has..... xx

well im glad that you're feeling better no matter the whys of it all you know? i say if you're you feeling better then yay like for serious that's awesome! depression must suck i can't really imagine. xxx

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i feel less in my head today like i can actually look at a person without getting all weird about it. one of my sisters said she wants to help me but isn't sure what to do, honestly that surprised me i didn't think she cared but clearly she does. ive gotta think like what would help... not sure. i never know really because when i think im fine odds are im really not so its a weird thing positi to be in. 

 

mtis is is serious business I haste it when people lol at me. no just no. 

 

across was ,t my point and i didn't get there. oh well o i tried...

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21 hours ago, dancingteapot said:

They never showed...I'm definitely bitching them out when I see them next...which is supposed to be tomorrow

I've done PHP a load of times. They never fucked with my meds because they let it me have a private pdoc so the program couldn't mess with mine. The good thing about PHP is it gets you out of the house. I'm sure there is more to it but they never worked out for me hence I was put into this outreach crap.

Thanks for the post. I was supposed to get a call about PHP today but nothing. I'm not surprised. Supposedly going to see case manager tomorrow but I bet she cancels. Ugh ugh ugh ugh

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21 hours ago, dancingteapot said:

They never showed...I'm definitely bitching them out when I see them next...which is supposed to be tomorrow

I've done PHP a load of times. They never fucked with my meds because they let it me have a private pdoc so the program couldn't mess with mine. The good thing about PHP is it gets you out of the house. I'm sure there is more to it but they never worked out for me hence I was put into this outreach crap.

Did they show up today?

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I hate being paranoid at work. I'm convinced people are talking about me or even laughing at me when I'm right there in the office.

Mum thinks paranoia is caused by social isolation. It's hard to tell when I end up isolating myself because of the paranoia.

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17 hours ago, heilmania said:

Eating candy at my desk and feeling my coworkers watching me and judging. Yes, I'm fat and eating candy. Fuck off.

yeah they can all mmost definitely fuck the hell off. i ate a whole thing of chocolate yesterday and it's like lol if you judge me go fuck yourself and mellow fucking out and take a look in the mirror you judgmental fucks. 

 

16 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I got the vacuuming done and it is like lead lifted off my shoulders.  Just very glad it is done.

i finally got around to cleaing yesterday and ohmy *god* something about it totally deos help sl mcuh like iyt's the little things i just have to get the motivation and other things involved to get it done but yeah i'm glad you feel beter now that it's done. 

 

7 hours ago, Zelling said:

I hate being paranoid at work. I'm convinced people are talking about me or even laughing at me when I'm right there in the office.

Mum thinks paranoia is caused by social isolation. It's hard to tell when I end up isolating myself because of the paranoia.

i tend to isolate because i get scared(i hate calling it paranoia even though that's technically correct ugh fuckers fucking with me but that's not the point, or is it). 

 

sometimes it's good not to isolate but i totally get why that's hard to do it's hard for me to et out of myself, like iget far in my head and i'll end up just sinking into it all and i won't realize how bad off i am until asomeone tellis me i haven't show4erd in a week or whatever and i'm like oh fuck me.

 

4 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

I'm really not happy, there is a lot going on and there is a sinking and a going down, down, down and it is a loss and a life reduced and I am really NOT happy at all.... grrrr

that really sounds like it sucks i'm sorry and i hope you feel better soon i know it sounds trite but i can only do sm cmuch over the internet but i'm hoping that it gets better sooner rather than later. i've noticed that the excessive shitty does eventually passo it just takes awhile sometimes which isn't fun. i have lots going on right now too and i'm stressed so yeah sympathies. 

 

i'm trying to fix the capital letters problem... don't know why that started being a problem but i am getting close to getting that resolved. my thoinking can just et stuck on some little thing convincing me it's fucking with me because they put the thoughts in my head to make me sound like i'm crasy so i end up looking yotally florid or whatevers because they're fucking with me... but i need to put those thoughts to the side i wnanyt them to fuck off they're not getting the satisifcation of watching me suffer nope i think i'll go out for a cigarettte yeah back too smoking to much again oh shit! but i'll fix that on another day just not today the problem is i boutght cheap cigs that don't give me a good hit usually i smoke once every couple of hours now i struggle to make it to an hour, bad ciggies grr. i need to buy a carton of the  kind i usually smoke so i can cut back down i'm a singer i need to reduce harm to my voice as much as possible that's one of the few things i can do so i need to hold onto that and this is weird but i want a scrambled egg and that's a problem because there's no eggs in this house.  this house is old it feels haunted i'm used to living in newer places but i don't believe in ghosts it's just this creep yfeeling i can't describe it's like the quiet in this place is so loud especially if the voices get quiet but that just about never happens so that was something that happened then it went off and took away my sanity and has anyone seen my brain matter? it leaks, if anyone finds it and can return it to me i'd vastly appreciate it but whatever i probably just sound... yeah.  fuck i hate this shit. 

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10 hours ago, Zelling said:

I hate being paranoid at work. I'm convinced people are talking about me or even laughing at me when I'm right there in the office.

Mum thinks paranoia is caused by social isolation. It's hard to tell when I end up isolating myself because of the paranoia.

I finally came to work after almost 2 weeks of working from home. I feel the exact same way. I came back to work on a day when I had a meeting and had to take a busy bus twice and was in a meeting with 4 people.

This is why I isolate myself. I hardly left my apartment only when I needed to or forced myself to. I think there are many causes for isolation, at least in my experience. Sometimes it starts off with "I don't want to see people" or "I'm too anxious to see people" or "I can't open my front door because I'm being spied" or fear or the good ol' can't leave because of everything combined.

And then when I show up, the laughing, the talking behind my back, the staring, the spying, the conspiracies make me regret ever leaving my apartment in the first place and then the isolation starts again.

3 hours ago, Schizophrenic_Sanity said:

i tend to isolate because i get scared(i hate calling it paranoia even though that's technically correct ugh fuckers fucking with me but that's not the point, or is it). 

sometimes it's good not to isolate but i totally get why that's hard to do it's hard for me to et out of myself, like iget far in my head and i'll end up just sinking into it all and i won't realize how bad off i am until asomeone tellis me i haven't show4erd in a week or whatever and i'm like oh fuck me.

I totally get this. I sometimes also don't show up because I haven't showered and can't get myself to shower or do laundry so I stay and then I stay again and then I realize I've been wearing the exact same thing for days and haven't showered.

7 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

I'm really not happy, there is a lot going on and there is a sinking and a going down, down, down and it is a loss and a life reduced and I am really NOT happy at all.... grrrr

I'm sorry things are so bad for you chickenlips. :(

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11 hours ago, Chickenlips said:

I'm really not happy, there is a lot going on and there is a sinking and a going down, down, down and it is a loss and a life reduced and I am really NOT happy at all.... grrrr

I'm sorry chickenlips. That sucks! I can relate a lot. I hope your mood improves soon. Thinking of you! <3

On 2/15/2016 at 1:52 PM, melissaw72 said:

I got the vacuuming done and it is like lead lifted off my shoulders.  Just very glad it is done.

I just got the dusting done. I feel much better that it's done too. Blah. I'm glad you got some vacuuming done!

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Thanks everyone... goodness... it can all get a bit yuk in a truck in our minds pretty quickly, can't it?? **Sigh** I guess that I may be feeling better, but I am not willing to commit to that at all just yet.... not even a baby bit, well at least not right now... grrrrr I'm just going to TRY to step back and see the big picture if I can.... xx

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I feel like slowly but surely I am heading towards hypo, but only in my mind.  If you could have a picture of my mind you could see it all. My mind races, I have ordered a ton of stuff on-line that I'm not returning (because it would cost more money to ship it all back than keep it, plus I really wanted what I got).  You may not be able to recognize it, but if you knew how fast I am thinking it wouldn't be a question.  Also haven't been sleeping well for the past few days except for last night, so I took an ativan to calm my mind down so I could sleep.

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So I am going to spend all of my recreation money on a game kickstarter. I do that a lot, although usually via steam or some other service. I don't do kickstarter much (I've only backed four things). IDK, I tend to be terrible with money and I know that spending this much all at once on something I won't see for nearly a year is probably a bad idea but I really want it

Also, if my paranoia is just a delusion, why do people constantly head to the kitchen or the bathroom as soon as I think of going to either? How do they know? I know on some level that it's just coincidence but it happens so often it's hard to dismiss it.

So I am going to spend all of my recreation money on a game kickstarter. I do that a lot, although usually via steam or some other service. I don't do kickstarter much (I've only backed four things). IDK, I tend to be terrible with money and I know that spending this much all at once on something I won't see for nearly a year is probably a bad idea but I really want it

Also, if my paranoia is just a delusion, why do people constantly head to the kitchen or the bathroom as soon as I think of going to either? How do they know? I know on some level that it's just coincidence but it happens so often it's hard to dismiss it.

Also, I see people are having hard times - I hope things improve for y'all and soon. I am sorry I don't have individual replies, my brain isn't going there for some reason.

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10 hours ago, Bellatrix said:

So I am going to spend all of my recreation money on a game kickstarter. I do that a lot, although usually via steam or some other service. I don't do kickstarter much (I've only backed four things). IDK, I tend to be terrible with money and I know that spending this much all at once on something I won't see for nearly a year is probably a bad idea but I really want it

Also, if my paranoia is just a delusion, why do people constantly head to the kitchen or the bathroom as soon as I think of going to either? How do they know? I know on some level that it's just coincidence but it happens so often it's hard to dismiss it.

So I am going to spend all of my recreation money on a game kickstarter. I do that a lot, although usually via steam or some other service. I don't do kickstarter much (I've only backed four things). IDK, I tend to be terrible with money and I know that spending this much all at once on something I won't see for nearly a year is probably a bad idea but I really want it

Also, if my paranoia is just a delusion, why do people constantly head to the kitchen or the bathroom as soon as I think of going to either? How do they know? I know on some level that it's just coincidence but it happens so often it's hard to dismiss it.

Also, I see people are having hard times - I hope things improve for y'all and soon. I am sorry I don't have individual replies, my brain isn't going there for some reason.

OH MY GOD! Yes! The bathroom in this apartment is no longer my safe spot because of this (in 2/3 past apartments the bathroom with the fan on has been my safe spot). Even if it's 3AM, one of my neighbors goes to their bathroom! UGH!!!!! Almost every time, any time of the day. It's terrifying. I have neighbors on both sides of my wall. I rarely look in the mirror because I know he (one of my neighbors) is watching. 

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13 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I feel like slowly but surely I am heading towards hypo, but only in my mind.  If you could have a picture of my mind you could see it all. My mind races, I have ordered a ton of stuff on-line that I'm not returning (because it would cost more money to ship it all back than keep it, plus I really wanted what I got).  You may not be able to recognize it, but if you knew how fast I am thinking it wouldn't be a question.  Also haven't been sleeping well for the past few days except for last night, so I took an ativan to calm my mind down so I could sleep.

That sucks Melissa. Can you call your pdoc so that you don't become hypo? I always have signs like shopping or mind racing before the episodes start. 

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